Simple good news

[Tweety]

The pretext was to update me on the rabies situation (she was exposed at work and has to take the shots) but she also mentioned a male friend had just arrived...and he's been her "friend" for a while.

Ah Hops,
Love to you both.
You sound like and extraordinary Mom, and I'm sure you raised the same with your daughter.
I don't know the history between you to so sorry if I'm off the mark here,

Maybe she just needs her Mom now. All wonderful Moms worry about their children, not a bad thing. I have the same worries about my daughter.    I too have had to detach emotionally from her at time (she is 20 and finding her way , very normal healthy process)  allthough she lives with me,
 As you stated before , sometime ya have to let go and let them find there way, even if we as mothers might know it will hurt them and we want to protect them. They always find there way home to Mommy to lean on for support and advise and yes, we will always be here.... but she always is the wonderfully beautiful baby girl I gave birth to. she is my shinning star in this world.
Love and blessing to you both
Tweety

[WRITE]

remember that book you told me to get on love relationshipos, a phrase in there has started to make a lot of sense to me lately: you've got to give someone chance to miss you!

I've always been so used to micro-managing all the alcoholic and difficult people around me and making sure things happened and people reciprocated- I didn't realise it had spilled over into the rest of my life.

One day I gave my therapist a book I'd read and she said 'is it important to you that I read this?' and I suddenly realsied unwittingly a lot of what i do comes with conditions and my expectations.

Somethings up down there where D is!
She called again tonight!

it's really great that you can be there for her but within the boundaries of your own life and respect that she has to find her own way.

I would love you for a mother, of course you would have had to have given birth age about 6 or something....

[axa]

Hops,

So, so happy for you sweetie.

Letting go is so difficult and it is interesting what returns when we do.

I do not want to put a damper on things but i remember with my son when he would make a meaningful connection with me some part of me thought it was all sorted but in fact we slipped into less contact again and then he emerged again............. I think what I am saying is that they are bringing themselves to the party.  That each time there is meaningful contact it does not guarantee the continuiation of it but to treasure each contact for the gift it is............ does that make some sort of sense!!!!!!

Got two calls from my son yesterday, he has gone abroad on his own, for the first time and it was lovely that he felt able to call me with his anxiety and excitement.  When he lives an hour up the road from me he rarely calls............kids!!!!!!!!!

Hugs,

Axa

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Write. You're a dear kid. 
Good reminder, Axa...thank you. Yes, I'm okay about that. I don't think she's starting a brand-new pattern. But the spontaneous affection was healing (since I think if the light's turned off the moon's gone out, if you KNIM).

All's well. I'll hear her when I hear her!

love
Hops

[Tweety]

Wounderfully put Axa.
Enjoy it for what it is and cherish the time  and let go of the outcome............no expectations.

Expectations are premeditated resentments
Love Tweety

[changing]

Hops-

I love your news, Miss Hoppy! Your mother and daughter are blessed to have your love...it is wonderful that they are showing their love to you as well. I am very happy for you.

Hugs,

Changing

[Ami]

Dear Hops,
   With Golden, I had to be willing to lose him(sticking to my standard of how I would be treated----with respect)He cam back after a month.Now, we are restored I am really happy for you,  Hops                Ami

[axa]

Hops,

Something I struggle with is remembering that I am loved, when I don't get feedback from my son.  He told me this was MY problem, I am his Mum and he loves me, he does not feel a need to have contact with me to know I am there.........  I have to remind myself of this over and over again.  Goes back to not having internalised the good object myself though I have improved greatly over the past years from lots and lots of therapy.  Trusting that it will be the way it will be and it will be ok is so hard for us who have been abused as kids.  I believe I will struggle with this all of my life.  Hang on in there,

Axa