Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

I go to my Facebook business page to do some posting and get hit with this in my Message section:

"I see that you don't have a public tree therefore aren't willing to share your work."

This came from a TOXIC N relative who must have been trying to check out, (more accurately, STALK), my Ancestry account.  I didn't bother to reply, just instantly BANNED the B!TCH! 

FWIW, I AM willing to share my work...I am VERY PARTICULAR who I share my work with!  If you ask nicely, no problem!  Come at me with an ATTITUDE like this N just did and the N + ATTITUDE will be ejected out the nearest airlock!

My past experiences with this particular bunch, who unfortunately share my DNA, have NEVER been pleasant!  I can understand them hating NWomb-Donor and my father for getting married back in 1934.  (I wasn't born until about two decades later so I was NOT involved with their extramarital affair that led to my Dad divorcing his first wife during the Depression Era.)  Now that NWomb-Donor and my father are dead and gone, it seems that these N's have turned their laser-hatred on me and I have NOT spoken with them frequently BECAUSE of their unpleasantness!  Who wants to be around THAT?!?!?!?  When I first started my genealogy research, before the Internet became easily available, my research was on paper...birth certificates, death certificates, marriage licenses, copies of wills, etc. THAT I PAID FOR!  These N's DEMANDED that I hand EVERYTHING over to THEM because, in THEIR view, I was NOT allowed to have it!!!  (As if I'm NOT allowed to be related to them in any way, shape, or form!)  They got told "NO!" so their attitude has gotten snottier ever since. 

The N who sent me that message on Facebook has been NASTY every single time she has contacted me.  She needs to knock it off!!!

UPDATE:  The N who sent me that message has been BLOCKED on Facebook and I've also contacted Ancestry regarding the situation in case these dingbats attempted to contact me again.  The Ancestry folks explained how I can also block on Ancestry Messenger, which I've done.

Today, I get an e-mail from a paternal cousin asking me to assist someone who contacted him.  As soon as I saw the name of the individual who contacted this paternal cousin, my reaction was "OH $H!T!!!"  It was the same N who was obnoxious to me on Facebook!  This poor cousin had NO idea about this mess as I had never mentioned it to him so I had to gently explain why I was not going to be replying to this individual.

Yeah, I was cringing!!!  I HATE family dysfunction!

(((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))  I've been a bit neglectful of other people's threads recently and I'm starting to read through stuff now.  Your family are such a weight!  It's so hard when you do what you can to extricate yourself but they still keep knocking on that door.  Thank goodness for blocking facilities.  I do think social media has made more people think that everything should be shared for free, but as you say, it's your time and money, you doing all the work, there's no reason why you should lay it out there for anyone to take (especially as your relatives will probably just find something horrible to do with it!).  I watched a video blog by someone who does healing and angel readings, that sort of thing.  She was explaining why she was going to stop posting free readings and doing free healing sessions (which she did so that those on low incomes could access them) because what she asked people to do was to write or express their experience in some way on her website and people weren't doing it - lining up to take the freebie but couldn't find two minutes to say thank you afterwards.  There are some doofuses about xx

Thanks, (((((((((((Tupp)))))))!

I get so aggravated at these TOXIC A$$WIPE$ when they attempt to contact me.  I'm painfully aware of the fact that they NEVER cared about me as a human being and treat me as nothing more than a pile of dog $h!t for their entertainment.  I wish they would simply take the hint and leave me the !@#$ ALONE!!!

I think I had already shared about how one of them hacked into my Ancestry account and dumped a bunch of $h!t into my database WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!  Excuse me but WTF makes them think that doing THAT is okay in anyone's book?!?!?

It's the toxicity, isn't it?  I've worked really hard to purposely distance and estrange myself from toxic people, mostly because I don't want to have to put time and energy into dealing with them.  Keeping them at arm's length isn't always enough, is it, sometimes they just come hammering up that path, lol, and you have no choice but to deal with them again.  I hope they leave you alone now, Bonesie, I didn't know they'd hacked your Ancestry account as well!  The lack of boundaries with some people has to be seen to be believed sometimes.

Yeah, I know!  I wish these toxic folks would keep their poison to themselves!

[BonesMS]

https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2017/05/01/you-dont-owe-your-toxic-mother-a-card-candy-or-quality-time-on-mothers-day/

For those of us still struggling, even if the TOXIC Egg-Donor/Womb-Donor is DEAD!

[Twoapenny]

https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2017/05/01/you-dont-owe-your-toxic-mother-a-card-candy-or-quality-time-on-mothers-day/

For those of us still struggling, even if the TOXIC Egg-Donor/Womb-Donor is DEAD!

Yes this is so true, Bonesie!  I did send my mum a birthday card one year, I think, and I can't remember what happened afterwards but I remember wishing I hadn't bothered.  Absolutely no contact has been the only way for us; the tiniest bit of communication and she will use it against you in some way.  Very sad.  There is a difference between falling out with people and being caught in a toxic relationship.  I'm glad the article mentioned people who can work on themselves; that's very true and not eveyone who's had a bad relationship with their mum will be in the same situation that no good will ever come of it, but as many of us know, sometimes the situation is too far along and you can't be the one to keep taking the flak for it.

