Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[Hopalong]

Hey, ((((((Bones))))...
it's so frustrating when somebody draws a total blank about something that for you has deep meaning.

I'm sorry this is happening.

But what's the event?
Want some imaginary celebrating?

love,
Hops

[BonesMS]

Hey, ((((((Bones))))...
it's so frustrating when somebody draws a total blank about something that for you has deep meaning.

I'm sorry this is happening.

But what's the event?
Want some imaginary celebrating?

love,
Hops

Thanks, Hops!

The event was the closing of the Exhibit at the Smithsonian on Sunday.  I didn't want to go there alone because of the emotionality of having to say "Good Bye Forever" to a fun experience.  He blew it off saying that he chose to stay home and SLEEP and that he would get round to recognizing the event later...maybe next week, next month, whatever.  If it's NOT important to his little D*CK, he can't be F**KING bothered!  F**K THAT!!!!

[BonesMS]

This is just another example of an ongoing pattern and it makes me feel as if I am not worth anyone's time face-to-face.

[BonesMS]

 

[sKePTiKal]

OK Bones - what gives?? I'm up too.

For me, it's a combo of wind that started howling yesterday afternoon + low atmospheric pressure so that my head is all stuff + hacking coughing + too many chocolate raisins after dinner!! (plus I slept 10 hours the day before...)

[BonesMS]

OK Bones - what gives?? I'm up too.

For me, it's a combo of wind that started howling yesterday afternoon + low atmospheric pressure so that my head is all stuff + hacking coughing + too many chocolate raisins after dinner!! (plus I slept 10 hours the day before...)

I've been up since 3:00 AM in the morning and just couldn't go back to sleep.  Now, at about 5:30 AM, I'm starting to feel the urge to go back to bed.  So much on my mind.

Bones

[Hopalong]

Bones...

Your inner artist needs to find new experiences, new outlets.

I really understand your grief over the hyperbolic reef. For you, it was a cathedral.

Do you believe you can in some way find a creative satisfaction in a new way of making art or contributing to beauty and good?

I do. Faith in you. There is a space for you. Many spaces for what you can do.

love,
Hops

[BonesMS]

Bones...

Your inner artist needs to find new experiences, new outlets.

I really understand your grief over the parabolic reef. For you, it was a cathedral.

Do you believe you can in some way find a creative satisfaction in a new way of making art or contributing to beauty and good?

I do. Faith in you. There is a space for you. Many spaces for what you can do.

love,
Hops

Thanks, Hops!

I've created a couple of (small) Hyperbolic Crochet Coral sculptures that I'm putting on exhibit at the Green Man Festival.  (I'm hoping to sell them.)  If there is enough interest, I'll make more artwork to sell.  They're fun to do and it gives me more ideas of what I want to do in that vein albeit on a small scale.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Saw this in today's "Dear Prudence".  This so-called "friend" sounds like an N to me.  With "friends" like that, who needs enemies?

"Dear Prudence,
I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding five years ago, and I gladly accepted. Last year, I got married in a much smaller ceremony and did not ask this friend to be in my wedding. I did call to tell her how much I looked forward to her being there and how much I valued our friendship. Then, the day before the wedding, she called me crying hysterically that she would not be able to make it due to illness. After the wedding, my attempts to get in touch were blown off. Recently I saw that she joined Facebook, and I emailed her in an attempt to reconnect. After a few days she replied, telling me that by not including her in our wedding party I had made it clear that I didn't think much of our friendship. She also told me that she had not been sick but could not bring herself to attend a wedding where she felt she was not wanted, and I must have known that. I didn't, or else I wouldn't have paid for a dinner for her and her husband. She added that after I read all of this, I may not want to reconnect, and she'd understand. I want her to know that I did not know why she chose not to attend and that I think she is being unfair. How should I respond?

