Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Neighbors #1 and #2 have been quiet thus far.  I'm still waiting to receive an official communication from the HOA to settle this week's issue.

[Guest]

Quiet may be good Bones.

Neighbour sorted the stinky bag problem. Result.

[BonesMS]

Quiet may be good Bones.

Neighbour sorted the stinky bag problem. Result.

Thanks, Guest!

I'm hoping that either the HOA Board and/or property management contacted Neighbor #2 and told her to BACK OFF!

[BonesMS]

 

[BonesMS]

Had a long, exhausting, but productive day yesterday.  Still have more work to do.

[BonesMS]

Got a busy week ahead of me along with following up on the drama, from last week, with other building captains as I have recently learned that I'm not the only building captain who has had to deal with a difficult neighbor attempting to do the same thing!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Just checking in.

[BonesMS]

If I understand the HOA Board correctly, they are going to send a notice to everyone in my building regarding the situation that had been previously discussed.  So far, things have been quiet with Neighbor #2 regarding her "plans" for the building.

Well, the other shoe dropped for Neighbor #2!  She approached me, today, asking for the cash to reimburse her for the contractor she wants to hire.  I explained that she cannot do that as property management already has this work on their "To-Do" list, which is what we are paying them for with our condo fees.

Her response?  "But I've already collected cash from the other neighbors!"

Me:  "Give it back!  You can't hire a private contractor to do the work that we are already paying property management to do!"

Her response:  "But we did it before!"

Me:  "That was when we had a different property management who didn't give a damn except take our money and do nothing!  Things have changed!  The company we have now is handling the maintenance of the common areas, which is what our condo fees are paying for!"

Her response:  "Well, since you're the Building Captain, you should have kept ME informed about what property management is doing!"

Me:  Have you been reading the e-mail blasts that property management has been sending to ALL the residents about what they are doing, etc.?

Her response:  "I don't go on e-mail that much!  As Building Captain, YOU should be informing ME!"

Me:  (YELLING!)  "ALL RIGHT!  I'LL HANDLE IT!!!  I GOTTA GO!!!"

Her response:  "I'm sorry!  I'm sorry!  I can be co-captain to help you!"

Me:  There's already a co-captain!  That position is filled!  It's been posted on the bulletin board in our building for MONTHS!

Her response:  "Huh?!?!?!?!?  When did that happen?"

By this point, I'm walking away in disgust!  It appears she can't be bothered to read ANYTHING nor can she be bothered to attend HOA meetings so she'll be on the same page as everyone else!  SHEESH!!!!!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Met with the Committee of Building Captains this evening and shared with them what happened today.  Their response was that it is NOT my responsibility to keep this one neighbor informed of everything that the HOA and property management is doing.  It is that neighbor's responsibility to:  (a) attend HOA meetings and (b) read the e-mail blasts and newsletters when she receives them.  Otherwise I would be doing EVERYTHING FOR this one person while she takes no responsibility!

If anything, the HOA Board needs to follow up with a letter to everyone in my building explaining why it is not allowed for individual residents to hire private contractors to take care of the common areas when our condo fees are paying for the same services.

Nothing is so simple anymore!   

Bones

[BonesMS]

Checking in this morning.

Have to go back to the dentist for a bone graft at the implant site.   

[BonesMS]

I spotted the following in Annie's Mailbox, (July 13, 2011), and it raised a LOT of RED FLAGS, both as a former client of a mental health professional as well as a former counselor-trainee.  When I studied ethics in graduate school, and had to write a research paper on the various Codes of Ethics of various professions, this ONE concept always stood out:  "Once a client, ALWAYS a client!"  There is NO two year waiting period!  What was CRYSTAL CLEAR, to me, was that mental health professionals do NOT have sex with their clients NOR do they have sex with the parents/family members of their clients ESPECIALLY IF THE THERAPIST IS ALREADY MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE!  Mental health clients and family members of mental health clients are VULNERABLE and the mental health professional is in a position of POWER!  This power differential does NOT justify sex between the professional and clients/clients' family members!  To me, it is the equivalent of a therapist committing rape!  For any mental health therapist to bad-mouth his wife to his clients is UNHEALTHY self-disclosure and WA-A-AY INAPPROPRIATE, especially if it's a prelude to start up another illicit affair on his part!!!!!!!

What was sadder was to read the comments below this letter and saw how many did NOT understand the Codes of Ethics of mental health professionals nor the consequences that professional associations and state licensing boards can impose!  It's SCARY!!!!!!!!!

Dr. G.....any comments?

Thanks!

==================================================================================

"Dear Annie: This is a cautionary tale. I was seeing a psychotherapist (let's call him "Tim") to overcome a bad phase — I was in a loveless marriage and became involved with a womanizer. During therapy, I fell in love with Tim, a married man who occasionally badmouthed his wife in front of me.

Tim told me he could not ethically date anyone until two years after her last appointment. The fact that he was married didn't seem to matter. Because I loved him, I stopped treatment so the two-year waiting period could begin. We grew closer, but were not intimate. I felt sorry for his wife because she was suffering from a grave illness and had undergone surgery. I actually told him to treat her better.

Many months later, Tim's wife divorced him. He'd been unfaithful with three other women, one of whom was the mother of a child he was counseling. I feel like such a fool. I was heartbroken to realize that my trusted counselor was himself a womanizer.
We are, of course, no longer in touch. I just want to let your readers know these things happen. — No Name, No City in USA

Dear No Name: Every profession has its bad apples. Most therapists are ethical and upstanding, and it is not uncommon for individuals to fall in love ("transference") during treatment. But it is unconscionable for a therapist to take advantage of a client who is already in a vulnerable state. If Tim hasn't been reported to his local licensing board or the American Psychotherapy Association, he should be. "

[BonesMS]

After coming back from the dentist, I sent a follow-up e-mail to the HOA Board and property management asking them to please send something official to everyone in my building to address this issue once and for all.  I really don't need the headache of a self-serving neighbor making unilateral decisions and attempting to strong-arm cash out of everyone else in the building to suit her ego!  ICK!!!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Woke up at 3:30 in the morning and can't get back to sleep.   

[BonesMS]

Sleep-wake cycle is still screwed up.  Then idiot moronic bf wakes me up EARLY with a phone call to tell me that after SEVERAL WEEKS of "I dunno", he decides he can't be bothered with a social engagement that is scheduled for tomorrow!     Then he has the nerve to ask me if a coupon I have is still available for HIS use!  I told Idiot that I already had to use it because it was going to expire THIS WEEK!  Screw him!

Regarding the drama with Neighbor #2, the HOA Board FINALLY issued an official memo to everyone in my building explaining that the cash collecting for a private contractor is NOT permitted and WHY it's not permitted.  I'm hoping this drama can now fade away so I can deal with other stuff.

Urgh!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Stitches accidentally broke.  Gotta call the dentist.  ICK!