Author Topic: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?  (Read 1304432 times)

Hopalong

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #5910 on: July 10, 2014, 08:20:20 AM »
Dear Bones,
What is one small thing about summer that you really love?

Me, it's summer rainstorms. And not wearing many clothes at home.

That's two.

xo
Hops
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #5911 on: July 10, 2014, 08:54:22 AM »
Dear Bones,
What is one small thing about summer that you really love?

Me, it's summer rainstorms. And not wearing many clothes at home.

That's two.

xo
Hops

Hi, Hops.

Right now, I can't think of anything as I'm in the middle of dealing with an idiot who refuses to respect the word "NO" when it comes to having my VOICE taken away from me!  I will NOT have my VOICE taken away!  I WILL BE HEARD!
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BonesMS

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Gaining Strength

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #5913 on: July 11, 2014, 11:34:06 AM »
Fell like sharing any details Bones?

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #5914 on: July 11, 2014, 01:42:39 PM »
Feel like sharing any details Bones?

Thanks, GS.

I've just been feeling so frustrated lately.  

Where I live, I'm on the board of the home owners' association and I try to keep a close eye on what property management tries to do.  When they attempted to force the board to approve the installation of cigarette urns, outside my building and another building, even though the home owners NEVER requested them, I strenuously objected because I have asthma.  Being forced to walk through second-hand smoke has landed me in the emergency room before.  Property management attempted to justify their decision and I countered that they could set up a designated smoking area AWAY from the buildings.  When property management complained that a designated smoking area would be "inconvenient to the smokers", I finally lost my temper and bluntly told them that my landing in the emergency room with a life-threatening attack is INCONVENIENT TO ME!  That's when property management decided to drop their idea of installing cigarette urns.

Fast forward to this past week ... the board has been informed that the on-site service coordinator, who is an employee of property management, is leaving.  Another board member has been pressuring me to apply for the job.  I pointed out to him that our Bylaws forbid me to remain on the board if I become an employee of property management.  Plus, as an employee of property management, I would no longer have a voice if they try to push through sneaky crap again, like those cigarette urns.  If I object, I would be terminated AND I would no longer have a voice on the board either!  By remaining on the board, I can keep a close eye on things and HAVE MY VOICE!  I also outlined other factors that weighed in my decision to say:  NO.  This other board member REFUSES to HEAR ME and has attempted to FORCE me to change my NO into a YES because that is what HE wants!  (What part of the word NO does he NOT understand?)  We have a board meeting scheduled this coming week and I have a feeling that's he's going to try to force my hand in public and I'm going to lose my cool!  (BTW, his opinion of property management flip flops any which way the wind blows until it hits him, personally, in the pocketbook, then he'll try to proclaim that he NEVER trusted property management from the beginning!  He conveniently forgets that HE was the one who brought that management company to us in the first place!)  I'm also dealing with this same board member in another community organization where he's attempted to passively-aggressively sabotage the efforts of a committee I'm on by sending conflicting e-mails claiming he knows it all while he refuses to LISTEN.  Very aggravating!  
« Last Edit: July 11, 2014, 01:45:09 PM by BonesMS »
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Gaining Strength

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #5915 on: July 11, 2014, 06:55:54 PM »
I hear you Bones. It sounds like a kind of double bind. Difficult to navigate - but maybe not impossible.  Maybe some kind of a clever diversion will come to you between now and when you meet again.

(I am with you 100% on having smoking areas outside the door of building entrances, (especially hospitals). I just don't get it - totally illogical.)

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #5916 on: July 11, 2014, 07:15:33 PM »
I hear you Bones. It sounds like a kind of double bind. Difficult to navigate - but maybe not impossible.  Maybe some kind of a clever diversion will come to you between now and when you meet again.

(I am with you 100% on having smoking areas outside the door of building entrances, (especially hospitals). I just don't get it - totally illogical.)

Thanks, G.S.
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BonesMS

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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #5918 on: July 13, 2014, 08:18:05 AM »
Just got a message a short while ago, from my half-sister's grandson, informing me that his mother, my half-sister's daughter wants to know my street address, phone number, e-mail address, etc., etc.  I responded back that it's simply easier to contact me via e-mail.  I have no intention of giving her any more information than that.  The last time she and I saw each other face-to-face was immediately after NWomb-Donor died and I was treated as if I were less than human.  When her mother, my half-sister died, I was excluded.  Any attempts from me to communicate was met with hostility.  So WHY does she want to know where I live now?  My  trust was trashed years ago so I prefer to keep them all at arm's length.

