Have you ever heard that saying "takes one to know one"?
Well, I was just sitting here thinking, remembering, how when I was with X, she did everything she could to try and convince me that she could make me leave my N-husband. She also didn't seem to like other N's in my life. As I was pondering this memory of her, it suddenly occurred to me...she recognized one of her own kind, most likely saw how despicable the behavior "appeared" (contrary to her false-personal that she presented to the world and wanted them to believe about her), and therefore didn't like him at all.
As I'm living with and married to an N, I watch how he talks against other N's and tells me how they think they are "really something!" He can't stand the idea that other people have preeminence in life over him.
In his delusional fantasy, he is the little boy again, living in poverty and believing everything is going to work out eventually somehow. He believes he married a woman that should have been like his mother...compliant, putting up with verbal abuse and poverty, and content to have no life other than housecleaning and raising children who dared not talk back to her.
In our reality, we have cockroaches crawling through our house, a house that is falling apart, very little food in our cupboards, and very stressed-out, angry children who react from that anger in different ways...eldest daughter, rebelled, got into bad sex practices and finally has settled down with her boyfriend, 17 yr old, met a boy age 15, now 16, and is planning to marry him next year, 13 year old, very much a recluse, finally going back to school (junior high) after being homeschooled by me for several years and reasons, 8 year old who plays the joker, always trying to keep everyone getting along and somewhat happy and peaceful...but often asks me "but you still love daddy right?" UGH. A wife who is fed up and ready to bail from this mess, ready to totally divide the entire family, just to find a piece of sanity and security once again. A wife who never was content being a house-cleaner and child-raiser ONLY. A wife who wants and feels she deserves a LIFE, not merely a poor existence with daily heartbreak.
N's create their own realities, usually from way back in childhood, when nobody explained things to them...what a REAL father and husband act like, what a TRUE friend does for another friend...what LIFE is really all about.
~Laura
