Really bummed

[tayana]

I applied for an apartment I liked and was not approved because of the mess my credit has become, thanks to my nmom.  So, I am stuck with her.  If this place wouldn't approve me, then I doubt many others will either. 

I was feeling good earlier, but this  . . . I really had high hopes this would work.

Of course this also means that I'm unable to buy anything--house, car, anything that requires a credit check.

It's like I'm not meant to get away from that woman.

[Green]

Aw, ((Tayana)). Sorry you got turned down for this one, and sorry that you have to deal with the repercussions of your mom's behavior.  This must feel like a dark moment.

Be aware of what my therapist calls "awfulizing"  (I do this a lot) -- taking one miserable incident or circumstance and following it out until the world ends.  There are many, many, many options out there for you.  The scenario you spun is just one of them.  Be gentle with yourself today, but keep fighting for your freedom, too!

Green

[Hopalong]

Hi Tayana,
You can absolutely rebuild your credit rating, and I believe you can do it in six months (maybe even three). Please find out how.

There are many simple books in libraries and lots of information on the Net (just beware pay-for-it anythings).

There are Consumer Credit Counseling agencies, places where you can make an appt. and get objective, sensible advice and help drawing up a financial plan for yourself and your boy.

It might be a really good idea to do these things... You'll NEVER regret the knowlege.
And it would be an even better idea not to share your notes or plans with your Mom until it's a done deal.

Sorry for this setback but it's temporary!

Chin up, hon. Keep on posting and work it through.

hugs
Hops

[tayana]

The problem is that it isn't something I can fix just by consolidating debt, or anything like that.  I have to get rid of a court judgement against me on an account that isn't mine.  I've been cleaning up my credit for the last three years thanks to her meddling.

I am back to square one with school too, since I'd hoped to have a new place by the fall.

I'll look into the consumer credit counseling thing though.

[tayana]

Thanks, Ami. (((hugs))) to you too.  I know you've been going through a rough time too.

[JanetLG]

Tayana,

As Hops says, there are agencies who will help you start programs to sort out bad credit ratings, etc. Showing willing is what the banks, etc, want to see - and you are definitely 'willing', even if the credit history is against you at the moment.

It's a sad and annoying setback, that's all. Your NMum won't win in the end, though.

Janet

[Stormchild]

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

A judgement against you on an account that isn't yours? Did your mother steal your identity, or coerce you to countersign something for her?

Definitely talk to a reputable credit counselor. You might ask your bank to refer you...

((((((((((tayana))))))))))

[tayana]

She stole my identity to open credit cards under my name, then defaulted on them.  The credit card companies then came after me. 

I look into a credit counselor.

Thanks everyone.

[debkor]

Tayana,

Argh, grrr,  what a rock and a hard place you are in.  She out and out stole from you and committed a felony.  arghh, grrrr again.  This is your mother what a shit position she put you in.  I'm so sorry.  Is there anyway you can make her pay or contribute to your repaying them? 

Love
Deb

[tayana]

No Deb,

My lawyer wanted her to sign an afidavit clearing up the mess.  She had hired a lawyer of her own, and he suggested I sign my car over in her name, transfer my accounts to another name etc., so that I had no assets.  I wouldn't do that.  When I asked her if she would sign an afidavit, she refused.  When I confronted her, she denied taking out the card and also denied not paying on it.  She told me it had been paid off.  Obviously it hadn't. 

I don't believe anything she says.  I can deal with her as long as I remember that almost everything she tells me is a lie.  Before this, she maxxed out one of my cards and stole my statements so that I couldn't see the charges.  Then she denied stealing my statements.  I found then hidden in the desk at the store she opened with my money.  I was supposed to be a partner in the business, but she never wanted me to really be a part of it.  It was her baby, and then she'd be angry because I didn't want to work for her on the weekends.  Even though I already had a full time job.

She wouldn't repay what she charged on my legitimate card, so I stopped paying her childcare.  I figured that would take care of that.  She never said a word.  She won't even own up to this mess.  She claims that she never had this type of card, she had a different card.  Incidentally, the other card was in a similar situation, but I was able to have that taken care of before it went to court.  I could do something similar with this if it was just the creditor, but if I do anything with the court, it'll be construed as an admission of guilt, and I do not intend to repay her debt.

