Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
Tweety:
--- Quote ---The sexual aggression stuff may put a whole other spin onto this and would be a whole lot more difficult to bypass or excuse, so I dunno...
just thought I'd share with you my impressions of another "clown" I know.
--- End quote ---
Hey Hope,
Eeesh.... after reading your comment I'm ALMOST feeling like I over reacted, but not quite.
Because yes, there have also been alto of sexual talk from him, a lot of projecting stuff. ( He is in his late 50"s) He's also talking a lot about sexual , stuff, st first "seemed" funny , than I started to get that "Been here before feeling" and the radar went up and I just kinda observed for a while. And ooop there it was. It's funny because when I first met him years ago I didn't like him ---pre recovery...
Should have listened to myself my intuition was right...than of course I did the usual ,
doubting myself stuff, and let myself "try" to like him stuff.
God truly has a plan for us, because I was not working with him then, and now work with him 1 day a week ( he only comes in 1 day a week) for the past year.
--- Quote ---I sense that it's a constant battle for him to impress upon them that he's really a "good guy"... as though he's not comfortable with the fact that he can boss them around. He wants so much for them to genuinely "like" him that he'll act generally silly and sometimes uses a warped sense of humor and odd mannerisms in their presence. He does the butting in deal, too... very annoying. But actually, I think he's just really nervous and doesn't know how to connect with people in that setting, so this is his way of trying to make them more comfortable with him and make himself feel like he's not being "left out". Unfortunately, it just makes people think he's weird... lol.
--- End quote ---
Yes, I sensed that as well, which is why I TRIED to doubt my self at first, but still tooooooo much sexual stuff going on with him.
I learned alot, which Is mainly what I have been learning lately, which is to listen to myself and my gut, and not get to close....... Before anything like this happens.
Because for my part in this, I must have aloud him some sort of permission to come into my personal space, because I laughed and thought it was funny at some point.
I guess I didn't know how to handle it yet..........
progress not perfection right?
Love Tweety
Overcomer:
Don't really do anything with the information. It's just this weird need to know everyone's business. I think it is weird. Like I always look at the obituaries. Then I get sad if a baby dies or someone young dies. Sometimes I see people I know. Then I call my other friend who reads the obits and tell her.
Certain Hope:
Hi Tweety :)
Yup... I understand that "ALMOST" feeling like you over-reacted!
That's a big part of why I'm here on the board, reading and talking through situations like this. In order to learn how to take in the bigger picture and discern wisely, I guess we have to sort through not getting hung up on "triggered" sort of reactions which can lead to black vs white thinking.
I've had to practice alot of that with my husband, post-N... because sometimes it's so difficult to tell whether I'm being reasonable or not, when some ordinary "male" thing he says or does sets off a siren. Taking that knowledge outside the safety and security of the intimacy of "home" and applying it out in the world is another story. This helps!!
By the way, that's really something... how God allowed this doc to be re-introduced into your life at this point... kinda like a progress check.
Oh yes, He has a plan!
I've had things like that, too... getting a chance to re-evaluate and receive validation re: people who I found difficult in the past, for various reasons, but wasn't sure why. This is wonderful!
All that sexual innuendo... I wouldn't care for that a bit, either! Maybe he's just so immature, maybe he's this, that, or the other... but the lesson I get from this is that it's up to us to draw the lines. We can "put the best construction on everything" and give people the benefit of the doubt and all that good stuff AND still hold our own boundaries firm. It's not an either/or proposition... and that was a revelation to me.
Progress, not perfection... oh yes :)!!!
Love,
Hope
Certain Hope:
Hey, Kelly,
Check this out? http://www.aishealth.com/Compliance/Hipaa/RPP_Nosy_Employees_Require_Remedies.html
I just skimmed it... kinda gives a picture of what might be going on behind the scenes of our nosiness.
Love,
Hope
Ami:
Dear Tweety,
I think that this guy is DANGEROUS. The "punch in the arm" strikes me as way over the line and just the beginning of the potential for physical abuse. It is just my intuition.. I would really, really try to not 'engage" with him. I think that he is worse than you realize.
Your intuition warned you about him a long time ago.
What did you do? Not trust yourself( our BIGGEST problem)
Let's make a pact--right now_- to trust our intuition. How about it?
i was thinking about your N mother--- changing in to a monster.
I think that if we faced it as kids, we might have gone insane-- literally. Now, we are left broken b/c of them.. The worst thing in our brokenness is not trusting ourselves.
I am going to start to go to a 3 D support group ,like you recommended.
Tweety, I can hear so much intelligence, humor and warmth in you.The answer(IMO)is to "mine' it like a miner searches for gold.
Inside ourselves is our TRUE self and all these unique and wonderful qualities. for us to discover. The N's stripped us bare(or almost) of our potentail.
I am finding things that I really like about myself when I am 'real" Love Ami
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