Dandy hon,
We are not always responsible for our children's behaviors either. I have many times looked at how I handled things or Not. Sometimes it was me sometimes it was them. I owned my behavior (maybe not at the moment) but I owned it. And I said it and apologised for it. I am human. And then there were times when it was theirs (all theirs) and I left it to them. It was not mine to correct and I was not going to take responsibility for their behavior. We are not responsible for everything they do, say or act. As they are not with us. Although as moms I think we sometimes think we should like we are some kind of Super Human MOM. Sometimes it just had to do with growing and being so very young. Eventually they will own what is theirs and if they do not I don't think we should own what does not belong to us. If we do then we are at risk of stunting their growth. As painfull as that may be to watch.
Ah but the hardest part is figuring out what and what not we caused. When to take ownership and when not.
So I do agree with Hope and peace here. She may be very frightend and not so sure of her decision and you may be *sensible mom* which may be a threat to her because then she would have to THINK!
I know with my D that when she is very uncomfortable with something that she knows she may be making the wrong decision she goes to everyone else first. They all tell her, yeah your right, I agree. But she really does not feel that way and in someway she wants to be confronted by a disagreement. She will come to me last when she is ready *To confront her own honest feelings*.
I would not wait for her to call me Dandy. I would call her. Maybe she is leaving the cards in your hands. It's your play now.
What is the worst that can happen?
.
She is still only 17 not 18 and not married yet!
Dandy yes your heart breaks about her N dad but you did step up to the plate. You did not know and when you did you took action in your daughters behalf. She does/will know that.
Sometimes they take out everything on Mom because they know they can (unconditional). She is not grown up enough to put everything in it's right place even if she came from the only PERFECT FUNCTIONAL FAMILY in the universe because her brain is not fully grown yet and they still would make some very foolish decisions.
Lord knows when I was their age (I sure did )thinking I was grown. Hell I still do. Mistakes can never stop happening. They make get less and not so big but they will always be there, To keep learning from them. Even if it was the simplest as (I know the next time I visit that club on the beach I will not wear High Heels and put on my flip flops (lol) sorry my D found that out the hard way, but still learned. Beach=Sand=Flip Flops.
Remember the movie. Sweet Home Alabama, Where the girl runs off to New York to be a big fashion designer. She comes home to her roots and does not want her B/F's mother to see where they really live and uses a mansion saying it's her home because she's embarrassed. At one part her mom tells her to go back to New York that she wants her to live and be everything she was not. Be better then her and the daughter says, Whats wrong with being like you Mama.
Hang in there Dandy.
So no matter what choices they make in life, right or wrong, we always have to be there, As you are waiting to catch them if and when they fall to soften the blow.
Your a good Mom Dandy.
(((((hugs)))))
Love
Deb
