Here's ANOTHER NMother memory

[bigalspal]

Hi friends,
This board has helped me so much, in so many different ways. The most important is THAT I GET TO TALK ABOUT IT & YOU GUYS DON'T THINK I'M CRAZY!
Here's a NMother memory that I just need to vent about.
I want to preface this memory & tell you my oldest daughter, now 28, is married, has a great job, & is a GREAT mother.
I just don't want to talk bad about her without giving her the kudos she so rightly deserves. Something MY mother would NEVER do.
Anyway, when my daughter was about 15, she took my car without permission & ran away. I was FRANTIC! And, of course, I was very ANGRY.
Wouldn't you know, right in the middle of all this chaos, my NMother calls! I proceed to tell her what was going on. I know, my mistake. But I was so upset, that I don't think I could have hidden my emotions anyway. As I'm freaking out & talking to her, you know what she does???
SHE LAUGHS AT ME!! That's right! SHE LAUGHS AT ME. Tells me now I know what it feels like to be in her shoes! MMM..EXCUSE ME? No, OMG where is she? What are you going to do?
No, she cackles HYSTERICALLY. Goes into a litany of my past transgressions. Now mind you, I wasn't a saint as a teenager, but I was waaaay too scared to take her car without her permission! The worst thing I ever did while at home was stay out past my curfew. Only a LITTLE past my curfew.
Back to the phone call....My crazy N in-laws now barge in the door without knocking & THEY join in the chaos.
My husband, as most of you know, is a truck driver & was on the road & he's beeping in on the other line! The last thing I hear as I tell my NMother that I have to go & try & find my daughter is that insane cackling laughter. OMG! How crazy is that? I don't remember her even calling back the next day to see if I found her safe & sound.
ARRRRGH! BTW, my child came back home a few hrs later. Safe & sound, thank goodness.
Thanks, friends. I just needed to rant.
Love,
Bigalspal

[Hopalong]

Hey BAP,

What a nightmare. I wonder, do you still have contact with her?
She sounds like a vindictive, poisonous personality....LAST thing you deserve to have dirtying up your happiness.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

(((Pal)))

I don't know how to get past the damage an N parent does to us. 

You just accept that they're toxic and can't do better. 

You give up hope that they'll ever be the parent you deserved and should have had. 

You mourn it and feel sadness for yourself in every direction. 

You replace the empty spot in your heart with something real and good and uplifting.  Replace it with people and things that enhance your life.   

Your mother did the best she could.  She's broken beyond all repair and she can't do better.... or she would.

[bigalspal]

Hi Hops,
She IS very poisonous! We live about 5 hrs apart, so I don't see her very much at all. The last time was our disastrous trip to Rome about 2 yrs ago.
Funny thing is, SHE calls ME at least once a month or more. It's so WEIRD! She was never one of those "Be in my life NOW", kinda NM other. It was NC on her part for years. Until the trip to Rome, which came out of the blue. Man, was THAT a disaster!
I don't get it. I must be honest with you & tell you she is MUCH nicer to me now than she ever was in the past. I think it's because after years of NC with her, I got my life back together. Somewhat. I was still walking wounded, but now I'm in a stable marriage, have a nice house & car. All the things she worships. My brothers, her somewhat "golden sons" are NOT doing so well anymore. Now, I think I"M the "good one"! It is so confusing!
Oh, don't get me wrong, she never wants to SEE me, (or her grandkids), she just wants to TALK.
I KNOW BETTER than to confront her about the past abuse. If you read my post about our trip to Rome, you know how THAT turned out!
But, the great thing is, because of this board, I don't freak out anymore!
I just say all the appropriate things & let it go at that. Like it's just a call from an AQUANTANCE, not my NMother. KWIM?? It's much better now, it really is. My husband & kids say I should go NC with her, but I kinda feel SORRY for her! I know that sounds crazy, but now that I know what she IS, It enables me not to take anything she says so personally. Plus, there is that "I want my mother's love" element going on. AND, if you've read some of my other posts, you know she stole ALOT of money from my aunt's will & SOME OF THAT WAS MINE! So, if I'm TOTALLY honest, I guess I'm hoping she'll include me in her will. She, while NOT admitting to the theft of the money, SAYS "You are doing so well now!" "I only give people money who don't ASK for it!" I've NEVER asked her for money. I know better! BESIDES, IT"S MY MONEY IN THE FIRST PLACE!! YOU STOLE IT FROM ME!!! ARRRGGHHH! Well, looks like this has turned into ANOTHER rant!
WOW! I feel much better now!  
Love,
Bigalspal  

[bigalspal]

Lighter,
I know you are right. Thanks to you & all the other wonderful folks on this board, at least I'm getting all the toxic crap out.
Love,
Bigalspal