Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Informed the N-Supply that this crap will be dealt with on MY terms and NOT at the dictates of the N!

Let's see how the N reacts to that piece of news.

[BonesMS]

Spotted this in today's Annie's Mailbox.  Sure sounds like this Neighbor is an N to me!!!  Sheesh!  She sounds a LOT like the NDoofus who used to turn up at my door, uninvited, while ANNOUNCING what SHE'S GOING TO DO whether I give permission or not!   


Dear Annie: I once invited my 60-year-old next-door neighbor to swim in our pool. She then informed me that she would come over daily after dinner and didn't plan to phone first. As she put it, "It's not convenient to call every day."

I tried to tell her politely that the pool is visible from our living room and it is not appropriate for her to use it without our knowledge. We are concerned with our privacy and her safety, not to mention our liability should anything happen to her.
She was furious and stopped speaking to me.

I thought it was common sense and established social decorum that one should not swim in a neighbor's pool without an invitation. Am I correct? How do I mend our relationship? — Confused Pool Owner

Dear Confused: You are correct. Your neighbor doesn't understand boundaries and has limited social acumen. She also has a short fuse. We don't know why you want to mend fences with someone who apparently only values you for your swim facilities. If you apologize for upsetting her, she will expect to have complete access to the pool again. The best you can do is smile and say hello when you see her, and hope for the best.

[BonesMS]

Been awake since 1:30 in the morning and can't get back to sleep again......

[BonesMS]

I don't think the Annie's get it!   



Dear Annie: I am married to a wonderful man with a teenage son from a previous marriage. I love them both dearly. We now have two toddlers and a baby on the way.

The problem is my mother-in-law. She left my father-in-law several years ago for a more exciting life (which has failed miserably). Mom maintains a close relationship with my hubby's ex, which is fine. However, she insists on inviting us to the same family functions. The first time she did it, we told her it makes us uncomfortable, and she had a temper tantrum and asked us to leave.

Our relationship with her is rocky at best. She often invites the ex to family functions at her home instead of us, and then complains to others that she doesn't see our children enough. Of course, if anyone mentions my father-in-law, she bristles and says something derogatory.

She is welcome to maintain her ties to her first daughter-in-law. But when she specifically chooses the ex's company over ours, she forfeits that time with our children and distances herself further from our family. We don't hate the ex. We just don't care to share every family barbecue with her.

We have very close relationships with my own parents, as well as my father-in-law, which provide lots of quality grandparent time. Are we wrong in not being more accepting of Mom's behavior? We've tried talking with her about it, but she's never been wrong in her life. What do we do? — Daughter-in-Law in Wyoming

Dear Wyoming: Since the ex is your stepson's mother, it's best if you can coexist. But if Mom chooses to invite the ex-daughter-in-law instead of her son and his family, that is her choice and she must deal with the consequences. If you want to have a closer relationship, invite her to your place.

[Guest]

I think in the circumstances Bones, Annie's advice is pretty good.

I have no idea how the letter was edited, but I got several red flags from the DIL's language.

Reading it, I'm not sure I'd invite DIL to my place any time soon!


The swimming pool lady was a classic though. I enjoyed that.

[BonesMS]

I think in the circumstances Bones, Annie's advice is pretty good.

I have no idea how the letter was edited, but I got several red flags from the DIL's language.

Reading it, I'm not sure I'd invite DIL to my place any time soon!


The swimming pool lady was a classic though. I enjoyed that.

Morning, Freshwater.

Being a regular reader, I've learned that there are usually information being left out for lack of space.  The sentence that caught my eye, regarding the MIL was:  "She is never wrong."  To me, THAT was a RED FLAG that the family is dealing with an N, especially given that she threw a tantrum because someone DARED disagree with her.  The pattern I've seen, ever since these two took over from the late Ann Landers, is that they don't understand NPD.

You're right about the swimming pool lady.  She was something else!  It just felt creepy knowing that there are others out there JUST LIKE HER!

Bones

[Guest]

Yo, Bones.

I agree about the 'never wrong', certainly. I wonder if Son though has married someone (again?) a little like Mom. I mean, exactly *what* is DIL's real problem here? I think maybe she spends too much time thinking about (and dissing) MIL. They could be peas in a pod.

I don't know this column but the advice re: swimming pool woman seemed good!

[BonesMS]

Yo, Bones.

I agree about the 'never wrong', certainly. I wonder if Son though has married someone (again?) a little like Mom. I mean, exactly *what* is DIL's real problem here? I think maybe she spends too much time thinking about (and dissing) MIL. They could be peas in a pod.

I don't know this column but the advice re: swimming pool woman seemed good!

The DIL commented about "we" meaning her and hubby and MIL threw a tantrum.  Unfortunately, I am well acquainted with a MIL like that who DOES throw tantrums every time anyone DARES to disagree with her!  So I empathize with the DIL.  I've watched this crazy bat destroy the marriages of both of her children because she was constantly dictating, interfering, and throwing tantrums at all of them!  She's thrown a tantrum or two in my direction because I refused to side with her against the in-laws.  The most outrageous example was when her then-son-in-law underwent a vasectomy after having more than one child, the economy tanked, and the young parents were struggling to support the children they already had.  Crazy bat threw an absolute SH*T-FIT that her son-in-law DARED to get a vasectomy WITHOUT HER PERMISSION because SHE'S ENTITLED to as many grandchildren as SHE wants!!!!     She got pissed at me when she attempted to recruit me to side with her against him.  I commented that her nose ENDS where their marriage begins and that the decision regarding how many children they can support is STRICTLY between husband and wife, NOT husband, wife, and wife's mommy!  If she's not willing to pay money to help support the children, then she needs to back off, butt out, and shut up!  Her daughter and son-in-law are NOT her private baby factory to be owned and used at her whim!

Sheesh!!!   

[BonesMS]

Today is the 10th Anniversary.

[Guest]

It is, Bones.

[BonesMS]

It is, Bones.

Thanks.

I just got home from a CERT Disaster Drill.  At the end of the exercise, we were all given lanyards that has pictures of various First Responders who lost their lives that day.  We will never forget.

[BonesMS]

During today's Disaster Drill exercise, I was reminded of a prior experience a few months ago with another Drill.  I encountered an example of Idiocy that I will NEVER understand!

During this Drill, on a very HOT and HUMID summer day, the group that had organized the Drill was handing out bottled water because it is critical to remain hydrated, ESPECIALLY if the Disaster is REAL.  One of the volunteers started whining that the bottled water wasn't cold enough to suit him!     I commented that if we were responding to a REAL Disaster...the aftermath of a Hurricane, Tornado, or Earthquake, where the electricity has been knocked out, there will be NO refrigeration!  It is still critically important to maintain hydration, especially when it's HOT and HUMID like it was that particular day!

His response?  "Well, if it's NOT refrigerated, I WON'T drink it!"

My response?  "If you want to be a nominee for the Darwin Award, be my guest!"   

Bones

[BonesMS]

Checking in,,,,,,,,,

[Guest]

"If you want to be a nominee for the Darwin Award, be my guest!"

Nice one, Bones!

[BonesMS]

"If you want to be a nominee for the Darwin Award, be my guest!"

Nice one, Bones!

LOL!

Thanks, Freshwater!