How to cope with the corruption here?

[WRITE]

I have just got myself together then a horrible thing happened today. My fitness centre called and said they were going to take $191 owe them out of my account.

It's from the summer camp my son had to leave a few days ago when the manager forgot to call me and we didn't sort out a bullying problem and got into a fight.

I thought they refunded me the whole fee as an apology for not dealing with my problem in the first place. The manager says I should have realised they over-refunded me the $200!

It turns out they have authorisation in their fine print which says they can take money out of my account, I don't believe I have signed this so I have made an appointment to see their manager tomorrow, I want to see it.

They have now been in and out of my credit card four times and only the first occasion did i know about it in advance.

However it has highlighted what has beena  major problem since we moved here which wasn't a problem in England- the constantly having to monitor people who are trying to take financial advantage.

Tomorrow is my last day off and I have to spend some of it defending myself against incompetence and uncaring and money-grabbing.

I asked the bank staff if they could really go in and out of my current account since they do have authorisation to take the monthly membership fee out from there, they told me they have people in there every day upset about the same kinds of issues and that fitness centres are amongst the worst.

How can this be and no one says or does anything about it?

And why am I crying and getting upset, it's nothing really, nothing I can't sort out but I am so sick of sorting things out 
It's never-ending.

[bigalspal]

Hi Write,
I'd be pissed of &  feel violated, too! How can this happen in this day & age!
Me & my husband ran into a similar situation with a credit rebuilding firm awhile back. We had some things on our credit report that we know we had paid, so we signed up with a company that's supposed to help you contest the charges & wipe them off the account.
WELL...THEY were the ones who lied to us! They kept charging us a service fee that had not been in the "fine print". I bet it was such a "fine print" that no one could've seen it!
Anyway, we FINALLY got it taken care of, but it just about drove us crazy! I know how you feel. So dirty & underhanded!
Good luck,
Bigalspal

[isittoolate]

This just shows are careful we must be to read anything we sign.

I have authorizations for DEPOSITS to my bank account, but I will never set up any automatic payments for bills. I write cheques and fine prints gives me goose bumples!

It turns out they have authorisation in their fine print which says they can take money out of my account, I don't believe I have signed this so I have made an appointment to see their manager tomorrow, I want to see it.

Good Luck

;ove
Izzy

[Certain Hope]

((((((Write)))))) I am sorry that you are faced with yet another mess. I know how endless it can seem.

So very often I have felt indescribably sick and tired of sorting things out. But then, just about the time I'd think there was no strength in me for one more speck of sorting, God would directly send one of His little reassurances, like a hug.  Everything changed when once I said to Him aloud,
"I can't do this anymore!"
Then I heard in my spirit, as clearly as I'd hear anyone speaking directly in front of me, "Of course you can't!"
And then He smiled and said, "That's why you need Me... so that you can know what Jesus did for you, in your stead."
Just prior to this, I'd heard our pastor/teacher tell a similar story of an occasion when he asked God, "Why me?"
His response from God, as he tells it, was:  "Why not you?"  It took a good long while for that to sink in with me, but it finally did.

This is tough stuff. I used to view such problems and conflicts, small and large alike, as terribly frustrating occasions, through which I expected the last ounce of my strength would be sapped from me. Old habits die hard, but little by little I'm learning to nip it in the bud and declare calmly, at the beginning of each day, before the difficulty has even come to light, "I know that I can't do this... but You can, Lord."
The change is - I thought that I had taught myself how to survive... but through Him, with Him, I feel that I am learning how to live.
Circumstances count for less and less each day... and I pray this for you, as well.

Your friend,
Hope

[Ami]

Dear WRITE,
   I have to second what Hope says. I have been having dark hours. Right when I am at that breaking point-- a "voice will reassure me,in some way.                                            Love  Ami
(((((((((((((((((((((((WRITE)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[WRITE]

Thanks everyone.

I guess I am not as resilient as I'd like to be this week....

Circumstances count for less and less each day... and I pray this for you, as well.

Thanks CH.
I think it's my illness, things don't seem right when I am sick, even my faith takes a hammering.

