Hey Bones,
ya know, sometimes I think it's easier to think that there aren't any "rules" - there's just people and the present moment. Some people I like - but not always, all the time. Some people are funny... sometimes. Some people are kind - and can be jerks, sometimes too. (me too) Why? Who knows!! Does it matter why? Maybe some times, but not always.
"Rules" are meant to be questioned - reviewed for relevancy - every so often. Like wearing white pants or shoes after Labor Day. Relationship rules, too. Of course, that conflicts with some built-in inner need us humans have for "certainty" - a "this is the way it's supposed to be". I run into this a lot with hubby. Just because I got mad at him once, when I was trying to read the paper - and the TV was on - and he wanted to talk to me all at the same time... he thinks it's a "rule" that he has to leave me alone while I'm reading the paper!! He can't tell when I just need to read as "downtime"... or when I can switch "channels" back & forth with my attention and talk to him, too. He wants me to wear a sign, you know? "Do not disturb".
For him, that one time is a "rule" about how he interacts with me. He doesn't get that it was just that once - or that it's not always a Greta Garbo moment: "I vant to be alone" ! It's getting better tho, now that we're almost always together these days. Don't know if I'm getting better at signalling him, or if he's getting better at reading me... doesn't matter which, really. Maybe I just need less withdrawal, turtle-ish, downtime.
At least for me, the idea that there are "rules" about "how to be | act | interact" with people - whether in social situations or one on one - comes from the "training" I got for how to exist in my FOO. Chances are, the things I find disgusting, too personal, or rude are things I'm not going to do/be... and most other people will think/act the same way. (sometimes!)
Is that more - or less - confusing?
