Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Today's "Dear Abby": might trigger some of us:

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20121202

[BonesMS]

In today's "Annie's Mailbox":

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/compassionate-friends-worldwide-candlelighting.html

I wonder if I could light a candle in memory of the elder sister who died at birth?  I found it very sad that the ONLY time her existence was ever mentioned was in order for the NWomb-Donor to garner attention and sympathy for HERSELF.  When I was finally able to get a copy of my sister's stillbirth certificate as part of my genealogy research, hoping I could locate her burial site, I was horrified to learn that her body was treated as if it was nothing more than medical trash that was burned!     She NEVER had any kind of funeral or memorial service.  She deserved BETTER than THAT!  She deserved to be treated BETTER than a tool for the NWomb-Donor's Narcissism!   
She had NO ONE to fight for HER individuality back in 1948!

As for the second letter.....whenever I see a letter like that, where the letter writer NEVER mentions what led to the conflict and cut-off, I get REAL SUSPICIOUS!!!!  The letter-writer gives me the impression that they are trying to portray themselves as the "pure innocents" and that their "rebellious" child is "pure evil".  Knowing what the NWomb-Donor did to me and my NGCB, the NWomb-Donor deserved to be cut off......PERMANENTLY!!!!!  My gut tells me that the letter writer's daughter has gone NC for good reason!

[Twoapenny]

Bones, I think it would be lovely if you could remember your sister in some way.  I had all sorts of little ceremonies for my dad in my thirties - he died when I was young and, like you, he wasn't really mentioned again and I think I was just too young to grieve for him.

It helped a lot to have rituals, little ways of connecting with him and saying goodbye.  You could even make a little area for her, a nice plant or flowers, some candles, a little book of prayers/meditations/spiritual sayings, you know, anything that appeals to you.  Just a little corner of your life that gives her the space she never had before.  And now I'm going for the big hug:

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bonesie and sister)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[BonesMS]

Bones, I think it would be lovely if you could remember your sister in some way.  I had all sorts of little ceremonies for my dad in my thirties - he died when I was young and, like you, he wasn't really mentioned again and I think I was just too young to grieve for him.

It helped a lot to have rituals, little ways of connecting with him and saying goodbye.  You could even make a little area for her, a nice plant or flowers, some candles, a little book of prayers/meditations/spiritual sayings, you know, anything that appeals to you.  Just a little corner of your life that gives her the space she never had before.  And now I'm going for the big hug:

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bonesie and sister)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks, ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[BonesMS]

I'm struggling with an anxiety attack with myself.....and it all started with a casual comment that I sent to a friend of mine regarding a possible ancestor in Germany.  I didn't expect the comment to go anywhere other than someone hitting "Like", posting a "Smiley", and then that would be the end of it.

The casual comment has blossomed into a possible job.     The rational part of my brain is stating:  "You can DO this! You have the ABILITY!"  The irrational part of my brain is running around in panic mode.....if that makes sense....because I'm TERRIFIED that I'm going to accidentally say or do something, because of my possible Asperger's, and SCREW IT UP!

Knowing that my brain is wired differently is an ongoing struggle.   

[BonesMS]

I keep trying to focus on what I CAN do and let go of the results.......

[Twoapenny]

I'm struggling with an anxiety attack with myself.....and it all started with a casual comment that I sent to a friend of mine regarding a possible ancestor in Germany.  I didn't expect the comment to go anywhere other than someone hitting "Like", posting a "Smiley", and then that would be the end of it.

The casual comment has blossomed into a possible job.     The rational part of my brain is stating:  "You can DO this! You have the ABILITY!"  The irrational part of my brain is running around in panic mode.....if that makes sense....because I'm TERRIFIED that I'm going to accidentally say or do something, because of my possible Asperger's, and SCREW IT UP!

Knowing that my brain is wired differently is an ongoing struggle.   

Ah Bonesie - can you let them know you have Asperger's?  Can you send them and info sheet explaining a bit about it, and ask them to bear in mind some of the things you might experience differently to someone without Asperger's?  Be great for you to go for this!!