These things can be stopped one way or another.

I hope so.

The bank said i have to close my account to shut them out of that! I can't believe that people can do that, mess in my account....I only signed to say that they could take out the monthly fee, but the teller said it's usually in the small print that additional fees may be added on occasion.

I will never sign another agreement, I am learning that things aren't what they seem here! We were so used to all the protective bodies in the UK and European legislation has done away with so much of the trickery....

So dirty & underhanded!

thanks Bigalspal, that's how it feels, like someone was mean to me! I don't handle that well. Sometimes I think I can be so pathetic...

***

I did therapy this morning, she noted how well I am. But something like this still knocks me sideways. I don't get it.

I did sort out my taxes and sent off a cheque this am for estimated tax. So that's a job out of the way. And I looked at my income, there will be enough for the rest of this year I am sure.

***

Haven't heard from the church guy; I thought he was acting a bit mean on Sunday, then he wrote me twice saying how wonderful I have been there, nothing personal though, just about my work.
I will keep some distance for a while. We're not going to be working or at church together now.
I don't get him, or maybe it's me; I am pretty off right now.
Don't need another thing to worry about this week.

***

a "voice will reassure me,in some way. 

that's exactly what has stopped Ami, which makes me think I am probably ill.
Or just very anxious maybe.

Think I'll go walk the dog.

It's really hot here in TX, very humid too.

[Hopalong]

Hi Write,
I'm sorry you're having a tough time, hon.
I know it will pass but I know it stinks in the meantime.

I think it's really hard not to take those credit-gouging deals (a way of life here) personally.
It's an ugly fact of American life...

Lissen, beautiful Write....this is going to even out.
I know you know, just want you to know WE know too.

And we won't forget our steady happy Write will be back
as soon as you're able. In the meantime, we'll take whatever Write we get!

lots of love to you,
Hops

[CB123]

Write,

It IS very hot!  Things hit me so hard when it's muggy like this. 

I'm sorry that you are feeling ill on top of all you are dealing with.  And that Church Guy is being so odd.  You know, if you simply felt bad because of your circumstances, it would completely normal.  I would feel very violated by the intrusion into my bank account.  Your illness probably isnt why you feel bad.  It is just plain wrong and shady business.

I'm glad your finances look good for the year.  I know what a relief that is. 

Thinking and praying for you, Write.

Love

CB

[Gaining Strength]

WRITE - I have fallen in love with the Dave Ramsey radio show.  One of the things I have learned via that program is to use perrsonal checks rather than give access to my bank account or credit card.  I know you will get this straightened out and then write checks for things rather than give draft permission.  I think that may help you from something similar in the future.

It is a different world today.  There seems to be a loss of sense of community where people care about one-another and supporting each other and making life easier and living honorably.  When I first mentioned to my psychiatrist that I believed my father was NPD, he laughed and said that they were everywhere.  At the time I thought he was belittling me but I've come to understand that he believed me and was telling me the problem is bigger and broader than I could have imagined.  In some ways we are living in a society of Ns and those of us here suffer from those effects even more poignantly than others.

I'm sorry you dealing with this and hope that you meeting will be successful. - GS

[WRITE]

I keep tellign myself 'I can cope' then something else happens and floors me out of proportion....last night I took Seroquel, first time in months but I had all these conversations going on in my head and it's a sign of maybe rising mania. Though I'm not talking fast or having any erratic thoughts and I haven't acted on any of the thoughts...I think I do manage it better than ever.

I have fallen in love with the Dave Ramsey radio show.

I'll check it out!
http://www.daveramsey.com/radio/home/

I'm sorry you dealing with this and hope that you meeting will be successful

the man was very smug on the phone, I will be assertive but the problem is any N-type behaviour is very upsetting now.
I want to step away, if it's going to be an ongoing saga I will step away, pay what I need to and complain in writing at a distance.
Ex pointed out last night that I am not good at setting boundaries with people on these things ( ironic huh! he is being tremendously supportive right now though so I'll take his good behavour when I can get it.... I think he's pleased with me, I helped him out during a recent illness )

In some ways we are living in a society of Ns and those of us here suffer from those effects even more poignantly than others.

exactly GS, you hit it perfectly.

that Church Guy is being so odd.  
he's hurting, I understand, he is afraid same as me. The difference is I am not acting out with him, in fact I am trying really hard not to. I talked to the therapist yesterday about it and said whatever has happened to either of us is in the past is not the responsibility of the other to take care of. I feel like my boundaries are pretty clear on this, or I'll end up with another relationship of 'but I told you I had problems....'

