Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Hope!

I'm also working at the Hotline during the weekend so that will keep me busy!

Bones

Oh, Bones... and here I thought you'd have the weekend off!
Do you follow somewhat of a prepared script in working the Hotline?
That sounds quite challenging... definitely need to be an excellent listener, I'd think.

Rainy day ahead here, so I'll be plowing through a stack of paperwork the kids brought home from school.
Parents get the most homework when a new school-year begins
Take good care of yourself, sweet Bones.

Love,
Hope

Thanks, Hope!

In working the Hotline, there is no prepared script as any kind of call can come in at any time.  It's hard to believe that a new school year is about to begin again!

Bones

[Certain Hope]

Thanks, Hope!

In working the Hotline, there is no prepared script as any kind of call can come in at any time.  It's hard to believe that a new school year is about to begin again!

Bones

Bones,

The hotline sounds like an "edge of your seat" experience... needing to be prepared for anything! That would take alot out of me, I know, and  I hope you get to rest and recreate in the most enjoyable way afterwards

They started school yesterday - one day and then the weekend, thank God!
I drove them in the morning, but it's too much gas to make the round trip daily...
so...
3:35 pm I get this text message from daughter:

"I HATE this bus and I never want to ride it again EVER."
I thought:     Oh, my... I'd best go rescue her/them.

I text back: "Where r u??"

Her response:  "Sitting here at the school, waiting to leave."

LOL

Oh, the drama.
They made it fine!

Love,
Hope

[Tweety]

Ami,
Yes, I do believe that was a great lesson for me in many ways. Hopefully I "learned" my lesson and I don't have to keep recreating it in my life.
 Thanx, Tweety

[Ami]

Dear Tweety,
   I think that you are learning many new lessons very deeply. When we have the lessons deep inside, then our life(on the outside changes(IME).
   Tweety, I am so glad that you are here                                Love  Ami

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Hope!

In working the Hotline, there is no prepared script as any kind of call can come in at any time.  It's hard to believe that a new school year is about to begin again!

Bones

Bones,

The hotline sounds like an "edge of your seat" experience... needing to be prepared for anything! That would take alot out of me, I know, and  I hope you get to rest and recreate in the most enjoyable way afterwards

They started school yesterday - one day and then the weekend, thank God!
I drove them in the morning, but it's too much gas to make the round trip daily...
so...
3:35 pm I get this text message from daughter:

"I HATE this bus and I never want to ride it again EVER."
I thought:     Oh, my... I'd best go rescue her/them.

I text back: "Where r u??"

Her response:  "Sitting here at the school, waiting to leave."

LOL

Oh, the drama.
They made it fine!

Love,
Hope

LOL!  Sounds like normal kid stuff!!!!   

I enjoy working at the Hotline, especially when I know I'm helping to make a difference in someone else's life.

Bones

[BonesMS]

A brief update....

Said "friend" called me yesterday as I was preparing to head to work at the Hotline.  She wanted to "drop in" (at the last minute) to show me a brochure about some stuff she is considering.  I reminded her (again) that I have a job on the weekends and this last minute stuff is not conducive to anything constructive.  Needless to say, she kept dithering and mindlessly blathering about how she *NEEDS* my opinion on this stuff!     Again, I repeated that I'm on my way out the door.  I hang up, finish gathering the materials I need for the Hotline and start heading out.

I encountered one of my neighbors in the hallway of my building (I'm the building captain) and she asked me several questions concerning our Homeowners Association and related issues.  As I'm responding to her questions, who turns up at the building door?  Said "friend" because she ASSUMED it would be OK to take up only a "few minutes".  (She never pays attention to the time.)  I bid my neighbor good bye and walked out the building to the parking lot while "friend" continued to dither and blather about what SHE wanted to talk about.  My only response was an absent minded nod and an "Uh-huh" while walking to my car.  She finally came to her own pre-decided conclusion and went on her way without interfering with my getting to work.  THANK YOU!!!!!!!

Bones

[BonesMS]

And she didn't seem to notice that I didn't let her into my home nor really responded to her blathering.

Bones

[changing]

Hi Bones-

I once saw Indira Ghandi alight from a motorcade of black Mercedes, with a host of guards preventing anyone from accosting her, very effective...perhaps we should think of a similar method- maybe 4 silent but watchful dobies- one in front, back, on each side?

Bones, you are the best!!!

Changing

[Ami]

Dear Changing,
   That reminds me of myself and my two dogs( who don't like my H too much)         Love     Ami

[Certain Hope]

Hey Bones,

Not an attempt at diagnosis here, but wow - she just sounds so... disconnected from reality and... ritualistic? Like this is some pre-set task she's set up for herself to perform - getting your "opinion" (even though she's already decided?)  What a collossal waste of time. Annoying indeed! Good for you, keeping to your own schedule and not allowing yourself to get sidetracked there.