[BonesMS]

I'm struggling with an anxiety attack with myself.....and it all started with a casual comment that I sent to a friend of mine regarding a possible ancestor in Germany.  I didn't expect the comment to go anywhere other than someone hitting "Like", posting a "Smiley", and then that would be the end of it.

The casual comment has blossomed into a possible job.     The rational part of my brain is stating:  "You can DO this! You have the ABILITY!"  The irrational part of my brain is running around in panic mode.....if that makes sense....because I'm TERRIFIED that I'm going to accidentally say or do something, because of my possible Asperger's, and SCREW IT UP!

Knowing that my brain is wired differently is an ongoing struggle.   

Ah Bonesie - can you let them know you have Asperger's?  Can you send them and info sheet explaining a bit about it, and ask them to bear in mind some of the things you might experience differently to someone without Asperger's?  Be great for you to go for this!!

Thanks, (((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))))))))!

I think that he might be aware since we are on each other's FB pages alot.  Right now, he's out of town on a business trip so he's not going to have time to go through his e-mails at the moment.  He and I have crossed paths before and I told him then that I consider him a member of my Phamily of Choice since we both came from dysfunctional families.  (This was decades before I knew about NPD.)  I feel like I can talk to him like a brother.  I'm in the process of reading his autobiography and learned that he had a younger sister who died on her sixth birthday!     If he considers me as his Baby Sister, that would be great!  Neither one of us has any siblings left.

I'm hoping he will be amenable to the project proposal that I sent him and see what he says.  I'm also trying to sketch out a "Plan B" in case "Plan A" doesn't pan out concerning any contacts in Germany.  It's not like I can hop onto a Lear jet and fly over the Big Pond.  Once I know his thoughts about this, then I'll know what I can and cannot do.  The unknown is just scary.

[Hopalong]

Bones, I really hope this project works out for you.
I'll bet it's partly BECAUSE of your Asperger's that you are so good at this kind of research.
Focused, able to persist, very logical, and able to just keep looking. I admire you!

As to the communications part, I'd suggest you just avoid using all-caps and exclamation
points when you're doing the professional parts of it...even though he's already a FB friend.

Whenever you feel "worked up" or lost in a communication, stop -- send a draft to
somebody you trust for a second opinion, and that way maybe you can not let your
fears derail you.

I think you'd be (and I'm sure ARE) a just fantastic researcher. Kudos!

(And as to the columns, that Nanchan gives me the willies.) 

love
Hops

[BonesMS]

Bones, I really hope this project works out for you.
I'll bet it's partly BECAUSE of your Asperger's that you are so good at this kind of research.
Focused, able to persist, very logical, and able to just keep looking. I admire you!

As to the communications part, I'd suggest you just avoid using all-caps and exclamation
points when you're doing the professional parts of it...even though he's already a FB friend.

Whenever you feel "worked up" or lost in a communication, stop -- send a draft to
somebody you trust for a second opinion, and that way maybe you can not let your
fears derail you.

I think you'd be (and I'm sure ARE) a just fantastic researcher. Kudos!

(And as to the columns, that Nanchan gives me the willies.) 

love
Hops

Thanks, Hops.

This friend and I have a shared history and he has seen me dissolve into an emotional "puddle" when he was performing one of his songs.  He and I have struggled with similar issues.  I think that's why his song touched my soul the way it did.

[BonesMS]

For Survivors........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcVsqXZUxoc

[Hopalong]

That was beautiful, (((((Bones))))).

Don't let the howlidays get you down!!

xxoo

Hops

[BonesMS]

That was beautiful, (((((Bones))))).

Don't let the howlidays get you down!!

xxoo

Hops

Thanks, ((((((((((((((((Hops))))))))))))))))))))))))

[BonesMS]

The last letter in "Dear Abby" has me shaking my head:

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20121203

The moron they are describing could be considered a "Frenemy".   

[BonesMS]

Today's "Annie's Mailbox"

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/is-lack-of-commitment-a-problem.html