How do you stop TALKING so much?

[bigalspal]

Hi Ami,
Happy 4th! Thanks for asking.
I'm doing so much better. My husband is a truck driver & is stuck out on the road. But that's really OK. We've been married a long time & we are used to being apart on holidays.
He has never missed a Christmas, though!
We talk on the phone for hours! Most everyday since I've been off on WC.
If I go back out on the truck with him, it's really great. Remember I just starting teaming with him last year. It was a minor adjustment for him & a BIG one for me.
That sleeper in the truck is pretty small! I didn't realize how much STUFF I wanted to take out with me. All in all, it a a positive experience. I was just starting to get the hang on wrangling that BIG truck around when I fell. The money can be outrageous!
My last 3 paychecks AFTER taxes, (before I fell) were over $800! Per week!
Plus, HIS check! But, you give up soooo much for that life & that money.
We had just bought a new house & a new car & I missed both terribly.
I missed my TV shows. I missed my bed & my own shower.
But, I've seen sunsets in Florida, Mountain ranges in Colorado, the desert in Arizona. You name it, I saw it. We have a laptop in the truck so I can keep in touch with my new friend on this board if & when I go back out. I'm thinking I will, but I'm not sure yet. I have a few more months to make up my mind.
ENOUGH about ME!
How are you, Ami?
How will you spend the 4th?
Love,
Bigalspal           

[Ami]

I feel really happy today. Last night ,I read a scripture in Job about God making you "whole". I think that God was "speaking" to me that I will be whole ,after all.Then, I will really be able to be a true counselor. I am trained as one now,but don't have much to offer b/c I am still so unhealed.(IMO)                Love Ami

[bigalspal]

Hi Ami,
You must be so smart! How in the world did you manage to become a counsellor with a NMother?
It's a wonder that all of us are not in mental institutions.
My hat's off to you, girl! That'd quite an accomplishment.
You don't worry sweetie, you will be healed someday!
We'll do it together. Do you have any family members who "hear" you about your Nmother?
That's the main thing (besides this board) that has helped me. That my family knows now that I'm not crazy. And that just recently happened. And I didn't feel awhole lot of relief until I found this board. I really think there are 2 pieces to my particular puzzle. Acknowledgement from my family, & finding a community of fellow sufferers. Survivors, really!
Think of the poor people who have not made it here. I shudder to think of their misery!
Love,
Bigalspal

[axa]

I am also guilty of talking too much.  People always say they find me very friendly, and I am.  BUT I give away so much.  I think there is a link here with desperatly wanting intimacy and trying to create a pseudo intimacy by revealling all so early...... thoughts

axa

[James73]

Hey guys, Ive definitely had this issue and its anxiety for me, probably anxiety caused by N abuse resulting in zero social/self confidence. Now I am feeling more relaxed and happy with myself this talking too much/over sharing/too much disclosure is diminishing rapidly, I dont feel the need to talk non stop anymore/fill in silences, in fact I make myself stay quiet when in the company of strangers and leave gaps of silence, this either results in both parties staying quiet which is nice and peaceful or its the other party who tries to fill in the silence and not me which is much better.
James

[bigalspal]

Hi James & Axa!
2 new friends. Nice to meet you both.
I so much appreciate all the replies to my post.
James, I'm like you. I feel like I can start to get a handle on it now.
This board has in 3 or 4 days, done more for me than ANYTHING!
Axa, I know you are right as well. I so wanted emotional intimacy with people! Although..there is this LONER side of me as well.
I think the trick is to blend them together!
Ami, did you get my reply to your private message? I ask because I wasn't sure that I was doing it right. And, of course, hoping you are OK.
Love,
Bigalspal

[James73]

Hey bigalspal nice to meet you too  Yeh this board is fantastic, enables us to kick our own mental booty 

[sunny2]

((((((((((bigalpal)))))))))))   ((((((((((((Ami)))))))))))))))

I think it is a good sign that you are in touch with your rage.  Anger is such an uncomfortable feeling.. I've had to release mine too, so I know how it feels to do so.  Its scary to admit.  I'm always afraid I'll be admitted (some residual shame left over from my N Mom, I'm sure).  It will seep out in toxic ways, on those you love (rather than you N Mom, who deserves it), I believe, if you don't get it out in a way that's not hurtful to anyone.  So its a good thing you're working on it, I think.

Naming your rage is the first step.  Owning it the second...then comes release.

bean

the key i think might be discerning righteous anger from self righteous anger and too recognizing when frustrating people that frustrate us...the best response is to learn loving rebuke and righteous anger...
the bible says....be angery and sin not
and be slow to anger...
both be good advice...
sayeth i ..a reincarnation of shakespeare..
and yes i confess i was just a front man for sir franci bacon..bastard son of queen liz..he was....

[bigalspal]

Hi Sunny,
Sounds like you love Shakespere as much as I do.
Love the last part of your post!
And I think you are right. We have to own our feelings, but be aware of anger. The WRONG kind of anger. It's just so draining! And it really gets us nowhere.
Guess what you guys?
I talked to my NMother today. She's fighting with the neighbors again. Talking about getting a petition going to kick them out, or something like that. Here's the cool thing. I asked her ONE question :"How do the other neighbors feel about these noisy kids?" She said: "Well, they are just waiting for ME to do THEIR dirty work!"
Which tells me it's HER! That's a BIG break through for me. Being her child, I just could NEVER see when it was HER problem! KWIM? I just made little consolling noises & it was actually a pleasant conversation! I didn't feel the anxiety in the pit of my stomach. I just let her talk.
That was a first! I actually didn't feel bad taliking to her. You might think it was because the focus was on her neighbors instead of me. But, that's only partly true. This board  has freed me from alot of crap I felt about my mother. WOW!  And, I know ONE thing. I'm NOT gonna be controlled by her anymore. She doesn't feel bad, I do! How stupid is that???
Love,
Bigalspsal   

