S+S and CB:
I've passed through paralyzing fear and I'm "back in the saddle" yet again, lol.
My T's words. T is so "hand clapping happy" I'm no longer paralyzed, that I'm in war mode and swinging the heft of my power to gain ground and move forward.
GOD it is hard to move out of paralasys and fear and pain, eh? :SIGH:
God knows I feel better in this space.
About my mother, this is just a symptom.
Not my problem.
This simply provides an opportunity to set boundaries and practice enforcing them.
She's not the threat.
I'm glad her life is full and happy. I'm glad she set's boundaries and enforces them.
If I'm ever resentful of that, it's just that I would have liked to have a mother who liked me and felt whole and happy spending time with me.
Not just marking time so she's "done her duty" and ran back to what she enjoys.
That's not the case and maybe having been real with her, we can have something more?
<shrug> We'll see.
I know, S+S, now that I burned my barn, my entire family will be looking at the moon together.
We'll either grow together or apart, but we'll be speaking our truths and doing things differently.
Even if it's JUST me trying new ways to communicate and trying to heal our relationships.
It's always been a struggle with everyone hurling guilt and accusations at me, and each other. Me trying to hold the middle ground and not be annhililated for my efforts.
Precaiously perched, am I, lol.
OH GOODIE! I have my humor back!
