Yes, I have read it. I did learn alot from it. It seems to take the standard position that the person is basically toxic and there is no real hope of them changing, so if you WANT to continue a relationship, here's how you handle it.
It does give some really great tips on how to de-escalate n-istic behaviors. But I never really have found a way to de-escalate my own emotions in the moment, so I'm sort of stuck.
And so, it's always about them after all........
Dandylife
What's interesting is that the position that the person is basically toxic and cannot change is really not at all the 'standard position'.
Look at all of us, here, look how much time and anguish we spend in trying to figure out why hateful abusers who enjoy hurting us, feed on our pain, drink our tears -- don't just wake up one day remorseful and filled with love for us.
Look at how we twist ourselves ischemic, trying to find the magic words, the secret gestures, the special way of thinking that will turn hate filled, toxic family and coworkers into angels of light.
My god. THAT is the 'standard position'. The idea that it's up to us to fix these people. The idea that their viciousness is our responsibility. The idea that we can't just stand up, dust off our palms, and say, 'this is nuts, the hell with it, I'm OUT of here!' And go.
Because 'they love us'?
Hardly.
Because 'they need us'?
Well, yes; they need us to abuse, to put down, to dominate. They need us like a predator needs prey.
Why do WE need THAT?
LET it be about us for a change. LET it be about YOU for a change. Stand up. Dust off your palms. And say "I've done enough. It's your turn to do something different now. And if you can't, or won't, I'm out of here."
The door is open, and it's right in front of you...
