Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[sKePTiKal]

Sounds like you've just discovered the bestest healing tool, Bones! Fun, enjoying oneself... it grows into a force-field so that the "other" stuff bounces right off... and back to "sender". I did some of that this weekend too - went to a small company's Christmas party. Lots of fun kids, dogs of all sizes, a great band, good home-cooked food, nothing fancy - all quite makeshift and informal. Met some very nice, hardworking, normal people!

I'm beginning to realize I gotta get out of my big ole house, and out of my neighborhood of people who still think fancy & expensive = better (or pretend that they believe this... for whatever reason) and go find a place for myself, where I can be useful and immersed in everyday, ordinary affairs. There's a lot of "sad" in the people I'm meeting in my neighborhood - I pick up on the wistful comments, faraway looks and while I could probably say something to cheer them up, don't ya know I'm afraid of unsuspectingly putting myself back into that boundaryless "Ms. Fixit" position again. I wish I could finally conquer my reluctance to "play" or take people up on their invitations to spend time together.

I know I am still susceptible to that; the doing/saying/being "too much"... a friend asked for computer help and it only took me a minute... but then it was "sit and talk awhile"... and I got the feeling that I was the entertainment for the evening - and also subtly being asked to referee; I'm allergic to being in the middle like that. Thankfully, my dinner was in the oven and I kinda kept the time it would be done in my head. And when the phone rang, I made my escape - that's what it felt like. Because I couldn't relax being the center of attention like that.

So what play - what part? - did you audition for, Bones? I didn't know you liked to do this. I was involved in one play, in HS... I did set design/props for an Agatha Christie mystery. I was surprised to learn, that even those support roles behind the scenes are really important to the overall action onstage. I guess that's why it's a "production", huh?

[BonesMS]

Sounds like you've just discovered the bestest healing tool, Bones! Fun, enjoying oneself... it grows into a force-field so that the "other" stuff bounces right off... and back to "sender". I did some of that this weekend too - went to a small company's Christmas party. Lots of fun kids, dogs of all sizes, a great band, good home-cooked food, nothing fancy - all quite makeshift and informal. Met some very nice, hardworking, normal people!

I'm beginning to realize I gotta get out of my big ole house, and out of my neighborhood of people who still think fancy & expensive = better (or pretend that they believe this... for whatever reason) and go find a place for myself, where I can be useful and immersed in everyday, ordinary affairs. There's a lot of "sad" in the people I'm meeting in my neighborhood - I pick up on the wistful comments, faraway looks and while I could probably say something to cheer them up, don't ya know I'm afraid of unsuspectingly putting myself back into that boundaryless "Ms. Fixit" position again. I wish I could finally conquer my reluctance to "play" or take people up on their invitations to spend time together.

I know I am still susceptible to that; the doing/saying/being "too much"... a friend asked for computer help and it only took me a minute... but then it was "sit and talk awhile"... and I got the feeling that I was the entertainment for the evening - and also subtly being asked to referee; I'm allergic to being in the middle like that. Thankfully, my dinner was in the oven and I kinda kept the time it would be done in my head. And when the phone rang, I made my escape - that's what it felt like. Because I couldn't relax being the center of attention like that.

So what play - what part? - did you audition for, Bones? I didn't know you liked to do this. I was involved in one play, in HS... I did set design/props for an Agatha Christie mystery. I was surprised to learn, that even those support roles behind the scenes are really important to the overall action onstage. I guess that's why it's a "production", huh?

Thanks, P.R.

I'm learning that getting out of myself helps my mood.  I was surprised to receive an invitation to audition for a Broadway musical.  The last time I did that was for my senior class play 41+plus years ago and developed bursitis while trying to do the required dance routine way back then.  When I realized, yesterday, what I would be required to do, I told the choreographer to please don't be surprised if she hears my joints go "snap, crackle, pop" as it has been DECADES since I've even attempted something like THIS!  During the audition, where I was also required to sing solo Broadway-style, (THAT is SCARY!  As SCARY as public speaking!), I learned that they consider me a Mega-Alto, which I've never heard of before.  (I'm more familiar with Soprano, Alto, Tenor, Bass classifications so I'm not sure I understand what Mega-Alto means.)

