HOW TO CLEAN YOUR ENTIRE HOUSE WHEN YOU ARE SICK OR DISABLED
If only I had known this, perhaps BagWorm would have stayed with me (oh wait, I threw HIM out!)
1. Approach NH meekly and ask him to sit down, so that you can kneel before him and take his boots off like a dutiful wife.
2. Take NH boots off.
3. As he drifts off, wrap both NH feet with old towels.
4. Tell NH that you really need him to sit there, and not venture through the house, as it will impede the progress of your cleaning. Beg!
5. After NH has traipsed through the entire house, your floors should be swept (somewhat)!
6. Beg NH not to drink any demon rum (have some handy). Tell him his being sober will help you to relax and heal.
7. Ten minutes later, as NH lays in the Barcalounger in an alcohol -induced stupor, remove the "sweeper" towels from his feet and put his pathetic tube socks back on. Install more towels about his ample midsection and strap diapers to his ham-fisted hands. SLiberally spray liquid furniture polish throughout the house.
8. Say "Darling, we only have a few pretzels left- please save me one, it would make me so happy."
9. After NH slides through every room in the house racing to find and devour all of the pretzels in his inebriated state, bracing himself on all of the furniture, etc. your house will smell like polish, and the dusting will have been accomplished.
10. Tell him you desperately need to use the bathroom, please make sure all is clear there because you need to go now! Lavish Pinesol throughout the bath floor, sides of toilet, etc.
11. When NH wakes up the next morning on the floor next to the WC, he will love the fresh scent of Pinesol, and applaud your housekeeping abilities. and how the bath sparkles!
12. Rinse and repeat.
The new Martha Stewart,
Changing
