Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[lighter]

"They might be an N if their behaviors demonstrate the following attitude:  'If you don't do what I want, I will f%^! you up!' and then the suspected N proceeds to do so, flipping the blame on you because you DARED to say 'NO' to their demands."

What do you think?

Bones

That's pretty much the way I experienced it.

Lighter

[BonesMS]

"They might be an N if their behaviors demonstrate the following attitude:  'If you don't do what I want, I will f%^! you up!' and then the suspected N proceeds to do so, flipping the blame on you because you DARED to say 'NO' to their demands."

What do you think?

Bones

That's pretty much the way I experienced it.

Lighter

Thanks, Lighter!

And to add, when the N proceeds to "F%$k you up", it can be passive-aggressive, aggressive, mentally, physically, verbally, emotionally, psychologically, sexually, spiritually, a combination of all of the above, plus other means that I haven't thought of yet.  An example of "passive-aggressive" would be for the N to hone in on something you value, such as being punctual, something you recently achieved/obtained or needing to be somewhere by a specific time, and the N deliberately TRASHES whatever that is; then the N acts the "TOTAL INNOCENT" and flips it back on you!

Bones

[BonesMS]

And when the N is confronted about the most recent inappropriate behaviors, one of the responses would be the glassy-eyed blank stare.

Bones

[BonesMS]

How else to spot an N?  (The Beginner's Manual)

Bones

[Hopalong]

Maybe...one way is to be alert to your own deeper instinctual responses to the person.

Even when we miss visible external cues (those people are so so good at masking), if we get better ourselves, we can hear our internal boundary-alert siren. There's buried wisdom in all of us.

Or I can about half the time, which is a vast improvement.

Hops

[BonesMS]

Maybe...one way is to be alert to your own deeper instinctual responses to the person.

Even when we miss visible external cues (those people are so so good at masking), if we get better ourselves, we can hear our internal boundary-alert siren. There's buried wisdom in all of us.

Or I can about half the time, which is a vast improvement.

Hops

Kind of like that little feeling one gets that "something is wrong here but I can't quite put my finger on it".  Does that make sense?

Bones

[BonesMS]

Also, is it just me or do an OVERWHELMING number of N's DESPISE/LOATHE/HATE hearing and being told the word:  "NO" to whatever they want/demand?

Bones

[BonesMS]

"They might be an N if their behaviors demonstrate the following attitude:  'If you don't do what I want, I will f%^! you up!' and then the suspected N proceeds to do so, flipping the blame on you because you DARED to say 'NO' to their demands."

What do you think?

Bones

That's pretty much the way I experienced it.

Lighter

Thanks, Lighter!

And to add, when the N proceeds to "F%$k you up", it can be passive-aggressive, aggressive, mentally, physically, verbally, emotionally, psychologically, sexually, spiritually, a combination of all of the above, plus other means that I haven't thought of yet.  An example of "passive-aggressive" would be for the N to hone in on something you value, such as being punctual, something you recently achieved/obtained or needing to be somewhere by a specific time, and the N deliberately TRASHES whatever that is; then the N acts the "TOTAL INNOCENT" and flips it back on you!

Bones

Today's Dear Abby seems to include some examples of N-Behaviors that we've discussed.  What do you think?

Bones

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20110108

[BonesMS]

Another observation based on a recent conversation...the person was talking about a family member who sounds like an N.  This family member was complaining about how a dog was behaving.  (The dog was being a normal canine.)  Her comment to anyone within hearing:  "This dog is DELIBERATELY making me MAD!"  I couldn't help but think to myself:  (WTF?!?!?)

Bones

[Hopalong]

WoofTF?

(((((Bones))))

Dogs are such good people.

Hops

[BonesMS]

WoofTF?

(((((Bones))))

Dogs are such good people.

Hops

Exactly!!!!  These four-legged babies love UNCONDITIONALLY and only an N would blame them for a human's shortcomings!

Bones

[Guest]

Also, is it just me or do an OVERWHELMING number of N's DESPISE/LOATHE/HATE hearing and being told the word:  "NO" to whatever they want/demand?

Bones

Nope Bones, not just you and yes, they don't like 'no' one little bit. They don't have a real sense of humour either; their humour tends to be malicious. Or 'clever' and not funny. And everything else.

As for saying the dog is doing things deliberatly to annoy them, yeah, and their babies do the same thing, eh? No doubt the whole world organises itself just to get at them...

[BonesMS]

Also, is it just me or do an OVERWHELMING number of N's DESPISE/LOATHE/HATE hearing and being told the word:  "NO" to whatever they want/demand?

Bones

Nope Bones, not just you and yes, they don't like 'no' one little bit. They don't have a real sense of humour either; their humour tends to be malicious. Or 'clever' and not funny. And everything else.

As for saying the dog is doing things deliberatly to annoy them, yeah, and their babies do the same thing, eh? No doubt the whole world organises itself just to get at them...

Oh yeah!!

I remember NWomb-Donor once telling me how she once beat the crap out of my older (then 18-month-old toddler) brother because he fell into a bucket of wallpaper paste.  Her excuse?  "He should have known better!"  (He was still a BABY for God's Sake!)

Bones

[Guest]

Aurrrrrrrrgh Bones. ((((((18-month-old toddler brother))))))
Exactly.

[BonesMS]

Aurrrrrrrrgh Bones. ((((((18-month-old toddler brother))))))
Exactly.

GRRRR!!! That is it exactly!!!  And then there was another N, that I met several years ago, who was STILL B*TCHING about how his then 2-year-old toddler daughter DARED stamp her foot at HIM!!!  (He was still complaining about it nearly FIFTY YEARS LATER!!)  I looked back at him thinking "WTF?!?!?"  (At the time, I didn't realize he was an N.)

Bones