Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Just blogging away as I'm still snowed/iced in for awhile.

As far as Alec Baldwin's behaviors, I'm more and more convinced that he is an N.  After all, what loving parent, in their right mind, would call an 11-year-old child "a pig" then, three years later, threaten to overdose AT her because the child DARED to disagree with him!?  If he's supposed to be an adult, I sure don't see it!

Bones

[CB123]

Bones,

Sounds like your BF is not the right guy for you.

Do you feel trapped into staying in the relationship?  What keeps you from just breaking it off and moving on with your life?  Do you feel as though you are in love with him?

CB

[BonesMS]

Bones,

Sounds like your BF is not the right guy for you.

Do you feel trapped into staying in the relationship?  What keeps you from just breaking it off and moving on with your life?  Do you feel as though you are in love with him?

CB

Financially, I'm stuck because I need his rent to keep my head above water.  My pension is not enough to live on and I have been unable to find a job due to my medical and physical limitations along with my age.  I'm not qualified for SSI or SSDI, my disability occurred after I retired, early, from my Civil Service job when that job was abolished.  I'm not old enough yet for Medicare plus the pension disqualfies me for Medicaid.  Because I worked so long under the Civil Service Retirement System, I may not be able to qualify for Social Security when I become old enough for that.  I'm constantly juggling what I can afford each month due to the medications I have to take yet, according to a bureaucratic "formula", I'm not considered "poor enough to qualify for any assistance".  I have not gone back to the eye doctor because my health insurance won't cover that and I can't afford to pay for that out-of-pocket AND obtain my medications.  The dentist I used to go to has stopped accepting the kind of dental insurance I have, which makes paying him out of the question.  I DO have health insurance but they have been paying less and less, forcing me to pay MORE and MORE out of pocket!  There's an article in the March/April 2010 AARP The Magazine that talks about this type of situation.  The article is titled:  "Living on the Edge".

Bones

[seasons]

Hi ((Bones))

Sad, but I understand completely. Thanks for sharing the article, infuriating.

What do you think about this one?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/11/anthem-blue-cross-spendin_n_458044.html.

This world is crazyyyyyyyyyy!

Be well. seasons xo

[HeartofPilgrimage]

Bones, How 'bout cooking up that bird food for him? Hot water, butter, salt ... he might possibly get the message if you did. Of course, I have a little not-so-nice streak in me that you probably don't have ...

[BonesMS]

Hi ((Bones))

Sad, but I understand completely. Thanks for sharing the article, infuriating.

What do you think about this one?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/11/anthem-blue-cross-spendin_n_458044.html.

This world is crazyyyyyyyyyy!

Be well. seasons xo

Thanks, Seasons.

You're right!  The world is crazyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Bones, How 'bout cooking up that bird food for him? Hot water, butter, salt ... he might possibly get the message if you did. Of course, I have a little not-so-nice streak in me that you probably don't have ...

I've gotten even meaner suggestions about harming the birds.  The birds are the total innocents in this!  It's not their fault he's such a Birdbrain!

Bones

[BonesMS]

I went to bed early last night because I felt so tired.  Birdbrain didn't show up until after 9:00 PM and woke me up.  Then he went to take care of his bird.  He knows what he needs to do to clean up around them and he also knows that I am NOT happy with the fact that he infested my house with HIS cockroaches!!!!!

This morning, after being woke up by muscle spasms, which put me in a VERY BAD MOOD,  I limp around and discover he DID BOTHER TO REALLY CLEAN AND VACUUM!!!!      He just left the filth where he dropped it last night and went home!  DAMMIT!!!!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Looks like I'm going to have to get up and STAND OVER HIM to make him CLEAN UP HIS FILTH AND COCKROACHES!!!  DAMN!

Bones

[Hopalong]

Hi Bones,

Are you his landlord? I was a little confused, was thinking y'all lived together.

Or does he help you pay your own rent?

I sympathize about bird poo, and roaches are the worst. Uggh. (I had them in Baltimore...they drove Lincolns, I swear...and once here at home my parents' house got them and my Dad was running around with a little spray can, not realizing it was time to call the professionals and I about got hysterical because I knew he didn't understand how they'd take over...one appeared on my nightstand in my bedroom and that was IT! Finally he got it, called in the pros, and we got it taken care of.)

Now, years later, I got mice. The snow has driven them indoors, and though the house is essentially in good shape, it's not "sealed". Accck.

I once had a canary for my D and she liked to let it fly around her room. Guano. Ugghh.

Does written communication help with you and your boyfriend?

