About Lighter

[Lupita]

I have friends that have boyfriends and have a very amusing life but their children are in drugs, I devoted my life to my son and it paid, I do not regret any single moment I rejected

I did not want a stranger in my house to make my son feel uncomfortable and feel that this was not his home anymore.

[Ami]

It seems that the really hard part is that no one  except  for you gets it. This mirrors life where people do not GET what the N is about. I am so, so very sorry,Lighter.(((((((((((((((((((Lighter)))))))))))))))))     Love   Ami

[Lupita]

Remember that Ns behave in an adorable way with people in general and in a dispicable way with thier victims. What they do to the victims, nobody knows, they always do it in private, nobody sees what is going on. That is why nobody believes you when you tell how bad is the person. My ex husband was adorable with everybody else but me. My mother is a very nice person except with me. Nobody believes you.

[isittoolate]

Dear Lighter,

You have been so good to me and now I am thinking of you ALL day and hoping all is turning your way for a change!!!

Love
Izzy

[Hopalong]

Hey Lighter...
Sorry, don't have one to hand. (But I notice there are 9 new answers since I checked here, so hopefully somebody did!).

Hops

[debkor]

Lighter,

I am sorry.  I should have said something before.  I do see that you are very frightenend.  I hear you saying you are afraid.
You cannot walk out of a store without thinking that your X may have sent a Hit Man.  Am I correct?   

You are fearfull in your own home and are prepared for a house break in by X or X's men.  You are thinking of self protection and even act out in your head how you will protect yourself and your children.

You worry about being shot through a window.   You don't sleep well because you are the only one on guard.
You have no peace even in your sleep.

YOU CANNOT SEE  What is coming SO YOUR EYES ARE EVERWHERE.  Your mind is always on Guard!!

You wish he would forget you and find someone else.  You wish a lighting bolt would come out of the sky and take him out. 

You wish he would be arrested and placed behind bars.

He thinks of you and your children as Material things that belong to him.

Are you afraid that if he don't have you NOBODY ELSE WILL?

Are you afraid that he will COME THROUGH  with his threats?

You say you are calling his bluff.  Now the cards are on the table, Yet you can't see his cards.

You live in Fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Not just the normal fear of money, stresses but fear for your life?

AND  you can't see him coming.  Don't know where he's at.  Don't know who's with him.  Don't know anything except you want peace and safety.

Yet you will not run.  You will not hide.  You will fight.

Am I correct?  Please tell me if I am off track here. I really want to be.

If I am correct.  I know Light, I know. 

I have lived like this myself.  I was not feeling safe until mine went to jail.

He has been out for 5 years now.  No contact but every now and then the dreams, the fear comes back and I still look over my shoulder.

How can we help you.

Deb

[Ami]

Dear Lighter,
   I am thinking about you,today, and hoping to hear from you . I would like to help in any way that I can,Friend .                                                              Love   Ami
 

[debkor]

Light,

 I am really sorry that I did not acknowledge this to you before.  I did read and feel everything you wrote.  I have been there I know what it feels like.  I'm sorry I just left you out there.  I have been left out there too.  I talked and people listened but never quite got the whole big picture because they were too afraid to step into my shoes on this one.

They couldn't. The shoes didn't fit them.  But I have had them on and I know what you feel. 

I hear you Light. 

Deb

[Sela]

Thinking of you Lighter and sending you good thoughts and vibes and prayers.

((((((((Lighter)))))))

Sela

[WRITE]

I heard from Lighter this morning, she was doing okay.

She's very private about some of her difficulties. I think a lot of people are during divorce, not wanting to put anything publically 'out there' to cause more problems.

~W

[Certain Hope]

Thank you, Write.

Sounds like wisdom to me.

Prayers continue.

Love,
Hope

((((((((Lighter)))))))))

[Ami]

I am glad that you heard from her ,WRITE.  I am praying for her safety and sanity  through this ordeal .
                                                                                                                      Love  Ami

[lighter]

(((Lupita))))

You are so special in my heart.  Thanks for comforting me.

I'm Ok, but I'm in a very offensive position.... driven there by N. 

I have some legal clarity and I'm feeling good about it, as good as one can feel in a divorce with children involved. 

