Author Topic: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?  (Read 1304995 times)

Redhead Erin

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 234
  • "I used to be disgusted; now I try to stay amused"
    • My site about my carriage horses
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2820 on: October 22, 2011, 02:49:00 AM »
Stumbled across this old column while looking for today's advice columns:

http://www.creators.com/advice/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/turd-wheel-starts-here.html

"Sue" and her mother are a total trip!   :shock:

This person has got to be related to my mother. Same exact tactics, except for the nomadic lifestyle. 

Where is their damn school?  I'd like to bomb it.

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2821 on: October 22, 2011, 11:48:29 AM »
Stumbled across this old column while looking for today's advice columns:

http://www.creators.com/advice/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/turd-wheel-starts-here.html

"Sue" and her mother are a total trip!   :shock:

This person has got to be related to my mother. Same exact tactics, except for the nomadic lifestyle. 

Where is their damn school?  I'd like to bomb it.

LOL!!!  I hear ya!!!!!  These N's are all one crazy mind-trip!!!!!

Bones
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2822 on: October 22, 2011, 04:00:56 PM »
Change is scary.

Will talk about it later.

Bones
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2823 on: October 23, 2011, 06:19:13 AM »
When I was alluding to scary change, I was referring to changing banks after dealing with one financial institution for nearly 50 years and all of their name changes.  Mega-National Bank has FINALLY plucked my last nerve and I knew it was time to pack up and leave.  It's been a headache dealing with all of the little details and, at the same time, I know that continuing to bend over and be financially screwed with all kinds of stupid fees for no reason is an even BIGGER headache that I do NOT need!

Bones
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5440
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2824 on: October 23, 2011, 10:06:16 AM »
Well, Bones... banks are a business just like a hardware store. They've got to make money somehow or just close their doors. And even the smaller banks charge fees... as much as or even higher than the big banks.

I'm frustrated and mad, too. But the banks are only trying to survive - just like we are - in the face of ever-changing "rules" and demands and re-inventing of the definition of what a business is. Sure, they've got a lot of money... but when a bank is forced to buy another one that is in danger of going of out of business because of bad debts (some actually tried to say NO but were forced into the deals anyway)... and at the same time, forced to hold back X amount of dollars in reserve to cover those debts, plus their own operating expenses - and being held accountable for those bad loans they were forced to assume responsibility for - they are in exactly the same situation as the average householder: trying to make do within that budget and come out enough ahead that they can absorb the unexpected events of life.

I can't blame the banks for trying to survive under contradicatory, ever-changing and gaslighting circumstances. Sure it's rough on us - the customers. None of this fair, in my opinion. And much of it is even unnecessary. And it's only creating a bigger mess that will take longer - maybe past my lifetime - to sort out.

I really don't know what the answer is, either. I wish I did - I'd be jumping up & down on someone's desk, yelling, until they heard me. I'm having my own issues - but I remember what was done & said in current events of the last 3 years or so - and I don't think the banks are to blame.

That said - you have to look out for your own welfare in this kind of environment (no one is going to do this for you) and if you can find a better situation that suits you better... well, it's business. When you are getting a better deal somewhere else, shake hands, say you're sorry - it's nothing personal - it's just business and keep your fingers crossed that there's not some "gotcha" hidden within the new deal.

Good Luck!
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2825 on: October 23, 2011, 10:24:55 AM »
Well, Bones... banks are a business just like a hardware store. They've got to make money somehow or just close their doors. And even the smaller banks charge fees... as much as or even higher than the big banks.

I'm frustrated and mad, too. But the banks are only trying to survive - just like we are - in the face of ever-changing "rules" and demands and re-inventing of the definition of what a business is. Sure, they've got a lot of money... but when a bank is forced to buy another one that is in danger of going of out of business because of bad debts (some actually tried to say NO but were forced into the deals anyway)... and at the same time, forced to hold back X amount of dollars in reserve to cover those debts, plus their own operating expenses - and being held accountable for those bad loans they were forced to assume responsibility for - they are in exactly the same situation as the average householder: trying to make do within that budget and come out enough ahead that they can absorb the unexpected events of life.