You know, I can feel, from what you said about your hotline work... what makes it special and enjoyable is that you are impacting the lives of others, for the better.. making a difference.
By the same token, what makes this friendship (and some of my own, too) so frustrating and... empty... is the lack of impact we're allowed to have on folks who don't listen, don't show us respect, don't really even seem to notice that we're individual, autonomous human beings!
Yuck. I am really working on qualifying the terms of friendship for myself and being more selective about actively choosing people with whom it might be enjoyable!! and fulfilling!! and mutual ... and not just such a drag all the time.

Happy day at work to you, Bones.

Love,
Hope

[BonesMS]

Hi Bones-

I once saw Indira Ghandi alight from a motorcade of black Mercedes, with a host of guards preventing anyone from accosting her, very effective...perhaps we should think of a similar method- maybe 4 silent but watchful dobies- one in front, back, on each side?

Bones, you are the best!!!

Changing

Thanks, Changing!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Hey Bones,

Not an attempt at diagnosis here, but wow - she just sounds so... disconnected from reality and... ritualistic? Like this is some pre-set task she's set up for herself to perform - getting your "opinion" (even though she's already decided?)  What a collossal waste of time. Annoying indeed! Good for you, keeping to your own schedule and not allowing yourself to get sidetracked there.

You know, I can feel, from what you said about your hotline work... what makes it special and enjoyable is that you are impacting the lives of others, for the better.. making a difference.
By the same token, what makes this friendship (and some of my own, too) so frustrating and... empty... is the lack of impact we're allowed to have on folks who don't listen, don't show us respect, don't really even seem to notice that we're individual, autonomous human beings!
Yuck. I am really working on qualifying the terms of friendship for myself and being more selective about actively choosing people with whom it might be enjoyable!! and fulfilling!! and mutual ... and not just such a drag all the time.

Happy day at work to you, Bones.

Love,
Hope

Thanks, Hope!

I've noticed that as more time goes by, the less patience I have with her.

Bones

[BonesMS]

As some of you may know, I'm working on the weekends at a crisis hotline.  I have also been informing said "friend", for a month now, that I am no longer available on the weekends because I am working this second job.  Has she paid attention to THAT?!?!?  No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!!!!!!!!  I reminded her last Saturday when she turned up blathering mindlessly as I walked to my car.

Today, during my shift, she attempted to call me AGAIN!!!!!  I let my cellphone take the voice mail message as I was in the middle of a serious call.  In the voice mail, she "assumed" it was OK to call me even though she KNOWS I am at work!  (She was calling me from her job.)  When I got a free minute, I sent her a BLUNT e-mail REMINDING her ONCE AGAIN that I am WORKING and that I don't have time to be chatting on my cellphone when I'm covering crisis hotline calls.  She sends back an e-mail response acknowledging my being at work and emphasized that she "assumed" it would be OK to call me anyway because she "assumed" I was going to take a break and after all she MUST discuss a BRILLIANT idea that SHE HAS!     She then goes on in her e-mail that she "assumes" that I will be available to call her Sunday afternoon (even though she KNOWS I am scheduled to WORK during this time frame!)  Needless to say, I didn't bother to return her call as she can't seem to respect other people's time and space!  AAACCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!

Bones

[Certain Hope]

Wow, Bones... that's alot of assuming goin on!

I don't know whether passive-aggressive fits her behaviour, but it just feels that way to me... like she's giving you instructions - but trying not to sound like she is.

It's great to have someone with whom to share insights and "brilliant" ideas, but sheesh... sure is nice to have some common, ordinary respect and mutuality, too! Being baited, pulled, and pushed into interacting is surely not mutual. I'm sorry she doesn't hear you, Bones.

Love,
Hope

[BonesMS]

Wow, Bones... that's alot of assuming goin on!

I don't know whether passive-aggressive fits her behaviour, but it just feels that way to me... like she's giving you instructions - but trying not to sound like she is.

It's great to have someone with whom to share insights and "brilliant" ideas, but sheesh... sure is nice to have some common, ordinary respect and mutuality, too! Being baited, pulled, and pushed into interacting is surely not mutual. I'm sorry she doesn't hear you, Bones.

Love,
Hope

Thanks, Hope!

I would say that passive-aggressive best describes her behavior.  I've been backing away from her and she STILL doesn't GET IT!!!  What's even more aggravating is that she ASSUMES that ALL of her assumptions are automatically "magically" true and continuously acts on her assumptions!!!  I'm not the only one she does this to!  She does it to her family members and she's done it at her job!  One time the head honcho came down on her department, breathing fire, because she went ahead and acted on one of her assumptions!  She described to me how all of her co-workers turned around and glared at her!  Then she attempted to put on the "pseudo-stupid" behavior with me, trying to garner my sympathy for her and I blasted her for wasting MY TAX MONEY WITH HER STUPID ASSUMPTIONS!!!!  (Her job involves government money!)  Her response?  Blank expression and glazed eyes.  It wouldn't surprise me if she gave that same expression to her co-workers while they were glaring at her and the head honcho was yelling at her!  It's a miracle that she still has her job after the head honcho tore her a new you-know-what in front of her department!  I just don't understand why she can't seem to LEARN from her mistakes and stop repeating the same stuff expecting different results!  Sheesh!!!!

Bones