Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Occasionally, I'll see some mention and/or discussion in advice columns about dealing with NPD.  At the same time, it feels like the only ones who REALLY understand what it is like to deal with a N is US SURVIVORS here on this Board!

[BonesMS]

Some days, does it feel like no one understands your situation and why you have gone NC?

[Guest]

Hey Bones, I understand it, you understand it, VESMB members understand it. That's enough for me. Others, that's their problem eh? And their problems may, or may not, or may sometimes, be within our influence, if we wish. Oh that sounds a complicated sentence.

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Guest.

I'm just feeling in a very bad mood today.  Probably because of the heat and air quality sucking the energy out of me.  All of the old tapes are playing full blast and it's also hitting me that if I have another medical emergency, I really have no one to depend on.  They've all said:  "Call me if you need help."  But when I landed in the Emergency Room back in April 2010, and I attempted to contact each one of them....NONE were available because they were either "too busy", or the E.R. staff got only their voice mail and no return call, or simply no response at all.

Then the old tapes play louder and I blame myself.   

[Guest]

I know about the old tapes, Bones. Sorry that you blame yourself. I hope that this lessens. It can do. I have fragments of old tapes playing sometimes. They get a lot more muffled and irrelevant as time goes on (like someone else is playing them? if that makes sense!). (((((Bones)))))

[BonesMS]

I know about the old tapes, Bones. Sorry that you blame yourself. I hope that this lessens. It can do. I have fragments of old tapes playing sometimes. They get a lot more muffled and irrelevant as time goes on (like someone else is playing them? if that makes sense!). (((((Bones)))))

Thanks, ((((((((((((((((Guest))))))))))))))))))))

[BonesMS]

Another doctor appointment this morning.........

[Hopalong]

Good luck at the doctor, Bones!.

And thank you for this, I enjoyed the Ali story:

A famous, though certainly appealing, narcissist was Mohammed Ali. Once, before a plane he was on took off, the flight attendant told him to fasten his seatbelt. His answer was, "Superman don't need no seat belt." The wonderful response was: "Superman don't need no airplane, either." He laughed and did as he was told.

I can just imagine, well I always did see, his charm.

And there's the rub. Narcissists can be loveable, even in the middle of their self-absorption.
I think the charm is one of the hardest things to sort out.

Hops

[BonesMS]

Good luck at the doctor, Bones!.

And thank you for this, I enjoyed the Ali story:

A famous, though certainly appealing, narcissist was Mohammed Ali. Once, before a plane he was on took off, the flight attendant told him to fasten his seatbelt. His answer was, "Superman don't need no seat belt." The wonderful response was: "Superman don't need no airplane, either." He laughed and did as he was told.

I can just imagine, well I always did see, his charm.

And there's the rub. Narcissists can be loveable, even in the middle of their self-absorption.
I think the charm is one of the hardest things to sort out.

Hops

You're welcome, Hops!

True that!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Just got home from the doctor's a little while ago.  The good news...my asthma is still stable.  The bad news...while I was waiting for my appointment, there were a group of elementary-school age children in the hospital hallway acting as if the place was a playground!!!  The noise level was horrendous!!!!  To make matters worse, there is a sleep-study lab on one side of the hallway and a pulmonary function lab on the other side of the hall and there was no where to get away from the noise!!!  (One staff person fled the area to get away from this chaos!)  I could hear the racket through the walls inside the doctor's inner office with the door shut!!!!!     Where was the parent?  Elsewhere and she wasn't even a patient herself!!!!!  DAMN!

Bones

[BonesMS]

 

[BonesMS]

This appeared in "Dear Abby" on Wednesday, July 27, 2011.

What are your thoughts?  What would you do if confronted with a similar situation?

Is this mean person an N?

===================================================================================


DEAR ABBY: There's a venomous old woman who roams through our neighborhood looking for victims to embarrass, humiliate or annoy. She told a neighbor's 11-year-old granddaughter she looked like a slut because she was wearing shorts currently in fashion for the young. She habitually cuts in front of people in line at the supermarket, puts 25 items on the 15-item service line, etc.

A new neighbor thought she should be treated with a little kindness. She had her opportunity recently when we were out to breakfast at a restaurant. The harridan sat alone (her husband refuses to be seen in public with her), and my friend commented to her on the beautiful day. Her response? "Don't waste my time with meaningless inanities!" She then proceeded to abuse the server by repeatedly sending her plate back, each time becoming more unpleasant. The girl ended up in tears.

At that point, my friend walked over and said quietly, "I hope you don't think your advanced age justifies your meanness." The witch accused my friend of "slandering" her and left vowing never to return. This elicited a round of applause from the customers and staff.

Why do some people go through life behaving so outrageously? How can she derive satisfaction from being so hateful? -- PUZZLED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR PUZZLED: Ruling out the idea that the person you have described may be mentally disturbed, it's possible she may be so unhappy in her personal life that she's trying to make herself feel better by abusing others. She's a sad case. I'd like to think that when the other diners applauded, it was directed in support of your friend rather than at the disagreeable woman as she left the restaurant.

[sKePTiKal]

Hey Bones... people can act like flaming Ns (and do) without truly being one.

IMO, this lady sounds like she's very afraid, hurt, isolated and paranoid that people will always think the worst of her... so she's become defensive, in a very aggressive fashion. Chances are, she isolated herself and doesn't even realize that she's created her own misery. Confused, she's like a dog that's been tortured and abused - she bites first and asks questions later. That's how she now relates to the world she's in... sad, isn't it?

My mom can be like that sometimes.... when she's not full-on in victim-martyr mode. Talk about wanting to become invisible! (me that is) She was even evil to the doctors and nurses who brought her back from the brink of kidney failure/death. Makes one wonder what is so frightening and threatening about being a nice and reasonable person, doesn't it?

Did you ever decide on a new art project yet? I'm about to have company next week - 3 artists - and I'm rather looking forward to some silly, wild & crazy ideas and expressive free-for-all. It'll be a great antidote to all the financial crap I've been focussed on for a few months now.

[BonesMS]

Hey Bones... people can act like flaming Ns (and do) without truly being one.

IMO, this lady sounds like she's very afraid, hurt, isolated and paranoid that people will always think the worst of her... so she's become defensive, in a very aggressive fashion. Chances are, she isolated herself and doesn't even realize that she's created her own misery. Confused, she's like a dog that's been tortured and abused - she bites first and asks questions later. That's how she now relates to the world she's in... sad, isn't it?

My mom can be like that sometimes.... when she's not full-on in victim-martyr mode. Talk about wanting to become invisible! (me that is) She was even evil to the doctors and nurses who brought her back from the brink of kidney failure/death. Makes one wonder what is so frightening and threatening about being a nice and reasonable person, doesn't it?

Did you ever decide on a new art project yet? I'm about to have company next week - 3 artists - and I'm rather looking forward to some silly, wild & crazy ideas and expressive free-for-all. It'll be a great antidote to all the financial crap I've been focussed on for a few months now.

Thanks, P.R.  That's a lot to think about.

I haven't decided on a new art project yet.  I've been dealing with other community issues and haven't had the time or energy to be creative.  For now, I guess I have to wait and see what develops.

[Guest]

Bones

For now, I guess I have to wait and see what develops.

when in doubt, do nothing. Often a very good strategy. Unless being chased by hungry lion. Doesn't happen that often in this here neighbourhood