Ami made an excellent suggestion and I feel it would be really powerful to explore the pain that comes from being betrayed.
I recently went through a traumatic experience with an ex, and in that experience it became clear to me that rather than experience any pain this person was ready and willing and able to cause me pain instead.
there was an emotional "knowing" a connection that helped me understand that I experienced this in childhood and even instinctively knew what was happenning.
I probably tried to point it out or called attention to it in some way but was severely punished for doing so instead of having my needs met-- further betrayal.
Both my mother and father actively betrayed my welfare and emotional well being to meet their own needs -- they actively used me.
What kind of people uses another person to meet their own needs and if that person is hurt (has a need), ignores or punishes that person for being hurt (or in need)?
If I pointed this double standard out or called attention to my pain they punished me further for it!
I find that amazing. I can't imagine doing this to my own children!
I was to be used and also I was to be silent about being used.
This betrayal -- being hurt by the ones I am looking to for nurturing and then being asked to be silent about it has replayed itself through out my entire life.
I am just beginning to accept that many people are loving and caring but some people do not care at all about others WHEN their own feelings are on the table. They don't seem to know how to consider others while also taking care of themselves and to ask them to actually puts you in grave danger.
It is like throwing down your weapon in front of Hitler and asking for peace.
Hitler, who sees surrender as a sign of weakness, feels fully justified in killing you because you're so weak and have rendered yourself helpless. The two of you it seems are not speaking the same language.
For ex. I believe when I reached out to my mother for love what she received was that I was trying to invade her and violate her -- she wasn't open and there was scarcely enough love in her for her own self to spare a little for me.
Feeling under attack, she felt justifiable in attacking back, to my detriment.
If I was hurt then I deserved it. I assume her inner dialogue went something like this: If you don't want to get hurt then leave me alone.
Now of course, I was to meet any and every need she had w/o question. even the highly inappropriate ones.
as an adult, I intellectually understand this is the cornerstone thinking of any abusive relationship: You are here to serve me.
