Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[Ami]

Hi Bones,
  Just saying "howdy". Thinking of you and your exercise program. Find an exercise you enjoy, use an I pod, if you have one, and forget about everything else , except the movement. I like to do that. Talk to you soon.                                                   Warmly,   Ami

[BonesMS]

Well, NDoofus sent me a personalized e-mail asking me if anything was wrong.  (DUH!    )  I told her I am ANGRY and that I need time to think!  She asks if I am angry in general or angry at her.  (Double DUH!!!!)  I SHOUTED at her that I AM ANGRY AT HER AND LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME THINK!  Her response?  "Well, we can continue this conversation via e-mail or you can call me at work.  I have a meeting and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH......"   NDoofus has gotta be dumber than a bucket of rocks!!!!!

Bones

Bones...

Are you really thinking about what you might want to say to her?

Or are you avoiding her?

Just asking because... if you've really made up your mind already, that you don't want to hear from her again, then just saying that to her directly can be so liberating!

On the other hand, if you've not decided, definitely, that you want to close the door on further communication...  then she has no reason to stop contacting you.

I'm sorry if you have already said you told her that and I've forgotten... but I don't recall you ever drawing that final boundary?

Love,
Carolyn

Right now I am not talking to her.  Basically she's responding the same way she did when her sister tried to talk directly to her about her inappropriate behaviors...continuing to be obtuse and ignoring the obvious.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Hi Bones,
  Just saying "howdy". Thinking of you and your exercise program. Fnd sn exercise you enjoy, use an I pod, if you have one, and forget about everything else , except the movement. I like to do that. Talk to you soon.                                                   Warmly,   Ami

Thanks, Ami.

The exercise program uses computers, music and a timer over the loudspeaker so it helps to focus on exercise and not deal with anything else.

Bones

[Certain Hope]

Right now I am not talking to her.  Basically she's responding the same way she did when her sister tried to talk directly to her about her inappropriate behaviors...continuing to be obtuse and ignoring the obvious.

Bones

I understand, Bones.
Guess she's either made the deliberate choice to be obtuse... or else she doesn't have the wherewithal to do differently.

If not talking to her gives you peace, then that's great. I only wondered whether you'd ever told her, point blank, "I prefer that you do not email me anymore."

Not that it'll change her one iota, but making such a clear statement of preference, when necessary, has changed me, personally, alot!

Love,
Carolyn

[BonesMS]

Right now I am not talking to her.  Basically she's responding the same way she did when her sister tried to talk directly to her about her inappropriate behaviors...continuing to be obtuse and ignoring the obvious.

Bones

I understand, Bones.
Guess she's either made the deliberate choice to be obtuse... or else she doesn't have the wherewithal to do differently.

If not talking to her gives you peace, then that's great. I only wondered whether you'd ever told her, point blank, "I prefer that you do not email me anymore."

Not that it'll change her one iota, but making such a clear statement of preference, when necessary, has changed me, personally, alot!

Love,
Carolyn

So far, she has left me alone.  As far as telling her point blank, I have watched her family members tell her point blank "NO!" several times within a span of 20 minutes.  After it reached the point where they were cussing and SCREAMING at her, she gave them the glassy-eyed blank stare, blinked a couple of times, then asked:  "Does that mean 'No'?"  Like I said, dumb as a bucket of rocks or, as you said, being deliberately obtuse.

Bones

Bones

[Izzy_*now*]

hi
You could change your email address and be done with her.

I did that when I was inundated with viruses, and she is a virus, and I think the N had something to do with it. It was scary.

[BonesMS]

hi
You could change your email address and be done with her.

I did that when I was inundated with viruses, and she is a virus, and I think the N had something to do with it. It was scary.

Because my e-mail address is on my resume' that I've distributed to many places while trying to search for certification/licensure opportunities, changing it would impact these opportunities.  The same goes with the phone number.  So far, she has left me alone.  If she decides to resume harassing me, I could get a court order telling her cease and desist or else.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Just wanted to comment that a few days ago, on a daytime TV show, they had a segment on "Children of the Self-Absorbed" where two women were interviewed about what it was like living with Narcissistic mothers.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Haven't been feeling physically well since Thursday and I don't know why.

Bones

[Gaining Strength]

Bones - what program did you see about N mothers?  Were they able to describe their experience in a way that really portrays the horror?

[BonesMS]

Bones - what program did you see about N mothers?  Were they able to describe their experience in a way that really portrays the horror?

It was a Fox 5 morning show called "Mike and Juliet".  I was only able to catch bits and pieces here and there because I was at work and the crisis lines were ringing.  What little I could catch had two daughters of two different Nmothers describing what they endured.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Found this blog posted on an Autistic Tourist site.  Fortunately, for the victim, the incident occurred in Virginia.  This soon-to-be-ex wife sounds like an N!   

http://www.freewebs.com/lifewiththents/weblog.htm

Bones

[BonesMS]

So far, (knock on wood), NDoofus has left me alone.

I did have a blow-up with blueberry when he backed out, at the last minute, from an event we had been planning for three months.  Blueberry knows that he's on extremely thin ice given that he has a habit of doing the same stuff repeatedly.  I told him that "if nothing changes, nothing changes" and I'm ready to make some changes that I know he won't like!  He attempted to give me flowers and I gave the flowers back telling him that the same old behaviors does NOT fix this problem!  The problem can no longer be ignored by him and I am done!  He's making other efforts to make amends so I have to give him credit for trying.

Bones

[BonesMS]

I know that bf meant well but I wish he had talked to me before he contacted NDoofus to tell her about my recent medical problems.  I have not been feeling well for 2 to 3 weeks to the extent that it was affecting my job performance.  My job performance has deteriorated where I am at the risk of being fired.  When I saw my doctor, she did an EKG and it came back abnormal.  I'm on unpaid medical leave while I undergo a battery of tests to see exactly what is going on with my heart.  Once all the results are in, then I have to make a decision regarding my ability to continue the job I have been doing for the past year or if I have to file for disability.

For now, I'm dealing with e-mails from NDoofus asking what she can do to "help" me.   

Bones

[Ami]

Dear Bones
 I am sorry you are not feeling well. My heart goes out to you, dear. I wish all is well. You have certainly  been through enough sorrow for 10 people's lifetimes with an NM like you had.                     Ami