I can't say much more about which play or which role until the powers-that-be make a decision.  We were asked not to discuss any details on any social websites until then.  If, by some stroke of luck, I get the role I auditioned for...it looks like I'm going to have a LOT of FUN with it!!!  I couldn't do much with any type of characters or character-development yesterday because I'm not that familiar with the play.  Trying to focus on learning the dance routines without, literally, falling on my butt or my face plus learning unfamiliar tunes and lyrics plus attempting to following the director's instructions to interact with the other auditioners as if I had known them, intimately, for YEARS was challenging enough.  For an Aspie, it's DEFINITELY outside of my comfort zone!

[BonesMS]

here.......

[sKePTiKal]

Well, Bones... I think it's amazing you're trying out for this role! I really wouldn't even consider going to the audition; just couldn't stand it; I'd be way too uncomfortable. Sure sounds like you enjoyed this though and that's a good thing. And I'm glad you shared it here, because it reminds me that "stepping out of my comfort zone" doesn't have to mean that our worst fears come true... or that it will be a dreadful experience. I really hope you get called back and are given a role. There is a wonderful "belonging" feeling about being part of something like this.This would be such a great Christmas present to yourself. I've realized recently I've been denying myself things like this, again.

hugs!

[Hopalong]

Hey Bones,
I want to congratulate you, too, just on the guts and moxie it took to get out there and ENJOY taking a risk!
Whether or not you get the part, that's such a joyful thing to do.
(And if by some bizarre reckoning you don't get it, well then, you have discovered something you enjoy extending yourself for...and you can go find another! THAT would be our persistent Bones...)

Fingers and toes locked and loaded.

I also wanted to congratulate you on 200 pages of post and chat!

xo
Hops

[BonesMS]

Hey Bones,
I want to congratulate you, too, just on the guts and moxie it took to get out there and ENJOY taking a risk!
Whether or not you get the part, that's such a joyful thing to do.
(And if by some bizarre reckoning you don't get it, well then, you have discovered something you enjoy extending yourself for...and you can go find another! THAT would be our persistent Bones...)

Fingers and toes locked and loaded.

I also wanted to congratulate you on 200 pages of post and chat!

xo
Hops

Thanks, Hops.

At times, I wonder if I vent and rant too much...especially when I start perserverating about psychology stuff.  (Maybe that's why the Big Bang Theory makes me laugh so much when I see Sheldon doing similar stuff with other scientific things.)  

I keep trying to remind myself to just simply enjoy the experience of the audition, not take it personally, and let go of the results.  If the role is beyond my physical ability of belting out a Broadway tune or dancing Bob-Fosse-style, oh well.....

[BonesMS]

One of my guilty pleasures is watching court shows such as Judge Judy, People's Court, Judge Joe Brown, etc.  Occasionally, a plaintiff will turn up that is CLEARLY an N who is attempting to manipulate the system to further abuse the target of their Narcissistic wrath.  I LOVE it when the judge NAILS the N with what they are attempting to do and rips them a new a$$hole.....on national TV!!!!

[sKePTiKal]

Bones, I can relate to the pleasure you get from those shows; that was always my fantasy...

being able to report my mom, have proof, and have the "authorities" force her to change her ways -- or go to jail. I can hear her whining in front of the judge now... "but everything I did was for her own good".... as the bailiff hauls her away. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I'm finding myself simply "not caring" that much anymore about her - one way or another. At this point, I'm using her -- observing -- her wackiness and what she's doing... and my own reactions... trying to finish up my unconscious-self healing process and find the cohones to just "move on"...

btw - I'm in awe of your grasp of psychological knowledge. Don't mind a bit, either, when you post what you know. I'm still learning...

[BonesMS]

Bones, I can relate to the pleasure you get from those shows; that was always my fantasy...

being able to report my mom, have proof, and have the "authorities" force her to change her ways -- or go to jail. I can hear her whining in front of the judge now... "but everything I did was for her own good".... as the bailiff hauls her away. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I'm finding myself simply "not caring" that much anymore about her - one way or another. At this point, I'm using her -- observing -- her wackiness and what she's doing... and my own reactions... trying to finish up my unconscious-self healing process and find the cohones to just "move on"...

btw - I'm in awe of your grasp of psychological knowledge. Don't mind a bit, either, when you post what you know. I'm still learning...

Thanks, P.R.

