As some of you may know, I like to read advice columns in the morning, before I start my day. One of the advice columns I started to read is under the title of: "Dear Prudence". The following caught my attention on September 7th and I have been ruminating about it:
"Q. I Don't Like My Son's Girlfriend, but He Wants To Propose:
My youngest (in his 20s) has a girlfriend that I can't stand. She's a beautiful girl, and very smart and nice, but she's very unrealistic. She is always telling my son that he can "do anything he sets his mind to if he works hard" and that he should go after all his dreams in life. This is all well and good, but I want my son to have a serious, realistic outlook on life. Most people don't get everything they want out of their adult life. I know for sure I didn't. I'm worried that this girl is convincing my son to expect too much. That's not how his father and I raised him. He's been dating this girl for a few years, and he came home last night with a huge ring—bigger than anything I've ever had! He is going to propose to her in a week, and I want to stop him. I know my son is happy with this girl—the happiest I've ever seen him be, in fact, but I'm worried that he'll have unrealistic expectations with her and be disappointed later in life. But he loves this girl with all his heart, and I can see that she clearly loves him as well. What should I do?
A: These darn young people, so optimistic, so healthy, so exuding excitement at all that's ahead of them. Why can't they understand that in the next 40 years someone is going to tell them, "I'm sorry, you didn't get the job." "I'm going to have to biopsy this." "You're not the boss of me and I hate you and I'm running away from home!" and "Let me see if this comes in a larger size."
You're right that life doesn't work out exactly as hoped for anyone. That may be particularly true in your case, because you're such a defeatist downer. (Have you had an evaluation for depression?) One of the jobs of being young is to think that there is an exciting world of opportunities out there waiting to be grabbed. Guess what: that's what actually does happen for a lot of people (though not you). Your son sounds like he's in love with a wonderful girl. You should shut up (or, as they say in the Cymbalta ads, "talk to your doctor") about your gripes, and tell him how happy you are for him. You need to concentrate on addressing what's gone wrong in your life rather than try to ruin his."
What is your take on this woman? (I can't call her a mother.) She sounds VERY SELF-CENTERED to me!
Bones
