Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[Hopalong]

Aww, hon.
I'm so sorry she was so ill. She really was sick with meanness, cruelty, and had no sense of how much words could hurt a child. I guess somebody taught her that you could just drill cruel remarks into a kid like invisible bullets.

You should be so proud that you've pulled out those bullets one at a time and thrown them away. It still aches sometimes, I am sure.

Yesterday morning I woke up and got sad, cried. I tried some prayer and that helped a little. Then a funny thing...I started rubbing myself really lovingly on my upper arm, a little like a self-hug, and talking to myself as though I was a loving gentle Mother, treating myself like "somebody" -- with great kindness.. Saying to myself out loud while stroking my arm, "You're okay, honey. You're all right." Saying it in real sincerity, in a really loving way.

Giving myself, directly, the affection and kindness my mother couldn't.

At first it made me cry more but in just a little while, I found my heart eased up so much. And my whole day went better.

Have you tried doing that with my friend Bones?
I would love to hear you being so loving to the little girl in you.

xo
Hops

[BonesMS]

Aww, hon.
I'm so sorry she was so ill. She really was sick with meanness, cruelty, and had no sense of how much words could hurt a child. I guess somebody taught her that you could just drill cruel remarks into a kid like invisible bullets.

You should be so proud that you've pulled out those bullets one at a time and thrown them away. It still aches sometimes, I am sure.

Yesterday morning I woke up and got sad, cried. I tried some prayer and that helped a little. Then a funny thing...I started rubbing myself really lovingly on my upper arm, a little like a self-hug, and talking to myself as though I was a loving gentle Mother, treating myself like "somebody" -- with great kindness.. Saying to myself out loud while stroking my arm, "You're okay, honey. You're all right." Saying it in real sincerity, in a really loving way.

Giving myself, directly, the affection and kindness my mother couldn't.

At first it made me cry more but in just a little while, I found my heart eased up so much. And my whole day went better.

Have you tried doing that with my friend Bones?
I would love to hear you being so loving to the little girl in you.

xo
Hops

Thanks, Hops.

Right now, I just feel numb.  It's hard to know what to feel.

Bones

[BonesMS]

 

[BonesMS]

This mother-in-law sounds like a Narcissist!  What do you think?

http://www.creators.com/advice/dear-margo/when-quot-shush-mother-quot-doesn-t-work.html

[BonesMS]

Feeling numbed out and just going through the motions this weekend.

[BonesMS]

I hate the reminders of today.   

[Hopalong]

let's mother each other, hon...

here's a big gentle loving hug, arms wrapped tight around you, holding you close and telling you, "I am so glad my Bones is in this world, I love you so much and I'll protect you and care for you, and Bones you are good, and brave, and beautiful"

Now. YOU open your heart and YOU give Bones that hug, and you rock from side to side...and you tell yourself those things, because YOU are just loving with the warmest, gentlest, kindest heart, that little girl in you. You are doing it right NOW. You won't be numb any more.

Do it every day. Don't think about whether it's silly.

love,
Hops

[BonesMS]

let's mother each other, hon...

here's a big gentle loving hug, arms wrapped tight around you, holding you close and telling you, "I am so glad my Bones is in this world, I love you so much and I'll protect you and care for you, and Bones you are good, and brave, and beautiful"

Now. YOU open your heart and YOU give Bones that hug, and you rock from side to side...and you tell yourself those things, because YOU are just loving with the warmest, gentlest, kindest heart, that little girl in you. You are doing it right NOW. You won't be numb any more.

Do it every day. Don't think about whether it's silly.

love,
Hops

Thanks, (((((((((((((((((((Hops))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones

[BonesMS]

 

[BonesMS]

Not sure what to feel today.   

[BonesMS]

Just checking in.   

[BonesMS]

Watched Dr. Phil yesterday afternoon where the theme of the show was "Forgiving the Unforgivable".  One of the families featured has issues similar to what I dealt with growing up....a self-centered, self-absorbed NWomb-Donor, a pedophile stepfather and two siblings who were sexually abused all through childhood.  The NWomb-Donor kept trying to act as if SHE were the victim and that her children should just get over it and stop being evil to her.  (She had even FORCED her children to apologize to their abuser because he had been convicted and sent to prison for sexually abusing them!)   

I was SHOUTING at that bitch on TV and calling her every name you can imagine!!!  She NEVER deserved the title of "mother" given she couldn't be bothered to protect her own children.  She even has the NERVE to demand unsupervised access to her grandchildren and can't understand why BOTH of her children have responded with:  "HELL NO!"

DAMN!!!!!

[BonesMS]

 

[Twoapenny]

Watched Dr. Phil yesterday afternoon where the theme of the show was "Forgiving the Unforgivable".  One of the families featured has issues similar to what I dealt with growing up....a self-centered, self-absorbed NWomb-Donor, a pedophile stepfather and two siblings who were sexually abused all through childhood.  The NWomb-Donor kept trying to act as if SHE were the victim and that her children should just get over it and stop being evil to her.  (She had even FORCED her children to apologize to their abuser because he had been convicted and sent to prison for sexually abusing them!)   

I was SHOUTING at that bitch on TV and calling her every name you can imagine!!!  She NEVER deserved the title of "mother" given she couldn't be bothered to protect her own children.  She even has the NERVE to demand unsupervised access to her grandchildren and can't understand why BOTH of her children have responded with:  "HELL NO!"

DAMN!!!!!

Sounds like my mum!  The level of denial is quite amazing.  Even with clear evidence they still deny or blame others.  My sister once denied doing something even though I was showing her the doctor's record that was written all about it.  She claimed the doctor made it up.  I'm not suprised you were shouting Bonesie, you're very brave to even watch, I find I can't watch anything about abuse any more, it's just too near the mark, although I find I can read about it okay, don't know why?  Hope you are doing okay xxxxx

[BonesMS]

Watched Dr. Phil yesterday afternoon where the theme of the show was "Forgiving the Unforgivable".  One of the families featured has issues similar to what I dealt with growing up....a self-centered, self-absorbed NWomb-Donor, a pedophile stepfather and two siblings who were sexually abused all through childhood.  The NWomb-Donor kept trying to act as if SHE were the victim and that her children should just get over it and stop being evil to her.  (She had even FORCED her children to apologize to their abuser because he had been convicted and sent to prison for sexually abusing them!)   

I was SHOUTING at that bitch on TV and calling her every name you can imagine!!!  She NEVER deserved the title of "mother" given she couldn't be bothered to protect her own children.  She even has the NERVE to demand unsupervised access to her grandchildren and can't understand why BOTH of her children have responded with:  "HELL NO!"

DAMN!!!!!

Sounds like my mum!  The level of denial is quite amazing.  Even with clear evidence they still deny or blame others.  My sister once denied doing something even though I was showing her the doctor's record that was written all about it.  She claimed the doctor made it up.  I'm not suprised you were shouting Bonesie, you're very brave to even watch, I find I can't watch anything about abuse any more, it's just too near the mark, although I find I can read about it okay, don't know why?  Hope you are doing okay xxxxx

Thanks, (((((((((((((((((TwoAPenny)))))))))))))))))))))

I'm trying to hang in there the best I can.

You are so right!!!  The level of denial I have been observing is quite amazing!

Bones