Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

I hope you've relaxed a little, Bones.

I'm sure the CERT stuff feels a bit out of your comfort zone... you've already said you're pretty sure no one is going to volunteer and be reliable. It would freak me out, too. I've often suggested an idea and it's been interpreted that I'm volunteering and before you know it, I'm totally overwhelmed. Just set a firm commitment to yourself, that if no one else will accept responsibility for parts of the project that you need to delegate... you WON'T DO IT AT ALL.

And maybe you're coming down with whatever bug hit me. I've been regaining some energy and brain function the last few days... but it's easily used up. Even this morning - I woke up incredibly early... I guess since I've been sleeping long for days... and I was totally miserable and the tears just ran like a steady rain. By noon... all was well again. I was too exhausted to try to explain it to myself...  Some of it was just the nasty bug.... and me feeling flat-out helpless and miserable.

I treated myself to some skin and shower potions... sea salt scrub and some kind of egyptian oil balm... because my skin dries out & my nerve ending go bonkers this time of year. The heat, steam and oils really helped.

Thanks, P.R.

You're right, the CERT stuff is outside of my comfort zone, especially when I factor in the Aspie complications.  Dealing with people face-to-face is draining, by itself, and dealing with idiots who assume that I'm going to do EVERYTHING by myself with no effort from them, while they sit and watch, makes me crazy!  On top of that, a BIG birthday year is coming up next month and I'm feeling my age.  I've been trying to plan a get-away with some friends and celebrate my birthday with them at a Star Trek Convention but now that is starting to look iffy when a convention organization announced to us that they decided they will use the room that we already reserved, weeks ago, for another activity.  I feel like I'm being narcissistic for feeling upset at the prospect of my birthday celebration being canceled and, at the same time, I don't want a re-run of my 50th birthday where all my other friends were away at a Star Trek Convention, I was home, and Mr. Idiot IGNORED everything!  ICK!   

[BonesMS]

In the midst of trying to plan for my birthday, it appears that someone I've known for over two decades is starting to hit on me.  My "radar" is picking up on that he's interested in me sexually.  That might have worked when I was still in my 20's during the 1970's but NOT NOW!  I've gotten to the point where I find the local men ANNOYING while they behave like overgrown children.  (These guys are ranging in age from mid-50's to 60's.)  I've already stated, in more ways than one, I AM NOT AN OBJECT!  I AM A HUMAN BEING!  Yes, this dude makes me laugh with his comedy routines when we are all together as a group but I don't see any viable relationship with him.  Here's why:  (a) I am a recovering alcoholic and recovering drug addict.  He LOVES his beer; (b) I have chronic medical issues and often need to have someone provide me transportation when I need to get somewhere.  He has never had a driver's license because he has used the public transportation system all of his life.  Where he grew up had no space to park cars so he's never depended on a car; (c) I have had a history of medical emergencies so I need to be able to contact SOMEONE whenever these emergencies occur.  He REFUSES to get a cell-phone which would leave me no way to know WHERE to reach him during a medical crisis.  The current Mr. Idiot is doing the same thing, which does NOT help!

In a sense, both Mr. Idiot and this other guy who is hitting on me have similar characteristics which makes me want to knock their skulls together!  They both think they're being cute!  I find it annoying!  (During a recent dinner with my group of friends, my cell-phone started ringing.  It was one of my condo neighbors calling about a nasty situation in the building and wanted to discuss it with me given that I'm the building captain.  Because of the noise level in the restaurant, I was having a hard time hearing my neighbor clearly.  Mr. Comedian suggested I take my cell phone INTO THE MEN'S ROOM even though I'm a female!  Yeah, I smacked him for that suggestion!  )  Then while the group of us was discussing the upcoming Star Trek Convention and the necessary logistics of getting me there, Mr. Comedian announces that I can sleep in HIS motel room and that he sleeps naked!  I DON'T NEED THAT KIND OF NONSENSE!!!!  GEEZ!!!

[sKePTiKal]

Eh... well... maybe you could enjoy the flattery of being hit on... knowing full well, it's not going further than that? At our age, I've noticed that there's some more flexibility (in me) that way... and I sure don't want to miss any of that attention! LOL... it's too rare now that I'm not 20 and 110 lbs. and overly-emotionally-careful.

OH! and I'm finally peeling away some of the hard layers off hubs... and getting down to explanations for that man-boy thing that irritates me... and sounds like you're dealing with too. I opened my mouth and unintentionally said something that hurt his feelings (I may not be aspie - but I picked up some traits via my FOO that aren't far off) and it was days before he even said anything to me about it. That gives me another idea... what if you could rely on someone ELSE for the transportation and your emergency contact; someone who's competent and reliable... and not have that be part of the job description for a significant other? Maybe... one of your CERT friends?

I'm slowly figuring out, that as we age... we really, really, really need to have that network of friends and mutual support people. It's more important that when we were 13, you know?

[BonesMS]

Eh... well... maybe you could enjoy the flattery of being hit on... knowing full well, it's not going further than that? At our age, I've noticed that there's some more flexibility (in me) that way... and I sure don't want to miss any of that attention! LOL... it's too rare now that I'm not 20 and 110 lbs. and overly-emotionally-careful.

OH! and I'm finally peeling away some of the hard layers off hubs... and getting down to explanations for that man-boy thing that irritates me... and sounds like you're dealing with too. I opened my mouth and unintentionally said something that hurt his feelings (I may not be aspie - but I picked up some traits via my FOO that aren't far off) and it was days before he even said anything to me about it. That gives me another idea... what if you could rely on someone ELSE for the transportation and your emergency contact; someone who's competent and reliable... and not have that be part of the job description for a significant other? Maybe... one of your CERT friends?

