Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

sigh, sigh, sigh...

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Lizbeth:
Don't know why this keeps happening.  I log in, and then when I post, I"m not logged in. Sorry, for whatever reason, that post above was from me,

Lizbeth

Portia:
Nice one Gingerpeach:


--- Quote ---WE REALLY ARE NOT HUMAN TO THEM
--- End quote ---


and when we can reach the startling conclusion that they are not human like we are....then we can distance ourselves. And pehaps see them for the 1, 2, 6 year olds they really are - but unlike children, they don't need our protection or nurturing. And unlike children - they are never going to grow out of it. Maybe instead of Ns we could call them emotionally retarded/challenged? Sad but true it seems. Look after yourselves, P

PS Lizbeth: if you click 'log in to check messages' in the middle instead of the 'log in' bit, you might get in first time - but no guarantee!

Lizbeth:
Portia, thanks for the advice re logging in.  I'll try that next time instead!

Lizbeth :D

phoenix:
bye

write:
you cannot seperate them from their narcissism. There is no "real" or "good" person they can turn into if they only "got it". Personality disorders are wrapped around and all through their psyche, they cannot be seperated from it. There is no one better inside, they are their disorder.

this is interesting. I never see anyone this way, everyone is always more than just one 'label' to me.

I know this man inside out and there is much more to him than narcissism, he has many good ( and bad ) qualities. The narcissism is a flaw: he has a fractured self, not no self.

Even if he can reconstruct himself with his psychiatrist the problem for me is I'm living life now...I can't put life on hold for me any longer. It could take years, and maybe parts of him will never fully develop.

My pain comes from wanting someone to meet my needs, and wanting it to be him, and him being unable to, and me being disappointed...and that could happen in any relationship and THOSE ARE MY ISSUES.
I chose to be and stay in a relationship with such problems, I never would have if I'd been emotionally healthy myself, but like many here my childhood was abusive and miserable, and it's taken me years to fully know what a good life and a healthy self means.

What I need to heal my pain= acceptance, and nurturing myself while I grieve, then let go. Let go of anger, the past and the future we might have had. Not be bitter, or I'll take that with me into new situations and relationships.

letting go is the best thing for him too, because he's busy working on himself and trying to be a good parent...he doesn't have any spare resources to be there for me even if he was able. And he deserves a chance to try to change without me being in on the dynamics. I haven't seen him looking so relaxed and well in years- the strain has taken its toll on him too and as I work through my anger and pain I feel compassion and respect for him, through the recognition that I have choices and emotions he doesn't.

I gave myself a good talking to today, as you can see! I'll get there!

It's odd that you can get so anesthetized by your own pain or your own problem that you don't quite fully share the hell of someone close to you. Lady Bird Johnson

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