Yes, I was a part of that decision. Mammaw begged to come home with me while I was there and I told Dad I was open to the idea, and at the same time Mom and Dad were looking for a nursing home. The place that she was in rehab had a room but she hated it there. They looked at several and couldn’t find one that Dad thought she would be happy with. Then he was getting sick again. My father sent me $$ for a sitter and I’m in the process of looking for one. Agencies want 18 to 20 an hour for one. They don’t want to send just a sitter, they say because of her needs she needs someone with nursing experience. But I am here and can help her with her toileting etc. All I really need is a sitter, someone to make sure she doesn’t get up while I’m doing the laundry etc. When she’s in her right mind, she won’t get up, but the dementia is worse and frequently she will decide to get up on her own and if I’m not right there she will fall. I had someone when she was here before to come in at 20 an hour a couple or three times a week for 3 hours at a time, but if I pay that much again, I won’t be able to use her as long each day.
I’m trying to decide whether to get the hospital bed again. When she was in rehab she kept trying to get out of bed, so they put rails up. Then one night she decided she needed to get up and went over the rail. So I’m thinking I’ll just buy a double bed, move it by the wall, and sleep next to her. This way she won’t be able to get up at night without my knowing.
I’m also thinking maybe it would be cheaper to use the money to have someone drive the kids to and from school and have someone come in and help me with the house. My oldest could probably walk to the bus stop, but I’m not real comfortable with my youngest walking. And when my son is here, I can pay him to sit with Mammaw a couple hours at a time for a break, and I can advertise in the paper for someone to come in at 10 an hour and not go through an agency. Not sure how it will all work yet.
Today is day 2 that she has been here. Both yesterday and this morning have been the same. By the time I get her up, feed her and get her dressed she’s tired again. Right now she is sleeping in her chair. But yesterday when my cousin was here, she slept in the chair while I went to Walmart to get her some things. He was in the living room and she woke up and fell trying to get up. I have a personal alarm to hook onto her clothes, and she’s got it on now so I’m taking a little break and checking on her every 15 min. Maybe this will be the time of day for me to get things done etc.
I’ve also checked with the local convalescent center for respite in case they call my father for the transplant. I’ve talked to him about what to do and he says when they call him stay put for at least 3 days. He says he will be in ICU and wouldn’t know I was there the first three days anyway. Then, put her in the convalescent center for 4 days and fly in to see him. I have to take them the papers with her meds and a physician referral, and I’ll need to tell her something about what’s going on, but I’m not sure what. She’s been told before, but she won’t remember. She knows he’s sick, but not how sick. I also need to figure out what to do with the kids then. I dread dealing with my mother when all this happens.
I’m also working on her doctor. The one we had before was good, but he’s 45 minutes away and I’d like to find someone closer. And I’m trying to figure ways to limit my need to go out. I think I’ll make a menu for a month, grocery shop for a month at a time, and use one shelf of freezer space for each weeks worth of groceries.
Her surgery in June definitely took a toll on her and she’s not the same in many ways. But I think I can work everything out, it will just take a little time. I’m also trying to think about ways to keep her occupied. The sewing did that last time, but she can’t do that now. I’ll think of something. Maybe when I find the doc he will order more PT for her. She really enjoyed people coming in when she was here before. I’m also going to contact local churches to see if anyone is interested in visiting her. She likes company.
Things will settle soon it’s just a matter of getting everything worked out. I hope I can do this right. I think it's just a matter of finding the right resources.
