Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/crying-won-t-change-a-cheater.html

The second letter sounds painfully familiar.

[BonesMS]

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20130907

[BonesMS]

Bones do some last names really have no meaning and no origin? Like what do you think the last name crandlemire means or comes from?  Like I know my last name came from the british isles.

I thought all names really had some kind of greater history. What do you think?

Good morning, Bean.

Yes, names have a history.  Many, many, many, many moons ago, people didn't have surnames or family names as we take for granted today.  There were often given names plus some sort of characteristic that would distinguish that individual within his tribe or village such as Big John, or Little John, Eric the Red, John's Son, (Johnson), Ben the Blacksmith, (Ben Smith).

I'll look up Crandlemire as the origin of that name now has me curious.

If you're interested in genealogy, you can also look on Ancestry.com.

[BonesMS]

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20130908

That first letter writer has a FULL plate!

[BonesMS]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/her-guy-s-talking-jewelry-with-his-ex.html

[Twoapenny]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/her-guy-s-talking-jewelry-with-his-ex.html

I was really surprised by the response to the second letter about the person who keeps being questioned about their assistance dog - disabled people have a right to privacy and to be seen as people rather than being defined by 'what they can't do'.  I don't see those sort of questions from complete strangers as being curious, I find them rude and offensive (from adults, I don't mind from kids).  It's different when you are getting to know someone, of course you'll both ask questions but I've been quizzed in the street by complete strangers about my son's disability and it's terribly invasive.  I wouldn't march up to someone and ask for information about their toilet habits or their sex lives, why should people be expected to give out personal information about their health to people they don't know?

[BonesMS]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/her-guy-s-talking-jewelry-with-his-ex.html

I was really surprised by the response to the second letter about the person who keeps being questioned about their assistance dog - disabled people have a right to privacy and to be seen as people rather than being defined by 'what they can't do'.  I don't see those sort of questions from complete strangers as being curious, I find them rude and offensive (from adults, I don't mind from kids).  It's different when you are getting to know someone, of course you'll both ask questions but I've been quizzed in the street by complete strangers about my son's disability and it's terribly invasive.  I wouldn't march up to someone and ask for information about their toilet habits or their sex lives, why should people be expected to give out personal information about their health to people they don't know?

I agree.  It's just as invasive to walk up to a pregnant woman and grab her belly without permission!  Sheesh!

When I've encountered others with service animals, I usually comment that their Fur-Baby is GORGEOUS....and they always are!     (Can you tell I love animals?)  We then talk about their Fur-children, their names, how old they are, and I always ask permission, first, if I can say 'hello' to the Fur-Baby too.  By then, we're usually seated and yakking away and sharing about mutual challenges that we have in common.  I often imagine how I would feel if someone, a total stranger, walked up to me and invaded my space without permission.  It would NOT be pretty!

[BonesMS]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/why-mom-chooses-her-pedophile-over-her-daughter.html

The first letter contains triggers for those of us with PTSD.

The second letter is about a relative with a "self-trained service animal" that has a history of acting out and nipping.  To me, the operative word is "self-trained", NOT professionally trained.  If the dog has NOT been professionally trained as a service animal, (and that training is quite extensive), then the dog is a PET and NOT a "service animal" at all.  The relative sounds like an N who would invent any tall tale to force others around them to obey every edict.  If it were up to me, I'd tell this relative that their dog is NOT invited and not buy into the tall tales about how this "piece of perfection" is ENTITLED to "self-train", etc., etc.

[BonesMS]

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20130909

The first letter may also contain triggers for those of us with PTSD.

[BonesMS]

I'm not sure if I had mentioned this earlier or not.....

One of my neighbors is being a HUGE Pain-in-the-Ass about how she is ENTITLED to a SPECIAL EXCEPTION to what the Condo Docs requires!    She installed BROWN WOODEN BLINDS in her windows and the Condo Docs REQUIRE that any window treatments facing out the windows MUST BE WHITE.  She received a letter from the HOA stating this fact and she got up in my face, TWICE, DEMANDING that I give HER a SPECIAL EXCEPTION to what the Condo Docs require!    I told her that I do NOT have that kind of authority!!!!  I also informed her that she will need to come to the scheduled hearing to discuss her case.  She got mad and SCREAMED at me about how SHE is ENTITLED because she had lived in the condos since 1994!  (AHEM, lady....the condos were NOT built until 1997!)  I repeated, again, that she will need to attend the scheduled hearing to discuss her case and I terminated the conversation.

