Would it make a difference in your feelings if you knew for sure if he is being passive-aggressive or if he was truly living in a fog? In other words, would you either dump him or set stronger limits if you knew he was being passive aggressive but tolerate his cluelessness if it was just the "absent minded fog" thing going?
Even if he is just clueless, he is obviously extremely smart, and I still think he needs to use all those brains to figure out some of these things ... he might not be malicious but he is obviously frustrating you extremely.
Have you ever tried writing him a letter? You communicate so clearly and well in writing. Of course I have no idea how you communicate in person ... is it possible that growing up with an extremely N parent (or two) has made it hard to look somebody in the eye and be as clear as you are on the forum? I don't mean that as a criticism ... I just mean, if you are getting frustrated with him not getting the message in person, I KNOW FOR A FACT you are a great writer and can get your point across in writing. And he can read and reread to his heart's content, and can't claim you didn't say what you said, or claim you weren't clear, etc.