I look back on what took place ...  in 1997 I was dealing with the deaths of an adopted sister and NWombDonor within a four month span.  Three years later, in 2000, my half-sister also dies so I'm dealing with a lot of loss from 1997 to 2000.  During that time frame and afterward, this particular bunch couldn't be bothered to treat me like I was human, let alone family.  I learned to live my life without them.  I don't trust any of them and I haven't forgotten how they made me feel when I was dealing with several deaths in the family at one time.  I don't like being kicked while I'm down.  They can just leave me alone.

What I find ironic is that years ago, this particular individual attempted to DENY that I was "legitimately" related because she DENIED that my father ever married NWombDonor.  (I have DOCUMENTED PROOF that they were married!  She tried to declare that those documents are forgeries and that I'm "too retarded" to know what I'm talking about!  I don't appreciate being called "illegitimate" and I DESPISE being called "retarded"!  I AM NEITHER!)  Now with the DNA test stating 99%, she CAN'T DENY the DNA!  When I sent the message back that the ONLY way she'll be permitted to contact me is through e-mail, I haven't heard a peep.  If my refusal to OBEY her has pissed her off ....  TOO EFFING BLOODY BAD!  After dumping on me and cursing my father to my face, I don't forget that kind of abuse!
« Last Edit: July 13, 2014, 12:07:13 PM by BonesMS »
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Hopalong

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #5919 on: July 13, 2014, 09:14:19 AM »
I like the way you're listening to and respecting your own intuition Bones.
Both with the potential job and the relative.

One question though, fwiw...could the job be a good thing for you?

xo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #5920 on: July 13, 2014, 09:16:22 AM »
I like the way you're listening to and respecting your own intuition Bones.
Both with the potential job and the relative.

One question though, fwiw...could the job be a good thing for you?

xo
Hops

Hops, I have already analyzed the job situation from all angles and I've already said NO.  It will NOT be a good thing for me!  I thought I was clear about that!  I'm feeling very frustrated and angry right now!
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Gaining Strength

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #5921 on: July 13, 2014, 04:43:27 PM »
You are wise to only give out your email. Being held "illegitimate" is a soul crusher. Nobody deserves that.  When my mother died last year my two brothers went on a campaign to assassinate my character to our extended family. Sadly they were successful.  I have been stunned on one hand but on the other it has  allowed me to let go and move on. Sounds like you have decided to move on as well. 

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #5922 on: July 13, 2014, 06:59:51 PM »
You are wise to only give out your email. Being held "illegitimate" is a soul crusher. Nobody deserves that.  When my mother died last year my two brothers went on a campaign to assassinate my character to our extended family. Sadly they were successful.  I have been stunned on one hand but on the other it has  allowed me to let go and move on. Sounds like you have decided to move on as well. 


Thanks, G.S.

When this individual started spewing the same venom that NWomb-Donor used to spew when she was alive, I knew I didn't want to deal with that.  I had enough of the lies being thrown in face.  It's hard to combat character assassination when it has been done behind your back or been done since the day you were born.  I also didn't appreciate them trashing my dead father to my face.  With the email, if they use it as a means to attempt to abuse me verbally, I can block them.  Another issue that I have with them is that they can't stand the fact that I have African in my DNA.  The test indicated Kenya, Bantu People, South Africa, Zulu, Congo, Ghana, Nigeria, and I can't remember what else off the top of my head.  I joked with my friends that maybe Uhura and I are cousins!  LOL!  These relatives prefer to be "lily white" so they prefer to delude themselves while trashing me for not being white enough to suit them.  Like you, I let go of them 17 years ago and moved on.  From my perspective, loving family members don't trash other family members because they're "not good enough".  Screw that!
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Twoapenny

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #5923 on: July 14, 2014, 04:03:02 AM »
Why is it that when I have to say "NO" to something, those making demands REFUSE to hear the word "NO"?  WTF?!?!?

I get that too, Bonesie, it's frustrating to say the least!  Maybe it's time to get placards made so you can just wave NO in someone's face instead of saying it all the time :)

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #5924 on: July 14, 2014, 07:52:54 AM »
Why is it that when I have to say "NO" to something, those making demands REFUSE to hear the word "NO"?  WTF?!?!?

I get that too, Bonesie, it's frustrating to say the least!  Maybe it's time to get placards made so you can just wave NO in someone's face instead of saying it all the time :)

I'm ready to do that!  Maybe the business card-size placards will say:  "WHAT PART OF THE WORD 'NO' DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!?"  If they STILL keep trucking, then the next placard would say:  "ARE YOU AN IDIOT OR A MORON?"  Then I'll walk away.
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