This was in today's "Dear Annie":
"Dear Annie: My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease five years ago. In the beginning, it was just small stuff, such as forgetting that she had told the same story to us five times or using her lipstick as eyeliner. About a year ago, it got really bad. My dad told me that she would get up in the middle of the night and take out the car. One night, around 3 in the morning, he got a call from a gas station. The attendant said that there was a lady there who didn't know where she was.
After the middle-of-the-night scare, my father decided it was time to put her under professional care. We researched all the facilities and found the best one. Though it is a great deal of money for us, the care the facility provides seems top-notch.
The other night, my dad and I took my mom out to dinner and then went back to the home where she is staying. She sang nursery songs the whole ride back from the restaurant and seemed in good spirits. When we were saying goodbye (not sure she remembered who I was), she began to cry. She didn't understand why she couldn't go home with my dad. She became very upset and said, "But he is my husband. I love him. I want to sleep next to him." My dad was holding back tears and said very calmly, "No, this is your home now. You have to go to your room." The nurses told my dad and me to leave and said they would take care of her. It was so sad to watch. Were the nurses right, or should we have taken her back with us? — Daughter in Distress"
Having had the experience of caring for a patient with Alzheimer's, I know that this mother is in the best of care in the facility where she is now. Once Sun-downing sets in and the Alzheimer's patient starts to wander off while everyone else is sleeping is when the situation can become fatal for the patient. I understand the daughter's distress and, at the same time, with the way health insurance is set up, it can become prohibitively expensive to have round-the-clock nursing care inside a private home, especially if there is only one nurse on duty, s/he takes a bathroom break and, in the blink of an eye, the Alzheimer's patient is out the door or setting something on fire on the stove. I think the daughter would benefit becoming involved with a support group for families of Alzheimer's patients so that she knows she is not alone with the emotions she is experiencing.
