Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
Certain Hope:
Dear Bones,
It is very frustrating. I wish I'd had a resource like this board when I was struggling to deal with my aunt... but she's gone now.
I felt very sorry for her always... she was so miserable, and for nearly all of her last 25 years of life, she was ill with one thing or another.
She gave many gifts to her nieces and nephew... and to my children. She had a knack for finding the most special, precious items... always, only the best. Pretty little trinkets and decorative stuff... things that we could never have purchased on our own.
Thought of something else with her regarding boundaries to share with you. I didn't realize what it was about at the time, but years ago, when my oldest girls were very small, she stopped by our house with my Grandma to visit. The kids were chatting with their Great-Grandma when suddenly - Aunt stood in the middle of the room & pulled off her wig to show them her baldness (she'd been undergoing chemo for one of her many cancers). She kept trying to bend down to give my little girls a better view, while they just stood there, mouths hanging open... :shock: I think she even shocked my Grandma, because it took a bit before finally she said to Aunt, "Time to put your hairpiece back on" very firmly. And I saw the expression whisk across aunt's face... rage. Then the blank look.
With what I now know, I'd say that she was furious with her own mother for not giving her medical concerns enough attention. But I also know that it never would have been enough attention for her... she was bottomless well. Very sad.
Love,
Hope
Tweety:
Bones,
Hey congratulations :lol: 8) :lol: 8), Sorry I'm a little late to this post.( no its not on purpose lol lol :lol:
Bravo for all your accomplishments.
If I had a nickle for everytime I had said "What part of No don't you understand" Id be rich. Thank you for sharing all this. Something for me to think about. I too have seen that blank look. Very interesting. PSTD , maybe...wanting to be the center of attention, definitely. Underlying jealousy/competition absolutely.
Again... way to go
Much luck and best wishes in your field!!!!!!!!!!!
Love Tweety
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Certain Hope on August 14, 2007, 09:29:05 AM ---Dear Bones,
It is very frustrating. I wish I'd had a resource like this board when I was struggling to deal with my aunt... but she's gone now.
I felt very sorry for her always... she was so miserable, and for nearly all of her last 25 years of life, she was ill with one thing or another.
She gave many gifts to her nieces and nephew... and to my children. She had a knack for finding the most special, precious items... always, only the best. Pretty little trinkets and decorative stuff... things that we could never have purchased on our own.
Thought of something else with her regarding boundaries to share with you. I didn't realize what it was about at the time, but years ago, when my oldest girls were very small, she stopped by our house with my Grandma to visit. The kids were chatting with their Great-Grandma when suddenly - Aunt stood in the middle of the room & pulled off her wig to show them her baldness (she'd been undergoing chemo for one of her many cancers). She kept trying to bend down to give my little girls a better view, while they just stood there, mouths hanging open... :shock: I think she even shocked my Grandma, because it took a bit before finally she said to Aunt, "Time to put your hairpiece back on" very firmly. And I saw the expression whisk across aunt's face... rage. Then the blank look.
With what I now know, I'd say that she was furious with her own mother for not giving her medical concerns enough attention. But I also know that it never would have been enough attention for her... she was bottomless well. Very sad.
Love,
Hope
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Hope.
Also, with my "friend", I couldn't help but notice that she refused to even acknowledge me as I got out of their car...refused to look in my direction or even speak. I just let it go and went about my business. I just didn't like the feeling of being physically violated after she had been told "NO".
Bones
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Tweety on August 14, 2007, 11:16:56 AM ---Bones,
Hey congratulations :lol: 8) :lol: 8), Sorry I'm a little late to this post.( no its not on purpose lol lol :lol:
Bravo for all your accomplishments.
If I had a nickle for everytime I had said "What part of No don't you understand" Id be rich. Thank you for sharing all this. Something for me to think about. I too have seen that blank look. Very interesting. PSTD , maybe...wanting to be the center of attention, definitely. Underlying jealousy/competition absolutely.
Again... way to go
Much luck and best wishes in your field!!!!!!!!!!!
Love Tweety
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Tweety!
You are very kind!
Bones
Bella_French:
Lol, I wanted to punch her after reading your post, Bones. Not that I would, but thats how I felt.
Yes, I think the ability to commit boundary violation can be a trait anyone can have, for any number of reasons. But she sounds like a weirdo. She seemed to do things you asked her not to do *right after you asked her not to do it*. That's what I find weird, to the point where I wouldn't feel very comfortable with her as a friend.
Maybe the others are right, and she was jealous..that sounds like a good explanation.
Can you get rid of her somehow?
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