Taking out the trash

[Poppyseed]

I was thinking about getting rid of negative thoughts this week and realizing how often I allow my negative thoughts and evaluations to define my inner self and my life. Sometimes my negative feelings from the past literally invade and rule my today. 

 I read something today about how to get rid of these thoughts.  I read that we don't get rid of them at all.  We ignore them or let them pass without our attention.  I also learned that I need to plant more good thoughts and put my energies into nuturing those thoughts.  I have been practicing and finding my attitude changing. I am feeling differently about my problems and am finding more hope. 

 I think that I thought for a long time that I needed to attack the lies I have in my core belief system and the method I needed was to attack the lie directly.....like chipping away at it or extracting it somehow.  I have found myself weary, exhausted, and frustrated with this approach.  My H, who is so good a pma, suggested that I fight the lies by focusing my energy on truth.  not on banishing the lie.  I practiced this today.  I took all my negative thoughts and recorded them and then changed all of them to stuff I wanted to feel.  I was amazed at how I felt.  So much better.

 My H said to "Take out the trash" or take out all the thoughts that drain my energy, hurt/depress my spirit, discourage my progress by making me believe that I am nothing and my life is nothing but pain, etc.  Or take out all the stuff I don't need right now.   I need to focus instead on today or focus on the now, the moment.  Not to live in the past.  If the past comes back, I just need to take out the trash!

Anybody have any further insight into this??

[changing]

Good Point!
When I see or hear from my NH I lose my positive focus and go into a tailspin. It is amazing, with the same set of circumstances, how one's mindset can have a crucial effect in making things go in either a very good or very bad direction. I need to take out the trash promptly. It really helps me to post on this board when I am struggling underneath a big pile of that trash-kind words signal the way out, funny sharp words cut the issues into manageable segments and provide inspiration. Now I'm going to practice taking out the trash and getting better control of my thoughts.

Love,

Changing

[Bella_French]

Yes, that totally resonates with me Poppyseed. When I was still untangling myself from my relationship with my last N boyfriend, I started to read books from `norman Vincent peale' (the power of positive thinking) and similar authors. The message seemed to be that we can choose our thoughts, and that it is better to choose positive thoughts over negative thoughts.

At first, that approach felt uncomfortable for me. I didn't quite trust it, because I have tended to embrace my negative emotions and thoughts, as a connection to my reality. The idea of just pushing bad thoughts away instead of acknowledging them felt like a kind of suppression, i guess.

Well anyway, i indoctrinated myself with this unfamiliar way of thinking, and tried to see its wisdom. And then I tried forcing myself to think positively when I found my thoughts heading in a negative direction.

I can honestly say, that out of everything I've ever learned, this was the best and most useful tool I've ever come across. I no longer see the technique as a form of 
suppression, but as focusing on the solution instead of focusing on the problem.

It has been so good for dealing with my triggers. When my triggers are set off, I feel terrible and I have  noticed that my thoughts will sway towards darkness. That also happens when I have a biological reason for feeling bad, like during PMS. But when i take control of those thoughts, and force myself to have faith and actively search for solutions, my bad feelings seem to go away.

I've been doing this for 5 years now, and its starting to become a habit. Its definately something about myself I'd like to improve.

Thankyou for mentioning this, Poppyseed.

X Bella

[Hopalong]

I thought for a long time that I needed to attack the lies I have in my core belief system and the method I needed was to attack the lie directly.....like chipping away at it or extracting it somehow.  I have found myself weary, exhausted, and frustrated with this approach.

Me too, Poppy. You put it eloquently. 

My H, who is so good a pma, suggested that I fight the lies by focusing my energy on truth.  not on banishing the lie.

I think your hubby is brilliant. Focus on truth rather than on banishing a lie.

I like this because lies seem to be to be like an energy that flows throughout humanity, and focusing on truth seems like using jujitsu...stepping aside and letting the lie blow by on its own foul energy, while we focus on our own motion, our own balance/truth. And that protects us from disintegration and exhaustion in the path of lies.

Changing, me too.

Bella, I needed that reminder to do positive reading, etc.

I saw Bill Moyers give a long speech last night that was all about reality and truth and exposing what is furtively hidden (lies). It was both sad (he's been demonized by the far right) and inspiring. He is such a decent man, and a truth teller.

love
Hops

[Certain Hope]

Dear Poppy,

Once I discovered how absolutely crippled I was by my old habits of avoidance, I began the process of tugging at each loose thread in the fabric of my life... (like your chipping away at the lies) and quickly began to unravel. What I discovered is that each loose thread was connected to one large knot at the center... a knot of hurt and sadness.
So now what?

