Edit in: The important message in this story is how constructive or destructive displacement happens in our life. Left unaddressed cumulative stress can turn into destructive displacement. Done right, i.e., healthy constructive displacement we survive the daily stresses. See:
http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=4903.0 It's also the story of my day, the day I fully understood the difference between constructive displacement and destructive displacement. Sorry its long
OK, Shingles leisions are scabbed over. Visible signs of the virus are gone. But I'm very tired. No energy. The burn wound is about 2/3's healed. The remodeling project is coming along OK. Within a day or two of the project start, the Shingles onset and scalding myself, my homeless nephew, much beloved by my mom, showed up clean and sober as far as I could tell. I've had almost no exposure to alcohol or substance abuse so I really don't know for sure if he's using. Anyway he was willing to help me with my 'to do' list on the project. Even the simple stuff was and is too much for me. About half way through what has been done so far, I sensed that the 'to do' list was being manipulated to extend the hours and increase his paycheck. So as of now, things are on hold.
About four days ago, I sensed a 'click' between two teeth. Not a good sign. I called the dentist who had installed the bridge that I thought was the source of the 'click'. His office graciously worked me in. We (the dentist and I) had not seen each other for years. Back in the day before he was divorced and I was divorced and I moved away, we'd all been good friends. Now it looks like he and I have the same hair colorist. His once dark hair is now snow white. So is mine. He remarried. He was very engaging with small talk. Asked what I was doing now and how was my mom and stuff like that. When he asked about my mom, I teared up and said she was frail and that I was pretty much occupied taking care of her. I apologized for not being able to follow through with details about her and said something like, maybe we should just get back to the tooth thing, trying to interrupt my emotional break. So that's what we did. The bridge has to be uninstalled. Hopefully the same one can be reinstalled once he does his magic with the anchor teeth. Best case scenario a few hundred dollars. Worst case scenario a few thousand. And that's with him giving me the 'friends' break.
Afterwards, still with close to the surface, raw emotions about my mom (something in the conversation with my old dentist friend triggered and added an extra layer to what was already there) I thought about how much time I currently spend just trying to figure out whether I can survive her passing. When she fell recently, the result was a fifty cent size open wound on her lower leg which is just sitting there, open, fevered swollen and not healing. We were in for a check last Thursday with her doctor. The wound doesn't look significantly different than it did then. But I'm thinking we'll probably need to see him again tommorow, though I doubt if there is a lot to do that I'm not already doing. She is very lethargic and is getting that hollow eyed look. I have a background in eldercare so I know a little about the progression of age, combined with injuries. It's way different looking after my own mom than when I was the cool headed, objective one looking after another daughter's mom.
One thing I know about my alcoholic/user nephew, beloved by my mother, is that he goes in and out of cycles. He lives/squats in the woods in a tent, usually not showing up except when the weather gets really cold. That he is here this time of year is unusual. The cycle is that he'll be nice and calm for a while, then get touchy, insulting, blow up and leave not to be heard from for long periods except he might call from a pay phone in a drunken stupor. I can see that dementia has set in. He's at about the level of a six year old when it comes to logic and reason. He's a good looking, young man. He is obsessively clean. I noticed that the big jug of bleach I had on hand was disappearing by the cupfuls. I knew he was using it, but, What for? Today, he showed me a dime sized bump in the collar bone region. He says it started out sore, he mashed it, and now it's hard and he thinks it's related to a spider bite from about a year ago that put him in the hospital. I think he's been trying to bleach away the bump and it's only gotten worse. I didn't say anything about him using the bleach. I don't know how to do that without making him feel like I'm accusing him unfairly. I bought another jug, refilled the old one with water and two cupfuls of bleach and put the rest of it in a hidden place. He rides/drives a Moped (no license required). I suggested that he check himself into ER. The other night I told mom that if I suspected him of using, I was going to ask him to leave. She begged me not to. I might have to douse the house with alcohol to get him out. She despises alcohol used even socially. She would throw him out if she suspected he was drinking.
To say that I'm up to my eyebrows in 'circumstances' is an understatement. While cleaning up the kitchen earlier, I thought how nice it would be to go through everything and arrange it in alphabetical order. I don't mean like alphabetizing the spice rack, I mean
every item. To get it alphabetized in the way my minds eye was seeing it in that moment would take bulldozing the house and starting over. Thanks to the "Displacement" thread, I quickly recognized that like Storm's old tom cat, I am in need of constructive displacement. Actually, I'm at the point where constructive displacement turns into destructive displacement The events leading to where I am now have been back to back with no time for healthy constructive displacement, so without a break, destructive displacement is where it all goes next Something has to give.
My brother had planned to take her to his home to give me a break. The thing is that she doesn't feel up to going.
I could 'go' somewhere to rest, but when it's all said and done, my bed is the best one I know. I don't feel up to going anywhere either, but I know that getting away is what I must do regardless of how I feel. She adores my nephew and I've wondered if he is responsible enough for me to leave her in his care for a few days. I know the answer to that question already. Not only is he not responsible, but will probably end up in the hospital with the bump.
And how was your day?
Seriously, I thought it might be good to have a thread just for venting about our day. Any takers?
tt