Last night, during a budget meeting with the other Board members, I learned that this HUGE Pain-in-the-Ass somehow managed to finagle the private cellphone number from the grandchildren of another Board member and CALLED her while the Board member was out of town, on vacation, with her husband!    This other Board member was highly annoyed when she realized that the phone call, interrupting her vacation time, was NOT an emergency and that the caller was DEMANDING a SPECIAL EXCEPTION to what the Condo Docs require regarding her window treatments!!  What part of the word "NO" does this condo owner NOT understand?  

I know attempting to reason with an N is an exercise in futility!  Being a Board member puts me in the unavoidable position of having to deal with this N anyway!!!  EW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     (I just got an e-mail from her with the accusation that I'm "Playing Favorites" because she is NOT being granted a "special exception"!)  Dammit!!!!!!

[Twoapenny]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/her-guy-s-talking-jewelry-with-his-ex.html

I was really surprised by the response to the second letter about the person who keeps being questioned about their assistance dog - disabled people have a right to privacy and to be seen as people rather than being defined by 'what they can't do'.  I don't see those sort of questions from complete strangers as being curious, I find them rude and offensive (from adults, I don't mind from kids).  It's different when you are getting to know someone, of course you'll both ask questions but I've been quizzed in the street by complete strangers about my son's disability and it's terribly invasive.  I wouldn't march up to someone and ask for information about their toilet habits or their sex lives, why should people be expected to give out personal information about their health to people they don't know?

I agree.  It's just as invasive to walk up to a pregnant woman and grab her belly without permission!  Sheesh!

When I've encountered others with service animals, I usually comment that their Fur-Baby is GORGEOUS....and they always are!     (Can you tell I love animals?)  We then talk about their Fur-children, their names, how old they are, and I always ask permission, first, if I can say 'hello' to the Fur-Baby too.  By then, we're usually seated and yakking away and sharing about mutual challenges that we have in common.  I often imagine how I would feel if someone, a total stranger, walked up to me and invaded my space without permission.  It would NOT be pretty!

I agree completely, Bones, information gets shared in the natural course of getting to know another person (or their pet!) but for people to just ask without any other preamble is just rude, and sometimes people with the same condition recognise it in others very quickly and of course there's a sort of camaraderie in that but I used to get complete strangers asking me why he was in a buggy (special needs buggy, to me it was obvious, why in the world would I push a child almost as big as me around in a pushchair that was almost as tall as I was, do they think I just liked the challenge of getting it up the hill on the way home?!)  And it's demeaning for the other person to only be seen in terms of their disability or health problem, or in the case of that letter in terms of their animal and what it can do for them!  It's not hard to just be friendly and say hi and chat about the weather, most people appreciate that sort of thing.

[BonesMS]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/her-guy-s-talking-jewelry-with-his-ex.html

I was really surprised by the response to the second letter about the person who keeps being questioned about their assistance dog - disabled people have a right to privacy and to be seen as people rather than being defined by 'what they can't do'.  I don't see those sort of questions from complete strangers as being curious, I find them rude and offensive (from adults, I don't mind from kids).  It's different when you are getting to know someone, of course you'll both ask questions but I've been quizzed in the street by complete strangers about my son's disability and it's terribly invasive.  I wouldn't march up to someone and ask for information about their toilet habits or their sex lives, why should people be expected to give out personal information about their health to people they don't know?

I agree.  It's just as invasive to walk up to a pregnant woman and grab her belly without permission!  Sheesh!

When I've encountered others with service animals, I usually comment that their Fur-Baby is GORGEOUS....and they always are!     (Can you tell I love animals?)  We then talk about their Fur-children, their names, how old they are, and I always ask permission, first, if I can say 'hello' to the Fur-Baby too.  By then, we're usually seated and yakking away and sharing about mutual challenges that we have in common.  I often imagine how I would feel if someone, a total stranger, walked up to me and invaded my space without permission.  It would NOT be pretty!

I agree completely, Bones, information gets shared in the natural course of getting to know another person (or their pet!) but for people to just ask without any other preamble is just rude, and sometimes people with the same condition recognise it in others very quickly and of course there's a sort of camaraderie in that but I used to get complete strangers asking me why he was in a buggy (special needs buggy, to me it was obvious, why in the world would I push a child almost as big as me around in a pushchair that was almost as tall as I was, do they think I just liked the challenge of getting it up the hill on the way home?!)  And it's demeaning for the other person to only be seen in terms of their disability or health problem, or in the case of that letter in terms of their animal and what it can do for them!  It's not hard to just be friendly and say hi and chat about the weather, most people appreciate that sort of thing.

Yes!  From my perspective, my disabilities do NOT define me as a human being!

[BonesMS]

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2013/09/dear_prudence_i_m_gay_i_m_married_and_my_husband_wasn_t_invited_to_a_family.html

[BonesMS]

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20130910

[BonesMS]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/hubby-s-a-heavy-drinker-in-need-of-a-checkup.html