Hello Red and welcome.
I didn't read your original post either but that's ok. I have read that your child died and that your suffering is clear. So very sorry for all you are going through (and have been through, I assume). I wish I had a magic wand to wave and make it all go away.
Why do some people so often blame so much on mothers? I guess this site isn't a good place to ask that question because there are so many here who have had to endure horrible, nasty, even evil behaviour or incidiously cruel and manipulative treatment from their mothers. You don't sound like that kind of mother at all. It seems you've struggled as a parent and like you wish you could have given your children more and had more time to devote to them. You sound heart broken and angry, and like you are grieving, as anyone would be in your circumstances. Only a good mother hurts with and for her children.
Your ex, on the other hand, sounds very cruel and manipulative ....just from the example you gave of him inviting your D to live with him, promising to send a ticket and then abandoning, once more, your family. What a creep!! That must have been so hard to watch and so painful for your child to go through!
I wish I could offer some wisdom or something helpful to ease your pain. Just another hug: (((((((((Red))))))))
Sela