The up side is...... I won't allow myself (read that as assist) N to push me around like he's been doing, unchecked. 

The down side is...... I'm beyond the point of posting about anything to do with staying with N's.

::Shaking head::  Just can't stomach it. 

I suppose this is a board announcement that I won't be posting in that arena any more and if I snap a bit, it's not about anyone here.... it's about me and the position I'm in now.   


I feel like I'm coming off a high altitude climb up a mountain road...... and peeking over the top, finally.

I didn't know exactly what I'd see.....

 but it was just more road, not a sheer drop with lions driving me over the edge!  ::Whew!::

The lion's still back there but I've begun rolling down the hill, so much better than remaining static. 

My wheels are  a bit squeeky and slow...... lopsided even in this imperfect legal system but...... 

At least I'm moving

and I realize I'm in a war chariot,

and I'm ready to do battle. 

My stomach thrills just a little bit at the unfamiliar movement..... like being on a horse for the first time, lol.  I can hear the clop clop of horses hooves, smell the leather harnesses and enjoy the unfamiliar sound of all this offensive gear beginning to roll. 

(you should see my attorney's eyesy light up, like a little kid at Christmas, as he contemplates all the evidence displayed before him, against N)  Smacking his lips and picturing the Judge's/Juror's reaction to this documented horror show, that's been my life.  ::Sigh::  Something to be said for good documentation, Ladies.  ::nod::


It's exhiliarating and sad (for my children's sake)  but I'm focused like I've never been focused in my life. 

A growing experience beyond all the rest, and I've had some intense growth experiences in the past 10 years. 

Intense: /

HERE I GO, lol!

I've never committed myself to fighting back before.  Not like this.  I've always gone belly up and allowed it before breaking contact and moving on. 

I can't break contact this time. 

Believe me, I wish I could: /

Thanks to everybody who's posted support.  I'm just getting back to the board and catching up: ) 

Your attention is appreciated so much. 

Thanks again (((Lupita)))

[Sela]

Dear Lighter,

You are an inspiration to all who must face the same battle!

Keep going!

You're doing great, even if it's the hardest thing you've ever done (and I bet it's close)!

The picture you paint with your words about the mountain, the horses, the thrills, the disappointments, fears, etc.....is very clear and focussed!  Go girl!!

This will end!

You will fight this fight and do your best and come out kicking and waving your fist and it won't be in vain!!

Every time a person exposes the horrors they've endured in a court room, llike you're doing,  it helps those who are yet to visit that court room.  It opens the eyes of those with the power to do something about it, be that in hindsight.

What a brave warrior you are, Lighter!! 

Just put one foot infront of the other and not only will you finish you're climb but you'll come off that mountain to the cheers of all who have yet to and must still climb it!

Reminds me of a run-away slave.     Don't think about failing or stumbling or getting lost or being caught!  Just keep freedom in the front of your head and follow that north star!!

((((((((Lighter))))))))    I'm so proud of you!!

Sela

[lighter]

Lighter,

I'm with you.  You're right, there's something exhilarating about being free from all the what-ifs and doubts.  My attorney has the same gleam in his eye.  This is not going to be pretty, but any ending at all is going to be a happy ending. 

Hang in there, Lighter.  We are on our way to the finish line.

CB

CB:  How much jerking around has your N been doing, referencing jerking away settlements he's offerend?

 How much pressure has been applied to you to spend time and money seriously considering offers you knew would never be honored?

That's one of the things..... that everyone has expectations of both Defendant and Plaintiff.  Reasonable behavior and the N is setting you up to look unreasonable all the time.  Mine applies pressure and doesn't give an inch unless someone else backs him off of me.  I'm trying to change that dynamic.

His behavior has caught up with him this week.  We'll see if it continues to.  We're back at square one and I'm just happy to be here, quite frankly. 

He's using the children to put still more pressure on me.... and I have to be diligent about enforcing safety boundaries for them and myself.  The children don't ask to see him anymore but...... it's my hope that they can see enough of him that they feel loved, even if it's only in their heads, and not be too damaged. 

He's always pushing and pushing and pushing.  Consistent force.  Never a moment for me to breath if he can at all help it.  I wish I'd have gone to the police in the first place.  That was a huge mistake I hope everyone else can learn from.