Author Topic: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?  (Read 1305166 times)

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #765 on: May 18, 2009, 05:14:38 PM »
Just wanted to share a thought or two, based on a situation that almost occurred some years ago....

Suppose you were either LC or NC with your N, then suddenly, one day, they show up on your doorstep, uninvited and unannounced, with a moving van and they announce that they are moving in with you!  How would you respond?

Bones
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seasons

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #766 on: May 18, 2009, 06:49:34 PM »
Quote
Just wanted to share a thought or two, based on a situation that almost occurred some years ago....

Suppose you were either LC or NC with your N, then suddenly, one day, they show up on your doorstep, uninvited and unannounced, with a moving van and they announce that they are moving in with you!  How would you respond?

Bones

I would have the biggest panic attack!
 Dh would drop her off at her adult children's home or a hotel.
Sometimes she hints if this or that happened she would have no where to go. I am silent, knowing she means me. But she has 5 adult children. :(
I think she likes to play shock treatment with me.

I wish I were at a point to honestly say I would slam the door in her face. lol..........not kidding though.

How did you handle it, Bones? You said, almost. So you must of thought of your options if it did occur...wondering?  seasons
"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God."
Maya Angelou

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #767 on: May 19, 2009, 12:09:57 AM »
It wasn't me it almost happened to but to the daughter of an N that I know.

This N made a HUGE production of giving up her apartment and announced that she was moving to another state to move in with her daughter.  However, it appeared that she never bothered to inform the daughter of her plans.  Fortunately, for the daughter, she found out in time and put a stop to it.  The N is still living in her apartment and contacts me from time to time.  She is a real trip!

Bones
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #768 on: June 08, 2009, 01:33:47 PM »
I'm feeling VERY aggravated right now!   :P

Yesterday, my neighbor brought a Canada gosling to me that clearly needed medical attention ASAP!  I don't have much background nor training in wildlife rescue so I attempted to call bf as he has more experience than I do in this area.  All I got was his voicemail.

My neighbor loaned me his cat carrier and I drove over to bf's house, with the gosling, thinking he might be in his backyard and didn't hear his phone.  I checked his backyard, no one is there, I pounded on his door with my fist, no response.  I called his home phone, from my cell phone, while standing on his porch, and listened through his mail slot, only to discover that his phone's ringer is turned off!  I called and left a voice mail message on his office phone, thinking he might have gone in to work.

Because I could not locate bf, I had to return home and explained to my neighbor that I could not locate bf.  As a result of being unable to locate the appropriate veterinary treatment that the gosling needed, it died.  Needless to say, I was VERY UPSET and VERY ANGRY about an innocent baby animal dying needlessly!!!!  I NEVER heard ANYTHING back from bf for the remainder of the afternoon nor the evening in response to my voice mail messages.

This morning, he calls me, from his office phone, in response to the voice mail message I left there.  He thought I still had the gosling with me.  I informed him:  "IT DIED!!!!  WHERE WERE YOU?!?!?!?"  He responded:  "I was in my backyard painting my shed."  When I told him that I had gone over to his home, been in his back yard, pounded on his door, YELLED for him, and saw for myself that he WAS NOT THERE, he got all flustered and stammers:  "Uh-h-h-h-h, I don't know where I was!" 

He's an IDIOT!!!!!!   :x :P :evil:

Bones
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Ami

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #769 on: June 09, 2009, 10:33:18 PM »
Dear((( Bones))))
 It sounds like an upsetting and scary situation. I am sorry you had to deal with it alone.
                                                                                 Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #770 on: June 10, 2009, 08:43:55 AM »
Dear((( Bones))))
 It sounds like an upsetting and scary situation. I am sorry you had to deal with it alone.
                                                                                 Ami

Thanks, Ami.

Bones
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #771 on: June 15, 2009, 09:41:05 AM »
During the weekend, I participated in a photo shoot involving members of the Community Emergency Response Team.  While talking to another CERT member, I discovered that there is an active e-mail list for CERT members in my geographic area.  Turns out that the reason I did not know before is because one other CERT member convinced everyone that he would be THE contact person for another group that I am involved in.  Apparently, this Ndividual decided unilaterally what HE would relay to this other group and what HE would filter out depending on what HE was interested in!  (Typical N!)  The last time he did this, the information he sent wasn't clear so I asked questions, attempting to obtain more accurate information.  He responded with insults toward me because I DARED question HIM!

