Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[Redhead Erin]

I dunno......I like Sugar better.  Also, have you checked out Dan Savage? I followed his link to Sugar.

[BonesMS]

I dunno......I like Sugar better.  Also, have you checked out Dan Savage? I followed his link to Sugar.

No, I haven't.

[Redhead Erin]

Here is his link.  Warning---his columns are graphically sexual.  But the advice is more about relationships than about actual sex, and it is usually spot-on.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=14208958

[BonesMS]

Here is his link.  Warning---his columns are graphically sexual.  But the advice is more about relationships than about actual sex, and it is usually spot-on.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=14208958

I've never really got into reading other advice columns outside of the ones I've been familiar with for years.

[BonesMS]

Having trouble sleeping so thought to check in....................................

[BonesMS]

It seems everywhere I look, I encounter the smirking mugshot of that monster in Colorado.  It just SICKENS me!

[BonesMS]

It's an INSANE night tonight!  Just got home from being out with friends and seeing police cars flying everywhere with lights and sirens going!!!  Now I'm feeling agoraphobic!

[BonesMS]

Today's "Annie's Mailbox":

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/the-sting-of-no-acknowledgment.html

[sKePTiKal]

It seems everywhere I look, I encounter the smirking mugshot of that monster in Colorado.  It just SICKENS me!

Yeah, I know. Hubs has been running the news channel all day... I keep flipping it to the weather channel... or running out of the room. But, you know... he doesn't fit the usual profile for a mass murderer. Or at least the news people haven't been given - and repeated, ad nauseum - that information, yet.

Did you ever find out what all the commotion in your neighborhood was last night? We finally got a good thunderstorm last night; but lots of lightning.

[BonesMS]

It seems everywhere I look, I encounter the smirking mugshot of that monster in Colorado.  It just SICKENS me!

Yeah, I know. Hubs has been running the news channel all day... I keep flipping it to the weather channel... or running out of the room. But, you know... he doesn't fit the usual profile for a mass murderer. Or at least the news people haven't been given - and repeated, ad nauseum - that information, yet.

Did you ever find out what all the commotion in your neighborhood was last night? We finally got a good thunderstorm last night; but lots of lightning.

Thanks, P.R.

I'm not sure anyone will ever know the full story of that creep in Colorado, if ever.  It appears the only person who recognized something was "not right" with him was his own mother!  It begs the question how long did she know and what made her know it?  It's so hard to get a break away from that horror for even a few minutes.  Several of my friends wanted to talk about it last night and other members of our group kept trying to change the subject.  I found myself having the worst anxiety attack, with the new wrinkle of agoraphobia, I've ever had in my life and kept fighting myself to just sit with it, reminding myself that "this too shall pass".  I didn't say anything to any of my friends because none of them are in the position to really understand the dynamics of what goes on with something like this.  (They are mainly rocket scientists who work with numbers, not emotions.)

When I woke up this morning, the thought occurred to me that the main reason I'm feeling agoraphobic right now is that I no longer feel safe going ANYWHERE without worrying that some stupid creep is going to pull something EFFED-UP!!!  I know the next wave coming is going to be anger and feeling outraged at how DARE this a$$hole destroy what he did...interfering with everyone's freedom to go to the mall, go to the movies, live in peace at home, etc. without worrying about being ambushed or your own home deliberately blown up just so this Narcissist can grab attention to himself!  How EFFED-UP is THAT?!?!?!?

I'm going to check Google to see if I can find any reports of why the police were flying around last night around midnight.  I told my ride, as we were pulling into the parking lot, that I'm hoping and praying that the police are not dealing with some insane a$$hole copycat!  That is the LAST thing we need!!!!

I'm glad you got the rain you needed.

[Hopalong]

Hey ((((((((((Bones))))))))))) --
When I feel triggered by events as you are, I have found a thought that helps me is:

The reality is that most of us are mostly safe most of the time.

I find that if I let that thought "run in the background", I am mostly okay.

I get panic but love the sound of your mature response to it--breathing through it and reminding yourself it will pass. That's a seasoned grownup thought. Bravo.. I think copycat events are possible but NOT a threat to "most of us most of the time".

Remember what a big country it is. And despite its violence and the craziness in the culture, remember what most people are doing. Living in peace.

I saw a wonderful film last night (Netflix with 2 friends): "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close". It's about post-911, but it's not about horrifying the viewer. More about how humans handle trauma. But it's a Tom Hanks thing...so you know, he lets the light of humanity and of life, win. It does warm you--it's a tough journey, but it's so worth seeing. The child in the film might even be a little bit Aspie. I think you might relate to this film in a very strong way, (((Bonesie)))).

Hops

[BonesMS]

Hey ((((((((((Bones))))))))))) --
When I feel triggered by events as you are, I have found a thought that helps me is:

The reality is that most of us are mostly safe most of the time.

I find that if I let that thought "run in the background", I am mostly okay.

I get panic but love the sound of your mature response to it--breathing through it and reminding yourself it will pass. That's a seasoned grownup thought. Bravo.. I think copycat events are possible but NOT a threat to "most of us most of the time".

Remember what a big country it is. And despite its violence and the craziness in the culture, remember what most people are doing. Living in peace.

I saw a wonderful film last night (Netflix with 2 friends): "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close". It's about post-911, but it's not about horrifying the viewer. More about how humans handle trauma. But it's a Tom Hanks thing...so you know, he lets the light of humanity and of life, win. It does warm you--it's a tough journey, but it's so worth seeing. The child in the film might even be a little bit Aspie. I think you might relate to this film in a very strong way, (((Bonesie)))).