I can't blame the banks for trying to survive under contradicatory, ever-changing and gaslighting circumstances. Sure it's rough on us - the customers. None of this fair, in my opinion. And much of it is even unnecessary. And it's only creating a bigger mess that will take longer - maybe past my lifetime - to sort out.

I really don't know what the answer is, either. I wish I did - I'd be jumping up & down on someone's desk, yelling, until they heard me. I'm having my own issues - but I remember what was done & said in current events of the last 3 years or so - and I don't think the banks are to blame.

That said - you have to look out for your own welfare in this kind of environment (no one is going to do this for you) and if you can find a better situation that suits you better... well, it's business. When you are getting a better deal somewhere else, shake hands, say you're sorry - it's nothing personal - it's just business and keep your fingers crossed that there's not some "gotcha" hidden within the new deal.

Good Luck!

Well, THIS particular bank is already making HUGE profits hand over fist, have NOT paid back the government bail-out money they received, (your and my tax money), and have gone public with:  "We have a right to make a profit" and claiming that they are "too big to fail"!  They have been raking in these HUGE profits before they announced the debit card fee crap! 

Being a retiree, I can't afford being dinged with fees anymore!  Especially when the attitude I was getting was:  "You're not rich enough to suit us so we're going to snatch more of your money because our greed comes first!"  What started me seriously thinking about changing banks was when they screwed up my deposit about a year ago.  I had gotten a check and some cash from a friend to pay some of my medical bills.  Whenever I stand in a line at the bank, with that kind of deposit in my hands, I tend to count it repeatedly just to have something to do with my hands and not get too restless.  (In the Aspie Community, it could be called stimming.)  I counted a $10.00 bill, two $5.00 bills, and five $1.00 bills, for a total of $25.00 cash, several times over while standing in line.  I gave that deposit to the teller and got a receipt for the total amount of what I deposited that day.

Later, I got a phone call accusing me of not giving ANY cash and that cash amount DISAPPEARED from my bank account!!!!  I went back to the bank, with my receipt in hand, and argued with that teller and she attempted to insinuate that I was old and stupid and didn't know what I was doing as well as hinted at my trying to rip her off!  It took me TWO FULL MONTHS to get MY MONEY BACK and straighten out my ability to pay my medical bills!!!!!   :evil:  THOSE IDIOTS NEVER APOLOGIZED FOR SCREWING UP MY FINANCES!!!!

Bank being a business trying to survive?!?!?!?!?  MY A$$!!!!!!   :twisted:
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2826 on: October 24, 2011, 06:46:47 AM »
Did something that I have not been able to do for a long while due to finances.  I had the chance to enjoy a massage.  There's a student, who lives near me, who is attending massage school and has reached the stage in her education where she needs to earn practice hours.  (She's scheduled to graduate in February.)  I met her at the Farmer's Market a few weeks ago where she and another student had a booth set up and they were providing chair massages to anyone who wanted them.

The chair massage is relaxing but is limited.  A tabletop, full-body massage can do more, especially if you have muscle problems.  Essentially, this student and I were making an exchange of a sort.....I receive a therapeutic massage and she receives an hour toward earned experience for her graduation and eventual licensure.

I must say, she's GOOD!  I alerted her to the various medical issues that I live with and that I tend to suffer muscle spasms ALOT that can be crippling while they are going on.  During the massage, we were able to identify specific trouble-spots and she worked on them.  By the time she was done, and for the rest of the day, I felt so RELAXED!!!!!  I was able to fall asleep at 9:00 PM and woke up at 6:00 AM feeling like I HAD ACTUALLY SLEPT RESTFULLY for the FIRST TIME IN YEARS!!  This morning, I experienced only ONE short-lived muscle spasm in a spot the size of a quarter and it just as quickly STOPPED!!!!!  Like I said, this student is GOOD!!!  She should get an A++++++ for her practicum!!!!!!   8) :D 8)

Bones
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13616
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2827 on: October 24, 2011, 08:41:24 AM »
awww, Bones, I'm so glad you had that comfort.

