Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: teartracks on August 12, 2007, 03:20:55 PM ---
Sycophant: A servile self-seeker who attempts to win favor by flattering influential people.
This might explain why said friends 'helpful' actions were way over the top. She was in the company of Bones who she possibly sees as superior as well as Bones colleagues. I think sycophant would come under the heading of narcissist, but may not necessarily be excluded from other types of disordered behavior. And if it is a stand alone behavior, it may not qualify as a disorder. Maybe it's a very annoying quirk. Not sure on that.
If the friend is not disordered in other significant ways, then there is a chance that talking through this incident might be a wake up call for her and help her correct the behavior for the future. I'm just punching in the dark here, but then I'm just your friendly, garden variety VESMB poster. :lol:
tt
--- End quote ---
Thanks, TT!
I haven't heard from her since we arrived back home. She stopped speaking to me on the plane after I emphasized the word "NO" and ignored me after the plane landed and her husband drove us home. I was too tired to care.
Bones
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Certain Hope on August 12, 2007, 05:54:00 PM --- :D :) :D Congratulations, Bones !! :D :) :D
((((((((((Bones)))))))))) Three cheers for you on your MS !
Say, does your friend ever respond with anger when you correct her?
Love,
Hope
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Hope!
Ironically, she puts on the pseudo-stupid routine whenever anyone corrects her.
Bones
Ami:
Dear Bones,
It is sweet how you answer everyone's posts.
The potato salad and being late with the "phony excuse" is MY MOTHER -- all the way. My M was not violent,but she did those types of things all the time.
She was meeting someone at the subway station to go to Boston to hear a lecture. My mother did not show up until much later. The person went to the lecture alone. Then ,my mother showed up much later . My mother thought the person was a jerk for getting upset. My mother did not know why the person "over reacted". She did not know why the person didn't like her.Her explanation was that the person was just a "jerk".
If it was not so sad, it would be really,really funny.
It is sweet that you want to help the mother. the mother sounds very decent. Love Ami
Certain Hope:
--- Quote from: BonesMS on August 13, 2007, 08:52:58 AM ---Thanks, Hope!
Ironically, she puts on the pseudo-stupid routine whenever anyone corrects her.
Bones
--- End quote ---
Dear Bones,
You're welcome!
Reading your last posts and thinking back to your previous mentions of this friend, I can really sense her anger toward...no, hatred of... her family.
Her plea to add celery to the heirloom potato salad sounds like a childish attempt to rewrite history... and very sad.
I feel so sorry for her and for her mother.
I wanted to say also, that I don't believe boundary invasions are always NPD behaviour, by any means... and that blank look of your friend sounds to me like an act of splitting - dissociating - which I've think implies something else going on with her... within her.
When I was a little girl, my matron aunt was always wanting to fix this or that on me, to tend to me, as I realize now, as she felt herself to have been neglected... and she could be very pushy and invasive. I think she identified so closely with me at that point, that she really thought we were the one in the same. Maybe that's what's happened on occasion with you and your friend... like at your graduation... she couldn't stand to see herself doing the things you were doing and was desperate to correct them/ you.
Anyhow, aunt lived with her mother, my grandma, all of her life, acting out her numerous resentments in a very passive-aggressive manner and consistently denying accountability, all the while defying her mother (and anyone close to her) in the most ridiculous ways. Grandma disliked clutter, so aunt would heap it in every corner of the common space they shared, especially catalogs, all around their little kitchen nook table, while she had a huge bedroom (my grandma's was a closet, in comparison) with a huge desk and floor space in which she could have kept these piles. But no - they had to be prominently displayed for the purpose of aggravating her mother. That's just one example of a kazillion.
She was always late, too. Always. And so very childish... would set her eyeglasses down in the middle of a stairway or give a young child in the family some treasured possession with which to play. All of this begged someone to say, "uhh... that's not wise", so that she could replay her "you can't make me grow up" routine. Toward the end of my grandma's life, aunt chose to get some vengeance by uncovering grandma's weaknesses in a very deliberate manner, speaking with relish of grandma's incontinence and other daily issues of a woman in her 90's.
It was really pitiful to see... and your friend reminds me of her.
Dunno whether that helps any, but just thought I'd share it :)
With love,
Hope
Hopalong:
Hi Bones,
This sounds almost like a neurological deficit of some sort, or a little PTSD-ish (you mentioned it happens when people are yelling at her). I wonder if it could be:
--- Quote ---Mother told her "NO", the recipe doesn't need those other ingredients....leave it. A minute or two later, "friend" asks her mother if she wants celery. Mother, again, told her "NO, the recipe does not need it." This was repeated over and over again for about 30-45 minutes until Mom started yelling "NO means NO!" And yet, "friend" kept repeating the same question acting pseudo-stupid. Finally I chimed in with "What part of the word "NO" do you NOT understand?!?!? Mom has said 'NO, she does NOT need celery! Please STOP!!" "Friend" gave us both the blank stare and the glazed eyes.
--- End quote ---
I have a close friend w/PTSD who often does a blank uncomprehending stare. Sometimes she appears unintelligent although I know she is not. She tells me that she has to work hard to process verbal information. When she's tired, she can barely speak coherently.
Hops
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