I'd tug at one of those loose threads of me, only to reveal more loose threads, with no pattern or design, just a tangled mass with a big old hairy knot in the middle.  For me, I think the key is to not allow the knot to be the hub anymore.
For me, Jesus is the hub.
Identifying with Him and recognizing the new creation He has made me allows me to keep the knot in perspective, off-center, along with all those loose threads.
Now I see them as all the stuff the Lord is trying to untangle of my inner life... so that He can flow outward.
It's up to me whether to allow that knot to be incorporated into my being or to choose to see it as a remnant of a past which is gone now.

Focusing on the truth is the only way, I believe. The lies = the darkness which can only be banished by the Light and I've found that counting my blessings is one very important method of shining that Light.
And something else...
Recently I dug out some old "baby" pictures of myself and the darkness really became threatening. I began seeing snapshots in my minds, at odd times... photographs, like flashbacks... of myself, of my children... and the overriding theme of this little slideshow was guilt and shame. The voice of the narrator said:
"Look at how messed up you've been... everything you've done is tainted by your weaknesses and inability to be real.
You've failed... look at you - you didn't even have a self, you didn't know then what you know now, you only had what your mother taught you, so your children will fail... and it will all be your fault. There's nothing you can do to change that now... you've wasted your life living a lie."
This would happen as I was going to sleep and I'd pray for God's help, for relief... I'd feel absolutely hopeless within myself... and suddenly, before I knew it, without consciously deciding to, I was praising the Lord for His almighty power and strength, silently, lying in bed, giving thanks to God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit for His mercy and grace and compassion.
And I'd fall asleep.

That didn't come out of any religious training I've ever had, Poppy.
I was not taught to do this.
What happened is that God allowed me to recognize the voice of the narrator of that slideshow... and it's not my mother's voice, or my npd-ex's voice, or the voice of anyone else who's ever misused or disappointed me, including myself. It's the voice of the enemy of our souls. Praising God shuts him up.
So that's how I take out the trash.

Love,
Hope

[Poppyseed]

Hello my friend, Hope!  (love your name by the way)

I know what you mean by recognizing the voice of the deciever.  I have often marvelled at how mean and relentless and tormenting that voice is!  Feel like I am so aquainted with the tactics.  I feel like satan is a master at confusion and of twisting truth.  Half or part truths that can look so convincing.

I so appreciate your words.  Light!!!! banishing the darkness.  Reminds me of a line from one of the Harry Potter movies.  Dumbledore  says about dark times,  "...If one only remembers to turn on the light!"  And of course, Christ is the light of the world!  Thanks for your feelings about praising God.  I think so often that I have to remember who God is.  Remember what he is like.  Trust!!!!  Put my life in His hands.  Put my problems in His hands too.  And then move forward with faith while He orders and provides for me.  Feel like my belief in God's nature is being tested at its core.  It is tough and scary but proving to be a huge blessing.  I am learning much about how trust worthy He really is.

We have a song we sing in church called "Count your many blessings" (abridged version)
                 
               When upon lifes billows you are tempest tossed,
               When you are discouraged thinking all is lost
               Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
               Help and comfort give you to your journeys end,
               Count your blessings, name them one by one
               And it will surprize you what the Lord has done.

It is an upbeat little song and I have known it all my life.  You are so right that counting blessings really is such a key!  Wish I was better at it.  I really am blest though.  A little nerdy, but blest!!!!

Love and goo,
pops

[Certain Hope]

Dear Pops,

 

That's just it! I'm not very good at it either (counting blessings)... but that's okay, I'm not expected to have all my ducks in a row.
If I could do that, I wouldn't need a Saviour.
So when my upside down thinking gets set right, it's always in the form of a gentle reminder, and never a condemning "should" or "oughtta".
Those times when I feel like the "lightswitch" is far out of reach and I don't even have the questions to ask... there is the Holy Spirit, going between my heart and the Source of all light and truth, on my behalf... pleading my case and freely giving the answer. That's what I count on... His free gift, not my own ability.
Whew.
Blest indeed, even in the tempest!
And a llittle nerdy also...

Your friend,
Hope

[Poppyseed]

Man, I learn so much from you everytime you post.  Relying on my own ability or the "arm of the flesh" is one of my pitfalls.  Trying to practice relying on His strength.  So much more peace in that. Not needing to know all the answers and not needing to have it all mastered before I can rest.  BIG ideas for me.  So timely!

Thanks again, Hope.
Put me in one of your fan clubs!

pops