I was able to obtain the information I needed by conducting research and finding another contact person.  When I went to the first photo shoot, I learned that the N acted on his own information, wouldn't listen to anybody, and went to the WRONG SITE!  When the N finally showed up, all I did was look at him, then walked away.  I had NOTHING I wanted to say to him as I already knew he was not going to hear me!

In the meantime, I managed to get on the CERT e-mail list so that I can get information on future events instead of being forced to depend on an N!

Bones
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #772 on: July 02, 2009, 09:18:33 PM »
This evening, bf comes over to take care of his birds.  I attempt to have a conversation with him....no response.  I try a second time....no response.  I try again for a third and fourth time....no response while he continued to keep mucking about with his birds.  It was as if I wasn't present within my own home!  Finally, I commented:  "Do I have to start throwing things to get a response?!?"  THAT got a reaction!!!!!  Sheesh!!!!   :?

Bones
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #773 on: July 24, 2009, 10:31:42 AM »
It appears I DO have a voice!  He just doesn't HEAR me!   :P

Bones
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seasons

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #774 on: July 24, 2009, 11:50:48 AM »

Isn't that the truth!
"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God."
Maya Angelou

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #775 on: July 24, 2009, 08:19:33 PM »
Sure is!!!!  It's also very FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!

Bones
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #776 on: July 24, 2009, 09:41:44 PM »
I had an interesting experience, recently, that put me in the rare position of being only an observer of human behavior.

I was invited out to dinner with a group of relatives from out of town.  After dinner, we had a discussion about whether or not to have dessert.  The consensus was to go ahead and order dessert but then there was a debate of what type of dessert to order.  (NICE dilemma to have!!!!!   :mrgreen:)  We decided on two types of desserts, one of them involving a LOT of chocolate while the other was a new type of dessert that had never been experienced before.  I opted for the new experience as did a couple of others in the group.  One wanted to order the chocolate and expected everyone else to order the chocolate as well.  She was told to go ahead and order the chocolate for herself and everyone else will order what they want.  She decided not to do that.  As a result, the one that disagreed with ordering the new experience decided not to order any dessert at all.

When the new experience desserts arrived, I went ahead and started enjoying it, as did the others who ordered the same type of dessert.  The one who decided NOT to order anything attempted to give us a guilt trip for eating a dessert that she didn't like.  I just gave her a funny look and continued to enjoy my dessert without making any kind of rejoinder.  It was interesting to just sit back and watch the others debate about the "guilt trip" while I simply enjoyed the new experience.  The thought that kept running through my mind was:  "Why are they wasting so much energy when they can be simply enjoying the experience instead?"

Bones
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #777 on: July 28, 2009, 03:35:38 PM »
When I was channel-surfing yesterday, I stumbled across a new concept that I never thought of before when Dr. Phil mentioned "brides-maid-zilla"!   :lol:  He described the concept of the "brides-maid-zilla" criticizing EVERTHING and/or interfering with the wedding preparations, etc.  (Does this sound like N behavior to you?  It does to me!)  Then it came to me that NDoofus behaved just like a "brides-maid-zilla" when she attempted to rip apart my regalia and otherwise behaved like a total A$$ demanding that ALL the attention should be focused on HER and that I should drop my attending my own graduation so she could go sight-seeing!

What are your thoughts?

Bones
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #778 on: July 29, 2009, 04:29:56 PM »
Does anyone else have similar experiences with dealing with an "NBridesmaid-zilla"?

Bones
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Hopalong

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #779 on: July 29, 2009, 10:56:48 PM »
Hi Bones,
I did not have bridesmaids at either wedding, and both times, my spouse/s (!) and I agreed that we didn't much like the wedding industry and had little interest in creating a pageant.

My first wedding was a simple compromise between the denominations/faiths we were raised in, and apart from us writing our own vows, it was traditional and mostly to please the parents. We did it all for $800.

The second time, there was more character and fun to the preparations (whole thing cost us $300) and it was lovely (marred by a nightmare wedding night, but that's another story)!

If I should marry again, no Zillas at all. I think I would marry in my backyard and would love it to be at a party, where so many good friends have gathered...and then we'd surprise the guests, produce a celebrant, and do it right then!

hugs
Hops
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