Sfalken:
I'm so sorry your father got weaker and that your mother got stronger.
Sorry she's unable to love you, herself and everyone else.
All children deserve so much more.
Your father wasn't strong enough to fend off your mother's invasion of the body snachers. That's why she chose him.
You were a wonderful little boy and he loved you, tried to be a normal parent.
He lost.
She won.
It's interesting that you seem to have won too.
You're pretty sure of your reality and I just loved your anwer to your mother's question, "so you're a doctor now?"
Having our children thrown into the middle makes an untenable position impossible, IMO. To remain in the relationship or to go. To limit contact or to put controls in place that jut get stomped on. It's all a minefield and our children are walking that field with us.
I would feel like sitting your mother down and explaining that she will continue to have contact with the children but,
she may not do A B C or D.
If she does, and she probably will, she needs to have concrete consequences that you enforce immediately, IMO.
Expect the best, prepare for the worst.
I'd be there during visits, if you continue to have them at all.
You can explain to your children, in an age appropriate manner, why Grandma isn't going to be in your lives as much, the same way, at all, whatever needs to be explained but leave out truly negative stuff about her. Let them know it's adult stuff and they won't understand for a while, you're the parent and you'll deal with it.
The kids are already complaining of Grandma's behavior so it may not be as big of a shock as you fear.
They'll understand, on some level, as awful as that is to contemplate.
Hurts my stomach to think about it, just so unfair.
Again, so sorry this is happening to you all. Life is hard enough without this improbable insanity in your lives. But there it is. So real you can touch it and it's not going anywhere on it's own. The unjustice of it has a life of it's own.
You're a lucky man to be married to your best friend, but you already know that.
If your mother continues to be terribly innapropriate with the kids, I think you'll have to end contact. What are your choices?
On the up side, your children seem to have 2 wonderful parents. They may go through some pain over the Grandparent thing but, they'll be fine as long as you guys are steady.
Think about what you would have wanted for yourself, as a child, had your parents been normal and your Grandma was doing this. Food for thought. Good luck.