You deserve healing touch.

So glad this happened for you.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5440
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2828 on: October 24, 2011, 10:05:10 AM »
Ah! I do remember that first incident with the bank in question, Bones. Yes, I understand why you're angry, too.

I've got my own points of contention with how banks are doing business now, too. It incredibly convoluted, crazymaking even. I've been thinking that maybe a mattress might make more sense... because there are now all these hoops one has to jump through to access one's own money and "interest" is joke for the normal savings accounts.

I try to put myself in the position that the banks are in - to understand what they are facing in new regulations - and that calms me down a bit. I am trying to stay up with all the current events and changes, reading so much it's almost a part-time job! How they're responding to their new rules doesn't always suit me either, and flat out doesn't make sense sometimes. That's why I suggested voting with your feet - and your money - and trying another bank. But, I'll repeat my caution about investigating their terms, rules, and fees before moving. I just read an article in a big financial publication that recommends and cautions the same thing, oddly enough. ALL the banks - in one way or another - are trying to adjust. They are making some choices that will eventually come back to haunt them - in goodwill, customer loyalty, etc.

One suggestion the article made - which might not work for you, but only you'll know that - is to try one of the online banks. Read ALL their options, and the limitations, etc so you know what you're getting into. I'm still not overly comfortable with online banking; what happens when my cable goes out or we lose power, for instance? We do have an online checking account that we like, that requires X number of debits (no fee either!) a month; and one online transaction (bill pay or deposit) a month to qualify for almost 3% interest a month, up to a specified balance limit; then the interest drops back down to 1% for any balances over that amount. You have to receive your statements, online only. The interest rate was too good to not sign up, for us. This bank is still paying US, to keep our money there and use their debit card. Different, huh?

Look into Free Checking accounts, too. They're not as popular as they used to be, but I think they're still out there. Sometimes, you can link a savings account or credit card to it, too - and rewards and overdraft protection get built into these plans/programs. A great way to compare bank offerings, is:

http://www.bankrate.com

This is an independent website that helps you compare what the banks are selling, offering, and their terms and conditions. They'll include local and regional and online banks - that one just doesn't hear about. Do your homework - it's the only way you can protect yourself!! And even then, be ready to make more adjustments later if something changes - it is just a fact of life, now. Business.

The banks didn't make these new rules. They're scrambling to try to abide by them. They're making mistakes; some banks are doing better than others; some will still fail this year. They have a bottom-line, too. People to pay and train - all those tellers and managers and advisors. Those folks are all part of the disappearing "middle-class", too.

The picture is a whole lot bigger - and messier - than just a bank being greedy or trying to avoid playing by the rules. They are screwing up sometimes; will lose some customers; will inadvertantly trangress one of the new rules -- because there are so many of them. What used to be a very simple, neighborhood-based, handshake business, one where everyone knew what the rules were because the rules had been around a long time and didn't change much at all -- where you could gossip with the tellers... just isn't that simple, any more. I do grieve that loss... because the "human" part of being in and doing business seems to getting regulated out of the process... and we don't seem to be getting enough "return on investment" for that trade-off.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2829 on: October 24, 2011, 02:29:27 PM »
awww, Bones, I'm so glad you had that comfort.

You deserve healing touch.

So glad this happened for you.

Hops

Thanks, Hops!

Since she needs more experiential hours, we're discussing when I can come back.

Bones
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2830 on: October 24, 2011, 02:34:49 PM »
Ah! I do remember that first incident with the bank in question, Bones. Yes, I understand why you're angry, too.