[BonesMS]

https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2017/05/01/you-dont-owe-your-toxic-mother-a-card-candy-or-quality-time-on-mothers-day/

For those of us still struggling, even if the TOXIC Egg-Donor/Womb-Donor is DEAD!

Yes this is so true, Bonesie!  I did send my mum a birthday card one year, I think, and I can't remember what happened afterwards but I remember wishing I hadn't bothered.  Absolutely no contact has been the only way for us; the tiniest bit of communication and she will use it against you in some way.  Very sad.  There is a difference between falling out with people and being caught in a toxic relationship.  I'm glad the article mentioned people who can work on themselves; that's very true and not eveyone who's had a bad relationship with their mum will be in the same situation that no good will ever come of it, but as many of us know, sometimes the situation is too far along and you can't be the one to keep taking the flak for it.

Exactly.

I feel it's healthier to cut toxic people out of our lives.

[BonesMS]

For all of us who are struggling with today:

http://jezebel.com/a-toast-to-all-the-brave-kids-who-broke-up-with-their-t-1702954639?utm_medium=sharefromsite

[Twoapenny]

It's sad, isn't it?  The secure attachment thing makes a lot of sense to me.  If you know you have a place of safety whatever happens you're more likely to strike out and take a few risks.  Sad that so many relationships are so unhealthy.

How are you doing, Bonesie, how is life treating you? xx

[BonesMS]

It's sad, isn't it?  The secure attachment thing makes a lot of sense to me.  If you know you have a place of safety whatever happens you're more likely to strike out and take a few risks.  Sad that so many relationships are so unhealthy.

How are you doing, Bonesie, how is life treating you? xx

Thanks, Tupp!

I studied this attachment theory when I was in graduate school so it makes a lot of sense to me too.

Having a rough day today because everywhere I look, all the ads are screaming "Mothers Day" and I HATE being reminded!

[Twoapenny]

It's sad, isn't it?  The secure attachment thing makes a lot of sense to me.  If you know you have a place of safety whatever happens you're more likely to strike out and take a few risks.  Sad that so many relationships are so unhealthy.

How are you doing, Bonesie, how is life treating you? xx

Thanks, Tupp!

I studied this attachment theory when I was in graduate school so it makes a lot of sense to me too.

Having a rough day today because everywhere I look, all the ads are screaming "Mothers Day" and I HATE being reminded!

Aw, sorry Bonesie, the mass commercialisation doesn't help, something small scale you can avoid but these sorts of things are everywhere and it's so hard to deal with when you're not part of a happy family.  I hope it's all over soon, it's silly that we have these days that actually cause a lot of people pain xx

[BonesMS]

It's sad, isn't it?  The secure attachment thing makes a lot of sense to me.  If you know you have a place of safety whatever happens you're more likely to strike out and take a few risks.  Sad that so many relationships are so unhealthy.

How are you doing, Bonesie, how is life treating you? xx

Thanks, Tupp!

I studied this attachment theory when I was in graduate school so it makes a lot of sense to me too.

Having a rough day today because everywhere I look, all the ads are screaming "Mothers Day" and I HATE being reminded!

Aw, sorry Bonesie, the mass commercialisation doesn't help, something small scale you can avoid but these sorts of things are everywhere and it's so hard to deal with when you're not part of a happy family.  I hope it's all over soon, it's silly that we have these days that actually cause a lot of people pain xx

Exactly!

One of my Friends on Facebook accidentally screwed up and wished me a Happy Mother's Day.  I had to remind her that I stopped dealing with that a long time ago.

[Twoapenny]

Hi Bonesie, how are you doing?  Hope okay after all the Mother's Day stuff.  Hope life is being kind to you xxx

[BonesMS]

Hi Bonesie, how are you doing?  Hope okay after all the Mother's Day stuff.  Hope life is being kind to you xxx

Thanks, Tupp.

Unfortunately, I've been battling the Big D ... Depression.

[Twoapenny]

Hi Bonesie, how are you doing?  Hope okay after all the Mother's Day stuff.  Hope life is being kind to you xxx

Thanks, Tupp.

Unfortunately, I've been battling the Big D ... Depression.

Aw, Bones, I'm sorry to hear that.  Depression is a tough one to manage.  Hard work to get through.  I hope it starts to lift soon for you.
((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[BonesMS]

Hi Bonesie, how are you doing?  Hope okay after all the Mother's Day stuff.  Hope life is being kind to you xxx

Thanks, Tupp.

Unfortunately, I've been battling the Big D ... Depression.

Aw, Bones, I'm sorry to hear that.  Depression is a tough one to manage.  Hard work to get through.  I hope it starts to lift soon for you.
((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks, ((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Twoapenny]

Bonesie I hope you are okay.  I miss seeing you on here.  I often think about my unknown friend from across the pond   Much love, Tup xx

[BonesMS]

Bonesie I hope you are okay.  I miss seeing you on here.  I often think about my unknown friend from across the pond   Much love, Tup xx

Thanks, Tupp.

It seems you are the only one who communicates with me.  I'm still struggling with Depression and it's not fun.