We all have problems!

***

an ugly fact of American life...

America is hard like this, so superficially beautiful and wonderful but scratch the surface and there is a lot of unpleasantness.
There are problems in England but of course I recognised them from within, also I don't remember the phenomenon of someone smiling whilst they bite your hand off! 

Money has troubled me for a while, and I have been workign through my issues around it, but these deeper things about US society boil down to a more fundamental problem of mine: you can trust no one.

I think that's why it triggers me so much.

***

we'll take whatever Write we get!

Thanks Hops.

I don't behave too badly these days whatever happens, which I guess is pretty good for a bipolar!

I just made a plate of 'chip butties' ( sandwiches of fries ) no butter of course! but malt vinegar and ketchup.
I'm a couple of days behind in my Simple Abundance Daybook but Sarah Breathnach thinks we need comfort food, and I'll concur.

She wrote 'even if your actual childhood was abyssmal...'

So many of us here, it was wasn't it. Leaving a  huge gap in our psyche which we plug up as best we can, then occasionally all the padding falls off and exposes a chronic weeping wound.

Think I'll leave mine exposed to air for a while, covering it up an't helping!

~W

[Hopalong]

Good for you, Write, let it air.
Reality is beautiful, wound or trophy.

Hon, you can trust Americans. The culture's screwed up and we're pretty confused. But don't be afraid of a generalization.

Maybe church guy though.

I too am missing being held and having that closeness and a chance for sparks. But I think it will come into my life again. Right now, like you, I've got some ups and downs and wounds to deal with.

much love to you Write,
Hops

[moonlight52]

Write ,
I am so sorry you are having a difficult time now.
You are such a kind sweet soul .
You have lifted my heart and soul so many times  and I want to say thank you.
Are you sleeping OK?
I do hope so .
I will tell you It is only now after two years of awareness of this illness that I can sometimes feel right in the middle of things
and say to myself it will pass sometimes it helps .I do know kindness always does ..
Awwwwwwwwwwwww (((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))) big hug

so much love to you
moon

[WRITE]

oh Moon, I am so glad you are here. You always say the right things.
Yes, I am sleeping though I leave on my fans and TV now to drown out noisy neighbours upstairs.

I'm in quite a funk that's for sure.

I went to the fitness centre and the man apologised unreservedly and refunded my money and promised it would not happen again.
I told him I still may cancel my membership, as I want to enjoy the place not it be associated with stressful events like this!

Even though it was the best of outcomes I still felt upset after, that's silly isn't it?

don't be afraid of a generalization.

Maybe church guy though.

what's bugging you so much about church guy Hops?!

I'm not even dating him, we haven't even negotiated that far yet.
It must be the slowest courtship in history, not that I am worried.

I'm off to work now.

Ex fetched son to reduce the amount of driving I'd do today, it triggers my illness.
I told him about the meeting with the manager, I said 'I can sort things out!" ( last night he said I was used to him sorting things ) he replied 'yes...eventually'.
Wouldn't be him without a little dig though, I might think I'd dreamt the last twenty four years!

 

[Hopalong]

Nuttin' honey.
I make no sense.

Projecting, projecting, goes the hermit.
(My fears coming out of nowhere.)

I think you're doing GREAT with church guy. Really!

I take it back, it wasn't a conscious comment, pure stoopidity.

Thinking of you, keep your chin up, okay? This will get better!

love
Hops

[Lupita]

Hi, just an idea. Dear Write, that has happened to me several times. What I do now is pay a fee for the complete year. It costs less, it was like half the cost for paying all tohether and they do not have to bother my bank.
You might consider that possibility.

Love to you.