I'm slowly figuring out, that as we age... we really, really, really need to have that network of friends and mutual support people. It's more important that when we were 13, you know?

Thanks, P.R.

Just trying to figure out who I can rely on, during a personal medical emergency, is a challenge.

Regarding the male mentality, maybe it's just me.  I find the crude sexual jokes more and more annoying as I get older.  I don't like feeling like I'm an object.  At least once, when I was with a group of other people, (not related to the group I hang out with now), we were talking about depression and self-medicating that depression.  I made the comment about how I felt like saying:  "Screw the whole world!"  One male made a snarky comment:  "Well, I wanted to screw the whole world but the hole wasn't big enough!  Hee-Hee-Hee!" (Sounded like Beavis and Butt-Head to me.)  I looked him straight in the face and replied:  "Well, you could always play fireman with it!"  I never saw a male beat feet so fast!  The women were all on the floor, laughing their butts off! I just shook my head.

[BonesMS]

here......................

[sKePTiKal]

I find the crude sexual jokes more and more annoying as I get older.

ME TOO, Bones!!! I feel like, "grow up already! If you think that's an invitation (or attractive) that I'm going to accept, you'll never get any!"

As I learned about boundaries... dealt with the old emotional injuries of being raped... and self-respect... self-love... I got hyper-sensitive to those kinds of comments. And I still feel that those kinds of comments are hostile and subtly aggressive. But poor hubs... doesn't know any other way to be. It's like he's so confused about me & my feelings/needs... and insecure about himself... he has to turn it all into a joke that's in bad taste. Like he's trying to lower the risk-factor of a rejection... you know? And in the process, he's insuring that he gets one... and it's a reinforcing feedback loop.

So... I've been trying to ignore the STYLE of these comments and just see him, instead. Not let the delivery-style raise my hackles or cause a total shut-down/withdrawal. There's more to it, of course. But I'll throw that up over on the relationship thread.

[BonesMS]

I find the crude sexual jokes more and more annoying as I get older.

ME TOO, Bones!!! I feel like, "grow up already! If you think that's an invitation (or attractive) that I'm going to accept, you'll never get any!"

As I learned about boundaries... dealt with the old emotional injuries of being raped... and self-respect... self-love... I got hyper-sensitive to those kinds of comments. And I still feel that those kinds of comments are hostile and subtly aggressive. But poor hubs... doesn't know any other way to be. It's like he's so confused about me & my feelings/needs... and insecure about himself... he has to turn it all into a joke that's in bad taste. Like he's trying to lower the risk-factor of a rejection... you know? And in the process, he's insuring that he gets one... and it's a reinforcing feedback loop.

So... I've been trying to ignore the STYLE of these comments and just see him, instead. Not let the delivery-style raise my hackles or cause a total shut-down/withdrawal. There's more to it, of course. But I'll throw that up over on the relationship thread.

Thanks, P.R.

It feels like the males in my age group are still behaving like little boys.  YRRRRCCCCHHHHH!!!!!!

[Meh]

I looked him straight in the face and replied:  "Well, you could always play fireman with it!"  I never saw a male beat feet so fast!  The women were all on the floor, laughing their butts off! I just shook my head.

Thats the way to crack that whip BONES!!!!! Smile

If you get pissy at their teasing they think your reaction is funny but if you show them how unmanly they are being they get embarrassed.

[BonesMS]

I looked him straight in the face and replied:  "Well, you could always play fireman with it!"  I never saw a male beat feet so fast!  The women were all on the floor, laughing their butts off! I just shook my head.

That's the way to crack that whip BONES!!!!! Smile

If you get pissy at their teasing they think your reaction is funny but if you show them how unmanly they are being they get embarrassed.

Thanks, Starlight.

I wish I could figure out what is wrong with the male species and why they behave so illogically.

[BonesMS]

I'm trying to figure out if this first letter was written by a Narcissist or if it's a fake written by some kid with nothing better to do:


http://www.creators.com/advice/dear-margo/yours-would-be-some-farewell-note.html

[BonesMS]

Only an N would do something like this!   


http://news.yahoo.com/mother-allegedly-sets-fire-home-toddler-inside-210900394.html;_ylt=AoSrI7WNq9OWXsSi.2CblczzWed_;_ylu=X3oDMTRvbjlwMm9lBGNjb2RlA2dtcHRvcDEwMDBwb29sd2lraXVwcmVzdARtaXQDTmV3cyBmb3IgeW91BHBrZwM5YmQzOTQwMi1hYWQ3LTM4MDQtODhiNS02NjU5N2QyMzZjNGQEcG9zAzgEc2VjA25ld3NfZm9yX3lvdQR2ZXIDNTA1Nzc2ZjAtNDQ3NC0xMWUxLTlmZmQtMzk1OTBkODhiMDk4;_ylg=X3oDMTJyN3VwNTBzBGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDNDcyZGQ1ZmYtN2QzNC0zOGZkLWIwYjUtMjNkNDdjODFhODhmBHBzdGNhdAN1cwRwdANzdG9yeXBhZ2UEdGVzdAM-;_ylv=3

[BonesMS]

here...............

[BonesMS]

The Annies really BLEW IT with Letter Writer #2!!!  I read the Annie's response and my immediate reaction was:  "Are you EFFING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?"


http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/angry-with-angry-birds.html

[Meh]

Well, Hiya Bones! Besides the letter reading, how are you getting along?

[BonesMS]

Well, Hiya Bones! Besides the letter reading, how are you getting along?

Thanks, Starlight.

I'm taking it one day at a time.  Some days are okay and other days are lousy.