My daughter was born in May, 1964. I was home with her until she was 2½ and left her father—abandonment #1
She was such a great kid and had good caretakers when I worked –then at age 5. I was in the car accident, 1969, and away for a year (now she is 6) to return in a wheelchair, 1970—abandonment #2----different mother?---abandonment #3
Her father was writing me about reconciling, and after a year without drinking, as I had stipulated, he came to town and got a job. Before I knew it he moved from the hotel into my apartment. We were 3 again, and his divorce was in the works AGAIN, because the laws had now changed from only adultery to irreconcilable differences. The papers were with my lawyer.
One Saturday he had to work and drilled through the wall into the electrical box of the Paint Store next door and a fire started. Burned down ½ a city block. Now out of work, and I was still working and was still not familiar with alcoholism. After he asked, I agreed he could have a 12 pk of beer a week. I had a bottle in the fridge for my “after –work” drink and he never once touched it. To make a long story short he was drinking vodka all the time and putting the bottles out of my reach/sight (The cleaning lady dusted them and put them back, so she told me after.) That’s why one beer a evening had him tipsy. I had to ask him to leave again when the drinking became so bad I was afraid again. Our daughter was away that day with friends and came home to no father, again. She was 8-------abandonment #4
She got a dresser back in her room, so my bed had to be moved and she found a quart whiskey bottle behind the headboard leg. She knew then about his alcohol abuse--it wasn't just 'talk'.
Her father killed himself when she was 15—the end of her daydreams of his ever returning—abandonment--#5
In just 5 years she, 20, was married to the N who messed with both our lives. 7 years later the N kicked me out. I drove away and the estrangement began. She was 27—abandonment #6
She left the N in 1994, age 30, 3 children and divorced in 1996.—traumatic
Her eldest son left her to live with his father in the year 2000, so she lost a child (as had I)—abandonment #6
I can see the issues she has had and since our latest attempt at communication didn’t work, I stepped back and out--- abandonment?
She won’t know until I die if she will be my heir
I created a very Nish daughter and that does not make me happy. That makes me feel that I was a failure all through my life and only have a glimmer of hope for ME with this therapist.
Izzy