Like, can he be helped by notes taped up? He seems to forget about step-by-step stuff, like what's on the grocery list, or what steps make a task complete. What about if you left a note (no anger in it, just steps):

XX, before you leave:
--Feed birds
--Clean up all droppings

Same kind of thing for shopping.
XXX, please get ALL of these things:
--
--

Does that approach help? Tried it?

hugs (spring WILL come),

Hops

[BonesMS]

Hi Bones,

Are you his landlord? I was a little confused, was thinking y'all lived together.

Or does he help you pay your own rent?

I sympathize about bird poo, and roaches are the worst. Uggh. (I had them in Baltimore...they drove Lincolns, I swear...and once here at home my parents' house got them and my Dad was running around with a little spray can, not realizing it was time to call the professionals and I about got hysterical because I knew he didn't understand how they'd take over...one appeared on my nightstand in my bedroom and that was IT! Finally he got it, called in the pros, and we got it taken care of.)

Now, years later, I got mice. The snow has driven them indoors, and though the house is essentially in good shape, it's not "sealed". Accck.

I once had a canary for my D and she liked to let it fly around her room. Guano. Ugghh.

Does written communication help with you and your boyfriend?

Like, can he be helped by notes taped up? He seems to forget about step-by-step stuff, like what's on the grocery list, or what steps make a task complete. What about if you left a note (no anger in it, just steps):

XX, before you leave:
--Feed birds
--Clean up all droppings

Same kind of thing for shopping.
XXX, please get ALL of these things:
--
--

Does that approach help? Tried it?

hugs (spring WILL come),

Hops

Hi Hops!

I've tried EVERYTHING you suggested and he still DOESN'T GET IT!!!!  He's still walking around with my WRITTEN grocery list in his wallet and has NEVER LOOKED AT IT when I asked him to bring me what I needed BEFORE BOTH BLIZZARDS HIT!  He lives elsewhere but his birds are my "roommates" plus he has some of his stuff here because he's run out of room at his place.  It took me years to finally figure out what's going on with his place...HOARDING!!!!!  I finally put my foot down and told him that if he's going to be leaving his stuff here, then he's gotta pay rent because I refuse to be free storage along with free laundry, running up my utility bills, and I refuse to clean up after his birds because I have asthma!  He doesn't understand the concept of asthma either!     My neighbors are p*ssed off at him because he NEVER lifted a finger to help in digging out my car after the two blizzards!  He just walked past and IGNORED EVERYTHING!  TWIT!!!!

Bones

[Hopalong]

It must be so frustrating, I can imagine.

If he were a client in a clinic, would you have some sort of a diagnosis for his obliviousness?

I mean, your descriptions sound like someone maybe sort of ADD-ish who literally CAN'T retain logical sequences and instructions in his head...?

He's not a mean person, right? He's just in a kind of a fog?

Hmmm.

How would you advise some OTHER couple to work on that kind of a communication problem?

(If they care about each other and want to retain the relationship...)

hugs
Hops

[BonesMS]

It must be so frustrating, I can imagine.

If he were a client in a clinic, would you have some sort of a diagnosis for his obliviousness?

I mean, your descriptions sound like someone maybe sort of ADD-ish who literally CAN'T retain logical sequences and instructions in his head...?

He's not a mean person, right? He's just in a kind of a fog?

Hmmm.

How would you advise some OTHER couple to work on that kind of a communication problem?

(If they care about each other and want to retain the relationship...)

hugs
Hops

He could be A.D.D.  I have to look it up in my DSM later on.  He just called and is on his way here now.

Bones

[HeartofPilgrimage]

They say that if you wonder if your kid has ADHD, observe how they act after you've fed them something with caffeine. If they are actually calmer, they are probably ADHD. You could probably do that with your BF ... see if he focuses better after a stiff pot of coffee!!!

[BonesMS]

They say that if you wonder if your kid has ADHD, observe how they act after you've fed them something with caffeine. If they are actually calmer, they are probably ADHD. You could probably do that with your BF ... see if he focuses better after a stiff pot of coffee!!!

He drinks coffee every morning, at his place, before he goes anywhere.  I haven't observed the hyperactivity part but when I looked up Attention Deficit Disorder, (sans Hyperactivity), HE MEETS THAT CRITERIA!!!!!  So I'm presuming that he is A.D.D. but was never officially diagnosed.  (They didn't have these services available when we were in grade school.)

When he came over to clean up after his birds, I DID stand over him and point out WHERE he NEEDED TO CLEAN AND VACUUM!  Otherwise, he won't do it!

Bones