—Former Friend of Not a Bridesmaid

Dear Former,
These days, becoming a bridesmaid seems like a good reason to cry hysterically, given the expense and duties young women are expected to shoulder: hosting multiple parties and showers, buying an expensive and hideous dress, "supporting" the bride through a year of planning. However, you seem like a sane and thoughtful bride. Your friend, on the other hand, seems like just the opposite. Think of it, on the day before your wedding, you were supposed to be dealing with her melodrama. Your friend sounds like the bridesmaid's version of Miss Havisham—the pathetic jilted bride in Great Expectations who wears her decaying wedding dress for the rest of her life. Be glad you got out of the friendship before the baby shower meltdown. You can take your former friend's offer and reply, "You're right, let's not reconnect." Silence is another way to get that point across.

—Prudie"

[BonesMS]

 

[Meh]

Wish you would put a photo of your crochet reefs on here.

[BonesMS]

Wish you would put a photo of your crochet reefs on here.

I tried posting JPEGs and kept getting error messages.  The only thing I can suggest is to Google "Hyperbolic Crochet Coral Reef" "Smithsonian".  Something should pop up with that.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Here's one of the links I found:

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/How-to-Crochet-a-Coral-Reef.html

[BonesMS]

Just spotted this in Annie's Mailbox today.  Boy, does it sound PAINFULLY familiar!  I don't think the advice columnists understand what it means when you deal with Narcissists and Enabling Co-Narcissists!


"Dear Annie: When I was 5, I had to live with my dad and my stepmother, "Joann," who was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive. After 12 years, I left to live with my biological mom.

My relationship with Joann has been tenuous at best. She didn't bother to attend my high school or college graduations. When I married, she not only refused to come, but tried to keep my father away, as well. The two of them have been absentee grandparents to my sons, their only grandchildren, who are now 15 and 20.

Joann decided to retire early, which meant they wanted money from my siblings and me every month.
My husband said absolutely not. Since then they have quit calling, and I haven't spoken to them in eight months. She recently told my brother that I called and yelled at her, which is completely untrue.

I've had a couple of minor health scares recently. I'm tired of trying to please these two utterly self-centered people. I do not feel like extending the "olive branch" yet again, but part of me feels guilty because they are getting older. What would you do? — Fed Up with Family

Dear Fed Up: Extending an olive branch doesn't mean handing out cash. If the only thing your father values in this relationship is money, we don't see the point. Since you apparently still want some type of contact with your father, however, we recommend you take the finances off the table. Call Dad if you like. Send chatty letters and e-mails with updated family news, and expect nothing in return. You will be an attentive daughter and will have no reason to feel guilty. "

[BonesMS]

This was in today's "Dear Abby".  Boy, does it sound FAMILIAR!!!!!  It reminds me of my FOO who attempted to control every minutia of my life as if I were the "family slave".  In a sense, it made me glad I never had children to be exposed to this toxicity.

====================================================

"TWIN WHO BULLIED AS A CHILD BECOMES CONTROLLING AS ADULT

DEAR ABBY: My fraternal twin, "Marla," was always difficult. When we were kids she was physically and emotionally abusive. She stopped hitting me only after I outgrew her in high school, but she continues to try to control me.

When I started dating my wife, "Gloria," Marla would tell me Gloria wasn't good enough for me. At first, it gave me serious doubts about the woman who is the love of my life. We're now expecting our first child -- a daughter -- and Marla has been offering parenting advice that goes against what Gloria and I feel about child-rearing. When I politely decline her advice, Marla accuses me of being "selfish" for not appreciating it.

A parenting book was delivered anonymously to our home. It took me a few days to remember that Marla had mentioned it. Five days later she sent me an angry email because I hadn't thanked her for it.

Spats like this usually result in our not speaking for months. I harbor no ill will toward my sister and often don't know why we're fighting. She seems to thrive on the drama she creates with these artificial rifts.

I want my daughter exposed to healthy adult relationships, not abusive ones. How do I tell my twin I love her, but she must stop trying to control me and create conflict where none exists? I don't want to have to cut her out of my life. -- SOON-TO-BE-DAD

DEAR SOON-TO-BE-DAD: The patterns of a lifetime won't change without work on both your parts. Tell your twin that if she wants to be a part of your life -- and your daughter's -- some radical changes will be necessary. Offer to join her in family therapy. If she agrees, recognize that change won't be easy for her. If she refuses, do what you must to protect your child from her controlling and manipulative behavior."