????????confused

[Lupita]

Sometimes, I have the feeling that I am ofending. I do not want to do that. It seems that everytime I start to feel better I say things that people do not like. When I feel bad people show sympathy.

Maybe God wants me to be sad for my own good.

If I offended anyone, please forgive me. I will be more careful with what I say. Promise.

[Ami]

What do you mean.Lupita? I get the sense that you would not offend ,knowingly. We all can hurt someone ,unintentionally. That is what an apology is for.                      Love  Ami

[Overcomer]

Oh sometimes people are easily offended.....I always feel like you use tact and diplomacy..

[Hopalong]

Wouldn't bother me if you were feeling feisty, (((((Lupe))))!

I'm so proud for you.
You handled a surgery, your mother's visit, a lot of stress...SO WELL.

What have you heard from the doctor?

Hops

[reallyME]

Lupita: quote]Maybe God wants me to be sad for my own good.[/quote]

I'd like to share something with you that could be an encouragement.

God says that the "JOY" of the Lord is your strength.
He says that your "HOPE" is in Him.
He says put on the garment of "PRAISE" for the spirit of heaviness.
He promises that all things work together for GOOD for those who love Him and do His will.

God never has it in His plan for someone to be sad and if you are it certainly is not "for your own good."  Apparently, maybe someone punished you in life and said "this is FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!"  but that was not God, because His nature is one of LOVE and BLESSING, not torment and punishment.

I do not feel offended by you at all.  I would like to hear more about your feelings on this topic, Lupita.

[Lupita]

Thank you dear friends, for your kind words. I do not know why I felt that way.

Love to you all.

[lighter]

Good Lord woman, lol!  You're doing great and learning to use your voice. 

There's no safer place to do that than here and your willingness to take responsibility, learn and do better is heroic.

WHOO HOO!  Lupita is learning to speak her truth and this is all part of it.  Very brave and just don't stop doing it!

Personally, I think you were raised to feel guilty for no reason at all and that's just something you'll learn to cope with and overcome.... like the rest of us have to do (((Lupita)))

[Ami]

Dear lupita,
   I have been thinking about this '"interaction". I think that when we make a "mistake" or even a slight "error," we blame ourselves so badly and then go back in the box of worthlessness.
   I was thinking about the concept of repenting. It is there b/c we will need it. I used to be so afraid of offending people. Now, I am a little less so b/c I think about the ability to repent.
   It is like the saying about the pencil having an eraser on it for a reason.
   Keep going forward with your voice. Keep using it. If you do something "wrong", ask for forgiveness. If the person is decent(unlike many N's), they will give it.
    Then, you can learn step by step to be real and to  value your own voice   Love    Ami

[Lupita]

 Not grasp the escense, it is not really a fault if a thinking process is not working the same way that others. But unintentionally, because of the difference in perception one says the wrong thing, for wich, knowing that I did not intentionally did something wrong, I know that unintentionally I casued discomfort to somebody else and that makes me feel terrible. I grew up feeling guilty of everything. Anyway, that tought me that I have to be careful, even in here we have to be careful. We do not want to hurt. I am learning so much here, I hope that one day nobody will be able to say  how I feel. I want to control my feelings, my emotions and my thoughts. So, nobody knows what I am feeling. But I am so transparent, it is not funny. Everybody knows, bad for a teacher. I need to be able that my students not know how I feel.
Here  I will learn, hopefully.
Love to everybody.

[CB123]

Lupita,

There probably isnt a single one of us that hasnt accidently caused someone to feel hurt or discomfort.  We all just go bumping through life, doing the best we can.  Ami's right--that's what apologies are for.  And understanding that these things happen. 

You have a sweet heart, Lupita.  Everyone can see that.  If you hurt someone, I can't imagine that an apology wouldnt make it right. 

Love,

CB

[lighter]

CB...


If Lupita hurts someone.....




I think she's smart enough to consider the source and figure out if that person is trying to manipulate her through guilt,


or assert themselves in a healthy way so Lupita can make corrections, apologize, move on and do better.



I think Lupita understands all this on some level too. 


That she can trust herself.  I saw her do that recently on a thread where she limited contact with people who aren't lifting her up.  She asserted herself beautifully and made decisions to limit contact. 



It was great!



I also think she goes in and out of dark places that used to be where she lived all the time. 



It's like passing through a less shadowing world,



on the way to a sunny world.



The shadows are just part of the scenery and she's talking about them and learning how to trust her instincts.  She doing it!




Very exciting for me to watch.




Shaking off the old patterns insilled, caused by, erected by the selfish broken N, whoever the N in our lives is, is just difficult, leaves it's scars and takes a while to out distance. 


It's like being attacked by a force when anyone tries to undo the control an N exerts on us.




The N howls.




And the guilt we walk around with all the time..... howls with it.



It's a lot like being haunted. ::nodding::



Lupita will see that and learn to deal with it. 



That she recognizes it is HUGE.



Now... back to regularly scheduled programming, lol. 

[Ami]

Dear Lupita,
  When you talk about being too transparent in school etc, I think that you are trying to"find" and own yourself(,as we all are.)
   I think that you are saying that you want to know who you are and to have confidence and strength in that person.
  First,I think, that we have to uncover the real person under the pile of layers that an NPD mother put on us. I am trying to do that now.
  After that I am not sure b/c I am not there ,yet.
 However,uncovering  the  layers is giving me more freedom and peace                     Love   Ami