[sunny2]

Hi Sunny,
Sounds like you love Shakespere as much as I do.
Love the last part of your post!
And I think you are right. We have to own our feelings, but be aware of anger. The WRONG kind of anger. It's just so draining! And it really gets us nowhere.
Guess what you guys?
I talked to my NMother today. She's fighting with the neighbors again. Talking about getting a petition going to kick them out, or something like that. Here's the cool thing. I asked her ONE question :"How do the other neighbors feel about these noisy kids?" She said: "Well, they are just waiting for ME to do THEIR dirty work!"
Which tells me it's HER! That's a BIG break through for me. Being her child, I just could NEVER see when it was HER problem! KWIM? I just made little consolling noises & it was actually a pleasant conversation! I didn't feel the anxiety in the pit of my stomach. I just let her talk.
That was a first! I actually didn't feel bad taliking to her. You might think it was because the focus was on her neighbors instead of me. But, that's only partly true. This board  has freed me from alot of crap I felt about my mother. WOW!  And, I know ONE thing. I'm NOT gonna be controlled by her anymore. She doesn't feel bad, I do! How stupid is that???
Love,
Bigalspsal   

so was hamlets ma a narcissist and was queen liz... bacons ma a psychopath or narcissist...
clue ....
methinks my lady protesteth too much...

so what do u think ifn shakespeare was just a front man for a secret society of which bacon was the head ..
and bacon was the bastard son of queen liz..
for more info see sirbacon.org

oh i have been having some rotten times with what seems like tho some break thru attitudes..
part of dealing maybe with the saturn transits opposite neptune
u know free floating anxiety that can be hard to pin down

first opposition of saturn and neptune was august last year and last one is this 28 year or so cycle was a week or so ago

[bigalspal]

Hi Sunny,
No, I'm leaning towards the Christopher Marlowe theory. But Bacon has definitely crossed my mind. What I really want is to believe ole' Bill wrote everything himself!
Whoever wrote it, I love it!
My favorite is Merchant of Venice. Gotta love Shylock!
I also love Othello & MacBeth.
Heck, I love it all. I just hate when people "modernize" plays like Richard III. I HATE that. I want it set in the time period when it was written.
You sound like you might be a "Rennie". If you are, you'll know what I'm talking about. My husband & I went on our first date to a Faire. Didn't dress up, (still don't) but i always get into it.
Take care,
Bigalspal

[Ami]

dear Bigals pal,
   I got the message.i was involved with the dogs.( Read my new thread). I think that you have too much on your plate right now to be worrying about other "problems" or dependencies. I am healing-- step by step. It feels really slow ,sometimes, but it is happening. I think that you will ,too. In time,your various problems wil take care of themselves. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
 I think the "medicine" to heal is "you shall know the truth and the truth will make you free."
   I think that you are in so much physical pain that it is hard to even address the emotional things as well as you are. I see strength-- not weakness.
  It was great what happened with your mother.today. You " saw the truth" and you were"set free" a little bit. I have these same"flashes of intuition". I think that it is Divine guidance.
    I am praying for everything to work out well for you    Love  Ami

[bigalspal]

Hi Ami,
I guess we've been cross posting on 2 different threads. I know how dogs can be. That's full-time job!
I'm glad you are ok. Hell, I'm glad I ok.
You know, I really like this journey I'm on. I love it when those flashes of divine light penetrate through the fog. Thanks for listening to my personal message & not judging me. Like you said One thing at a time.
Love,
Bigalspal

[sunny2]

Hi Sunny,
No, I'm leaning towards the Christopher Marlowe theory. But Bacon has definitely crossed my mind. What I really want is to believe ole' Bill wrote everything himself!
Whoever wrote it, I love it!
My favorite is Merchant of Venice. Gotta love Shylock!
I also love Othello & MacBeth.
Heck, I love it all. I just hate when people "modernize" plays like Richard III. I HATE that. I want it set in the time period when it was written.
You sound like you might be a "Rennie". If you are, you'll know what I'm talking about. My husband & I went on our first date to a Faire. Didn't dress up, (still don't) but i always get into it.
Take care,
Bigalspal

well now that last line i believe in the last sonnet of that collection of 150 some of shakespeare..
goes i believe
love's fire heats water, water cools not love...

which i think might in a kind of alchemical symbolism

where the elements of the holy trinity fire air and water.... earth is just of the temporal realm i think
and does not carry over as the other 3 into the eternal infinite realm..

well now how might that line relate to narcissism...

i think could be that
it is about all failed things of one's lower nature where enneagram 3 where narcissism and psychopathy best fit i think
where success that 3 seeks becomes too much of this world tho it might claim to being in this world but not of it...
anyways
love fire heats water
love be about the son of god attitude being of god the fire's creative and purifying nature..
and such kind of heat develops the subconscious as a pure heart... water be symbolic here for emotions subconscious heart etc
and when one's heart or subconscious has been cleansed by the holy spirit
it does not detract from divine love...

[bigalspal]

Hi Sunny,
Boy, you are alot deeper than me!  But that's not hard to do!
It's funny you wrote about the Enneagram tests. I just took it. I was a 5 on the short version & a 4 on the long test. I believe I am a mixture of the two.
For those folks out there who don't know that is, here's a link.
 http://www.similarminds.com/test.html
Try it!
Happy 4th, everyone!
Bigalspal