Hi Miz Bones,
I have a mildly-Aspie close friend who finds himself getting kind of "stuck" on various interactions with people. For him, the frustration is that he'll say, I don't understand it (whatever the interaction was).
I think he feels that he SHOULD understand everything that happens. So he gets really frustrated when someone's signals or expression or what they say isn't crystal clear ... or consistent with what he's figured out.
(He's also brilliant in many ways. Just the interaction things can really trip him up, and he sort of keeps re-living an encounter, trying to revise it backward. Get it "right.")
It's hard for him to "shrug and let go."
Do you think this idea --saying it to yourself until it works--might help you when these things happen?
Shrug and let go.
love to you,
Hops
Being an Aspie, I tend to perserverate on people/places/things that confuse the heck out of me, trying to figure things out. I think I've figured out why I found myself feeling so irritated. This individual seemed to have an attitude of entitlement to the contents of my address book because she assumed that others wouldn't mind plus assumed that her assumption is automatically true,which it is not. NDoofus had also demonstrated a similar attitude of entitlement to what she wanted and acting on her own assumptions without bothering to do a reality check. Neither of these two individuals seem to understand that others have a right to boundaries and privacy. Personally, I don't care who is who. When anyone demands the contents of my address book, I basically tell them "N-O". Without trying to brag, some of my friends happen to be well-known celebrities and they have shared their private contact information with me because they know I will guard it like Fort Knox! Therefore, when individuals like this former classmate cop an attitude because I dare say "No", they tend to pluck my last nerve!
I've also had my privacy violated when others have disclosed my private contact information to others without my knowledge or permission. NDoofus gave my contact info to some telemarketers because she ASSUMED "it was okay"! I HATE TELEMARKETERS!!!!!! After I reamed out the telemarketer and she apologized for disturbing me because she was acting on information NDoofus had told her, I then called NDoofus and tore her a new a$$hole for giving out my information!!! She tried to excuse herself because she ASSUMED it was "okay" and her assumptions are ALWAYS MAGICALLY TRUE!!!! (Stupid B*tch!
) The other violation was worse when I started getting WEIRD letters from a MAXIMUM security unit in a Virginia prison from an absolute TOTAL STRANGER!!!!! When I read the first letter, I was LIVID!!!!! Turns out that one of my former acquaintances was visiting her husband, in maximum, and she started giving out my person information to the other inmates there, WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE OR PERMISSION, because SHE ASSUMED I wouldn't mind!!!! I was unable to find her after she pulled that stunt!!! I wonder if she finally realized what I thought about the cr*p she had done! I returned the other letters, unopened, and I was ANGRY!!!!!! I've moved from that address and feel relieved that some weird former prison inmate can't suddenly turn up on my doorstep!
So, no, can't just "shrug it off" as I've learned to be hypervigilant the hard way. Just like I had to be hypervigilant with the sleazy dweeb. He may have been good in bed but he had NO heart and NO soul! He was more like an emotional vampire that has to be constantly watched...if that makes any sense.
Bones