When I was watching the Peoples' Court yesterday, Judge Milian NAILED a NWomb-Donor who was attempting to use the court system to rip off her own daughter.  This N was SO STUPID that the "grounds" she attempted to sue on were MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE and CANCELLED each other out!  PLUS, the so-called "verbal contract" occurred when the defendant was ONLY 17 and STILL LEGALLY A MINOR and the N was LEGALLY OBLIGATED TO TAKE CARE OF HER MINOR CHILD!!  I LOVED it when the judge looked that !@#$ straight in the eye and stated that she could be a "vicious witch" for what she was attempting to do and found in favor of the defendant daughter!  Embarrassed the QUEEN N on national television!!!!!!!

I'm glad I can help others understand.  I feel that knowledge is power.

[BonesMS]

Happy Hanukkah!

[BonesMS]

here.........

[Hopalong]

...and Kwanza, but I think I'm early!

hugs

Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Hey - wait a minute! You forgot "Happy Solstice"!!!  The days start getting longer now... the "sun god" is making his way back to his summer position... and when the sun rises, now... over the ocean... I can mark his progress against the trees as he moves left across the sky each morning. I have my own version of Stonehenge, you know?

I won't see the sunrise this morning, tho. Too cloudy... but it's warm this morning! Barefoot, PJ'd and coffee on the porch -- while it lasts. S'posed to cool off to highs around 50, all day long. And I'm still in the kitchen baking!!!! But the good thing about my two weeks stint, is that I'm finally starting to feel like it's automatic. I don't have to think - just turn & open a drawer for a spoon. I've had to re-organize a few things since moving in... and will probably do it again, too based on what I've been using this week. I still have 7 Layer Bars and Baklava to make today... then I'm going to TRY to shift myself from flour-dusted, aproned Penn Dutch grandma... to Alice Waters: real food, simply prepared, as fresh as I can get. (OK... there is bacon, bacon, bacon and country ham in my near future, too... I am not above bribing hubs to try new things, with his favs).

The kitchen was one of the main attractions of this house for me. I'm a barely competent cook - even though I've done stints as a vegetarian and learned how to cook a lot of middle eastern dishes... a smattering of chinese cooking (another love I want to get back to). And while hubs & I are negotiating use of and organization of and cleanliness of the more "creative" spaces... I can and feel I need to... spend some of that creative energy in the kitchen. It's hard to believe - but it's taken me 2 years in this place to finally feel like I have the time to "play" like this. (Now, I've been kinda busy doing other things... in that two years - not kicking myself; just musing...)

How about you Bones? How are you playing for Christmas? What's on your agenda? Hops? What do you have planned?

[BonesMS]

...and Kwanza, but I think I'm early!

hugs

Hops

 

Thanks, Hops.

Happy Early Kwanza!

[BonesMS]

Hey - wait a minute! You forgot "Happy Solstice"!!!  The days start getting longer now... the "sun god" is making his way back to his summer position... and when the sun rises, now... over the ocean... I can mark his progress against the trees as he moves left across the sky each morning. I have my own version of Stonehenge, you know?

I won't see the sunrise this morning, tho. Too cloudy... but it's warm this morning! Barefoot, PJ'd and coffee on the porch -- while it lasts. S'posed to cool off to highs around 50, all day long. And I'm still in the kitchen baking!!!! But the good thing about my two weeks stint, is that I'm finally starting to feel like it's automatic. I don't have to think - just turn & open a drawer for a spoon. I've had to re-organize a few things since moving in... and will probably do it again, too based on what I've been using this week. I still have 7 Layer Bars and Baklava to make today... then I'm going to TRY to shift myself from flour-dusted, aproned Penn Dutch grandma... to Alice Waters: real food, simply prepared, as fresh as I can get. (OK... there is bacon, bacon, bacon and country ham in my near future, too... I am not above bribing hubs to try new things, with his favs).

The kitchen was one of the main attractions of this house for me. I'm a barely competent cook - even though I've done stints as a vegetarian and learned how to cook a lot of middle eastern dishes... a smattering of chinese cooking (another love I want to get back to). And while hubs & I are negotiating use of and organization of and cleanliness of the more "creative" spaces... I can and feel I need to... spend some of that creative energy in the kitchen. It's hard to believe - but it's taken me 2 years in this place to finally feel like I have the time to "play" like this. (Now, I've been kinda busy doing other things... in that two years - not kicking myself; just musing...)

How about you Bones? How are you playing for Christmas? What's on your agenda? Hops? What do you have planned?

Hi, P.R.

I haven't decided what I want to do about playing for Christmas.  I don't have an agenda yet.