Author Topic: What happened to thread about triggers and coping strategies?  (Read 1899 times)

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8633
I was just taking a break and came back to fine the thread was no longer available? 

CB123

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 883
  • It's never to late to be what you might have been
Re: What happened to thread about triggers and coping strategies?
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2007, 09:45:34 AM »
Lighter,

I don't remember that thread.  It's possible that the originator pulled it---you can do that if you start the thread.

Do you want to revive it and just start over? 

CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8633
Re: What happened to thread about triggers and coping strategies?
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2007, 09:51:01 AM »
I think the thread was new and the poster went over her and her NH's triggers and coping strategies so others might learn from them.  I was definately interested and so dissapointed when I couldn't find it again.  I hope she'll send it to me if she doesn't want to repost it on the board. 

dandylife

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 491
Re: What happened to thread about triggers and coping strategies?
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2007, 10:00:59 AM »
Sorry lighter,
I thought about and felt sort of exposed after posting it. There didn't seem to be much interest in it so I deleted it.

Let me know if you want me to send a private email to you and I will send.

Dandylife
"All things not at peace will cry out." Han Yun

"He who angers you conquers you." - Elizabeth Kenny

dandylife

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 491
Re: What happened to thread about triggers and coping strategies?
« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2007, 10:28:19 AM »
Okay - here it is:

I thought it might be interesting for others to see something my therapist had me do to work out the coping strategies of myself and my N partner. I had a worksheet to go by and was encouraged to add my own experiences.


Dandylife




NH:

Dependent/Endearing

Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:

Being abandoned, left alone, empty, insecure.

To Cope:

Seek support by acting child-like and in need. Seeks help often, becomes depressed, clings. Others may want to care for them, but feel drained. Blocks help from others by judging them as somehow “not right”. Gives up easily when not assisted.

Tough/Generous

Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:

Longs for intimacy, neediness, inferior, fears being overpowered.

To Cope:

Becomes domineering, controlling, hides vulnerability. Am I respected? In control? Won’t show hurt. Intimidates others by being stronger, more intelligent, more informed, more important. Desire to be on top, leader. Can’t form equal relationships, must be one up. Generous to those that admire and respect them. Overconfident, impulsive.

Expressive/Clinging

Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:

Can’t get the attention I need. Disappointed – yearns to be loved. Feels pushed away. Not attended to.

To Cope:

Am I interesting? Wanted? Easily upset, often makes a show of it. Loud, emotional, seductive, flamboyant. Anxious, sensitive. Idealizes others. Makes unreasonable demands. Looks for proof you care. Can’t tolerate distance. Desperate for closeness. Creates sickness. Delays separation. Trouble letting go.

Industrious/Over-productive

Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:

I am the “man”. Have to work to be okay. Always something to do. Fear loss of control.

To Cope:

Workaholic. Serious, perfectionistic. Seek challenges. Difficulty relaxing. Stay busy. Feel unappreciated.



MINE:

Sensitive/Withdrawn

Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:

Coldness, ignored, attacked, hateful.

To cope:

Withdraw. Isolation under stress. Shy, distant.

Self-Relying

Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:

There’s no one to help me.

Work alone. Expect nothing from anyone. Hard to ask for help. Hard to tell anyone things, believe they won’t care.

Burdened/Enduring

Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:

Stuck, defeated, “I must say yes to you”, “I must do what you want to make you happy, make you not hate me”

To cope:

Avoidance, low self-worth so stuck, passive-aggressive, in one-down position, hard to share ideas, strong shell. Delays confrontation.

Industrious/Overfocused

Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:

Fears being held back, longs for father, longs for tenderness.

To cope:

Am I worthy? Competent? Must work hard, keep going. Have trouble letting themselves be loved. Want equality. Cold. Distant. Busy.
"All things not at peace will cry out." Han Yun

"He who angers you conquers you." - Elizabeth Kenny

CB123

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 883
  • It's never to late to be what you might have been
Re: What happened to thread about triggers and coping strategies?
« Reply #5 on: June 02, 2007, 12:15:42 PM »
Dandy, just wanted to encourage you here.  I can imagine that you felt vulnerable when you thought no one was interested in the post. 

I just wanted to let you know that I am having a hard time keeping up with posts these days, and I think I just didnt catch it in time.  There have been so many posts lately, and I am not home enough.  It's wonderful to read all the interchanges I have been able to keep up with--but can't always respond. 

Sounds like your post struck a deep chord in several people.  I finally got to read it on this thread and I can see why.  I think I will use Besee's plan to use it as a journalling prompt (thanks, Besee!)

CB

When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

dandylife

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 491
Re: What happened to thread about triggers and coping strategies?
« Reply #6 on: June 02, 2007, 06:25:43 PM »
Besee,
you are right on the nose about the N in my life interpreting things as questioning his competency. Twice in the past week we've had the runaround argument about it.

Funny how once something happens you're like "Ha fool me once...." that old thing. And THEN IT HAPPENS again! And again! Just make you feel crazy. I have a hard time with that. I feel like we're not learning from our past.

CB123, I think it's okay when there's not much interest in a topic - I just sort of questioned myself after posting if I really had wanted to be so vulnerable/revealing. (I'm shy - see above coping strategy!)

Thanks,
Dandylife
"All things not at peace will cry out." Han Yun

"He who angers you conquers you." - Elizabeth Kenny