Hops

Thanks, (((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hops)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[sKePTiKal]

Bones, honey...

that panic attack is the ultimate goal of terrorism (and this incident meets my definition of terrorism even tho it's only 1 person, acting alone) ... the bonus goal, is that now people fear each other more than ever, wondering who the next person will be to flip out and do something just as heinous. It's been on almost constantly in my house. It's been a feature of forums (and Facebook) too... and I'm sure the next person I chat with F2F will bring it up too. Even people I know who are rock-steady, optimistic, and usually carry-on... are talking about security and protection and contingency plans. THIS, by itself, scares me more than what happened in the theater.

SIGH!!!!!!!!

Fear is like rabies; extremely contagious and almost always fatal. BUT, the alternative - not being afraid - is to deny reality. Leaves a person wondering what to do... first: reassure yourself that you are not in immediate danger... and if you need to repeat a mantra, sit & breathe... just do it. Slow the brain down enough to catalog your surroundings and connect outward from your body to the seat you're on... the floor... the walls. Still OK. Keep going outward... until you can feel that you are in a safe zone and can move freely within it. You're OK; you're gonna be OK. It's OK.

And it's OK to be afraid, too. That's a normal, sane reaction. But the truth is that these kinds of events stick so dramatically in our collective memory we don't realize that they're relatively rare. It never seems (in the moment) that they're rare. Columbine! Is people's first association... but that was what? 10 years ago or more? Something like that anyway. These things don't happen every year; every month.

Hops is right - most of the time, most places - people are peaceful with each other and getting along (even when they have strong differences of opinion). Not everything is "political" either. Remember that the media are in the business of collecting "eyeballs"... attention... and for some reason right now, are trying to turn what is a horrible tragedy into a socio-political "issue" - which plays upon people's inner fears; could be another "threat". The media doesn't often challenge one's brain -- to think for oneself... and so overworks and manipulates our empathy... the only thing a person who is sensitive to these topics can do is TURN IT OFF.

I don't think there will be copycat incidents. HIGHLY unlikely, for a number of reasons.
I don't think you need to be suspicious of people you come in contact with -- there isn't going to be an epidemic of "crazy" all of a sudden. It's not the "zombie-pocalypse" starting. And the best thing you can do, is to simply go about your normal life with the same people you share it with. Some people deal with their fear, by talking it to death/boring/old news... some people are better off letting that all slide right on past them and while realizing it's a real thing... like a cesspool... you don't have to wade into it.

If you have to: stick your fingers in your ears and loudly chant: "la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la... I can't hear YOU..."

[Hopalong]

Hope you can rent that movie, Bones...

hugs
Hops

[BonesMS]

Bones, honey...

that panic attack is the ultimate goal of terrorism (and this incident meets my definition of terrorism even tho it's only 1 person, acting alone) ... the bonus goal, is that now people fear each other more than ever, wondering who the next person will be to flip out and do something just as heinous. It's been on almost constantly in my house. It's been a feature of forums (and Facebook) too... and I'm sure the next person I chat with F2F will bring it up too. Even people I know who are rock-steady, optimistic, and usually carry-on... are talking about security and protection and contingency plans. THIS, by itself, scares me more than what happened in the theater.

SIGH!!!!!!!!

Fear is like rabies; extremely contagious and almost always fatal. BUT, the alternative - not being afraid - is to deny reality. Leaves a person wondering what to do... first: reassure yourself that you are not in immediate danger... and if you need to repeat a mantra, sit & breathe... just do it. Slow the brain down enough to catalog your surroundings and connect outward from your body to the seat you're on... the floor... the walls. Still OK. Keep going outward... until you can feel that you are in a safe zone and can move freely within it. You're OK; you're gonna be OK. It's OK.

And it's OK to be afraid, too. That's a normal, sane reaction. But the truth is that these kinds of events stick so dramatically in our collective memory we don't realize that they're relatively rare. It never seems (in the moment) that they're rare. Columbine! Is people's first association... but that was what? 10 years ago or more? Something like that anyway. These things don't happen every year; every month.

Hops is right - most of the time, most places - people are peaceful with each other and getting along (even when they have strong differences of opinion). Not everything is "political" either. Remember that the media are in the business of collecting "eyeballs"... attention... and for some reason right now, are trying to turn what is a horrible tragedy into a socio-political "issue" - which plays upon people's inner fears; could be another "threat". The media doesn't often challenge one's brain -- to think for oneself... and so overworks and manipulates our empathy... the only thing a person who is sensitive to these topics can do is TURN IT OFF.

I don't think there will be copycat incidents. HIGHLY unlikely, for a number of reasons.
I don't think you need to be suspicious of people you come in contact with -- there isn't going to be an epidemic of "crazy" all of a sudden. It's not the "zombie-pocalypse" starting. And the best thing you can do, is to simply go about your normal life with the same people you share it with. Some people deal with their fear, by talking it to death/boring/old news... some people are better off letting that all slide right on past them and while realizing it's a real thing... like a cesspool... you don't have to wade into it.

If you have to: stick your fingers in your ears and loudly chant: "la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la... I can't hear YOU..."

Thanks, P.R.

At the moment, I'm starting to feel the next stage developing....anger and outrage.  What triggered that so quickly was some media-IDIOT comparing this creep to Trekkies!!!!!  Fans of Batman are a different group from fans of Star Trek!  I'm sure the SANE fans of Batman are just as pissed off as I am for being lumped in with this EFFED-UP creep!  I've been a Trekkie since the age of 14, trying to follow Spock's advice of IDIC and the vision first illustrated on television by the Great Bird of the Galaxy.  I just don't see HOW this media-Idiot could lump Trekkies with this monster!  I just don't get that!