I've got my own points of contention with how banks are doing business now, too. It incredibly convoluted, crazymaking even. I've been thinking that maybe a mattress might make more sense... because there are now all these hoops one has to jump through to access one's own money and "interest" is joke for the normal savings accounts.

I try to put myself in the position that the banks are in - to understand what they are facing in new regulations - and that calms me down a bit. I am trying to stay up with all the current events and changes, reading so much it's almost a part-time job! How they're responding to their new rules doesn't always suit me either, and flat out doesn't make sense sometimes. That's why I suggested voting with your feet - and your money - and trying another bank. But, I'll repeat my caution about investigating their terms, rules, and fees before moving. I just read an article in a big financial publication that recommends and cautions the same thing, oddly enough. ALL the banks - in one way or another - are trying to adjust. They are making some choices that will eventually come back to haunt them - in goodwill, customer loyalty, etc.

One suggestion the article made - which might not work for you, but only you'll know that - is to try one of the online banks. Read ALL their options, and the limitations, etc so you know what you're getting into. I'm still not overly comfortable with online banking; what happens when my cable goes out or we lose power, for instance? We do have an online checking account that we like, that requires X number of debits (no fee either!) a month; and one online transaction (bill pay or deposit) a month to qualify for almost 3% interest a month, up to a specified balance limit; then the interest drops back down to 1% for any balances over that amount. You have to receive your statements, online only. The interest rate was too good to not sign up, for us. This bank is still paying US, to keep our money there and use their debit card. Different, huh?

Look into Free Checking accounts, too. They're not as popular as they used to be, but I think they're still out there. Sometimes, you can link a savings account or credit card to it, too - and rewards and overdraft protection get built into these plans/programs. A great way to compare bank offerings, is:

http://www.bankrate.com

This is an independent website that helps you compare what the banks are selling, offering, and their terms and conditions. They'll include local and regional and online banks - that one just doesn't hear about. Do your homework - it's the only way you can protect yourself!! And even then, be ready to make more adjustments later if something changes - it is just a fact of life, now. Business.

The banks didn't make these new rules. They're scrambling to try to abide by them. They're making mistakes; some banks are doing better than others; some will still fail this year. They have a bottom-line, too. People to pay and train - all those tellers and managers and advisors. Those folks are all part of the disappearing "middle-class", too.

The picture is a whole lot bigger - and messier - than just a bank being greedy or trying to avoid playing by the rules. They are screwing up sometimes; will lose some customers; will inadvertantly trangress one of the new rules -- because there are so many of them. What used to be a very simple, neighborhood-based, handshake business, one where everyone knew what the rules were because the rules had been around a long time and didn't change much at all -- where you could gossip with the tellers... just isn't that simple, any more. I do grieve that loss... because the "human" part of being in and doing business seems to getting regulated out of the process... and we don't seem to be getting enough "return on investment" for that trade-off.

I've already done my homework and I'm in the process of changing banks now.  I have only one or two more details left then I can tell MegaNational Bank to kiss my A$$!!!!  I'm no longer willing to offer them tea and sympathy!  SCREW THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5440
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2831 on: October 24, 2011, 04:01:47 PM »
Understood, Bones! Just be careful... OK?
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2832 on: October 24, 2011, 04:11:33 PM »
Understood, Bones! Just be careful... OK?

OK!
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

Redhead Erin

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 234
  • "I used to be disgusted; now I try to stay amused"
    • My site about my carriage horses
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2833 on: October 25, 2011, 01:28:20 AM »
Which bank are you thinking of going to?  I need to change, too, but apathy gets the better of me.....

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2834 on: October 25, 2011, 06:17:21 AM »
Which bank are you thinking of going to?  I need to change, too, but apathy gets the better of me.....

I changed to the one that has Vikings as spokespeople, (they remind me of Monty Python).  You may recognize the slogan:  "What's in YOUR wallet?"  So far, the way this bank treats their customers is FAR BETTER than MegaNational Bank!

Bones
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!