[debkor]

Tayana, 

What a mess!  Well your right you cannot believe a word out of her mouth.  They lie so much that you don't know, if and when they tell the truth.
You got left holding the bag but you can reslove it in time. Sucks that you have to fix what you did not break.
What is done is done but I'm worried. Even pulling yourself out of the hole she dug you into with the things you spoke about how can you protect yourself in the future from her doing the same thing?

Don't give up on Apts.  Keep looking.  My friend had some really bad debt that her husband left her with and two children.
She looked for apts and finally found one where the Landlord let her even pay the 1st month security in payments along with her rent each month.  She was honest and told them her credit was shot due to the breakup with her ex.

When you look for a credit counselor make sure it is a non profit one.  Check out all options.

I'm very sorry that this was put upon you, so sneaky.  That was probably my #1 rage when it was done to me.
I did not see it coming until it was to late and the damage was  already done.  It would have been one thing if I did it myself but to have it done to you without your knowledge so pisses me off.

Love
Deb

[tayana]

I belong to another board, and someone there suggested looking for places that are independently owned, rather than managed by large companies.  I think I'm going to do that.  I've seen a few of those in the paper, or actually, just signs in yards.  I got some other suggestions I'll have to try.

What's going to keep her from doing something similar?  I know an awful lot about identity theft now.  I check my credit report regularly.  If something shows up that doesn't belong, I dispute it.  If she does it again, and I find out it's her, I'm going to turn her into the police, and no amount of begging, whining or pleading will changed my mind.  Kind of like the saying, Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  I won't be fooled a second time. 

The worst part of this is.  I really don't owe much money at all.  It's not like I have a mountain of debt.  I have one account that I still owe on, and I can pay it off quickly.  I did make good use of the three years between now and my last attempt to leave.  It's awful.  I just feel like I'm in a prison I can't escape from no matter how hard I try.  I'm hoping my lawyer will be able to give me something to show prospective landlords so that I can at least rent something.

She's like a leech, you know.  I was reading old posts from journal yesterday, and one of them was about applying for jobs out of state.  When I told her she said, "Well if you get it, I'm coming with you.  You're not taking that baby away from me."

I'd forgotten about that.  I think I'm going to start recording some of these conversations.

[Hopalong]

Hi Tayana..

I was reading old posts from journal yesterday, and one of them was about applying for jobs out of state.  When I told her

As difficult as it is to stop the natural reflex of sharing, I think things might go much more easily for you if you do not tell your mother what you're thinking about or planning to do. Whether it's a job out of state or an apartment across town, I think it's best to just do it...and tell her after you've accepted the job or accepted the keys. Even better would be packing to travel or move when she's not at home.

Do you know anyone outside your family who would store some boxes of things for you? Might help to get started to prepare for your move, and then on moving day you won't have to do the whole thng with your mother yammering at you.

Just a thought,. but if you get the idea to move away, I would not tell her until you've made a decision....

Hops

[tayana]

Hops, I haven't actually told her about this move.  She found out because one of the properties I looked at sent things here.  I didn't know they would do that, or I would have asked that they not do that.  Then once she found out about that, she started talking to my son and pumping him for information. 

CB, I could pay several months rent up front.  One of the reasons I turned in the application for this apartment was to see if I could rent anything, or if I would have trouble renting.  The next one I'll make the offer to pay up front, and see if that will work.  There is another complex close to work, owned by a different management company.  I'll try them. 

My credit will clear after the court thing is taken care of, I'm sure of that.  The only problem with going to court is that it takes forever.  I won't pay off her charges this time.  I've done that twice.  I don't intend to do it anymore.  I didn't commit the crime, and I shouldn't have to pay for it.

There was a time when I was willing to put some clothes in a bag and leave everything I own behind. I'm almost to that point now. 

[Stormchild]

Tayana.... before you go to the next complex, talk to your employer, perhaps, if you can, and see if your supervisor will 'vouch' for you. See if you can get a memo from them that says you've worked there for x amount of time, and earn y, and are considered a stable and reliable employee...

You don't have to go into a lot of detail for the employer, but if you say you'd like to live closer to work, and that you would like to do as much as possible up front to assure that this complex will accept you as a tenant, you might get the help you need.

Likewise, would your bank do the same? They've had you as an accountholder for x years and you've never bounced a check... or whatever they can say that will show that you are managing your finances responsibly.

You could also offer direct debit rent payment.

Just a few thoughts. And by the way, if your mother is defrauding you and leaving you holding the bag for it, which is what it sounds like, you really ought to talk to someone about pressing charges.