Hi Starfish,
I am so sorry for everything you have gone through.
I had a similar experience with a pet – and know how painful it is. As a child, I received more love and comfort from my pets than I ever did with my family.
Best wishes on your upcoming marriage (I ended up eloping because my parents were impossible – one of the best decisions I ever made.)
I am glad that you found this place!
Peace
I am glad I found this place as well.
No one from my family will be at our little ceremony. I told my family that we were getting married at the court house. I expected my om to be outraged, but I think she was relieved not to have to fly out. After all, it isn't about her. SHe did ask if she was in CA could she go to the JP with us. I held my breath, crossed my fingers, and said "well, I doubt you could get here, but of course you could". After the scene she made at my first wedding I really don't want her involved in this one.
This is going to be small. Our closest friends. The family I got to CHOSE.
Another story....not really about my mom, but in someways it is I guess.
My husband and I bought our first house on the North Coast of CAl...it is up in the redwoods about a 15 minute drive from town and the beaches. He was a firefighter, and was killed 1 month after we closed escrow. I was not working, and all of my closest friends lived 5 or more hours away.
After dealing with the immediate aftermath, and once I got back to the house I was alone. ALONE. No friends, no family, no partner. I did not do so well. I was a horrible widow. Not gracious, and I was angry. I chased many dear friends away because they could not withstand my venom, angry bitter grief. After a few months of being on my own I got Hank....a 6 week old yellow lab pup. I am not sure what drove me to get him...maybe some inner voice knew if I were to survive I needed companionship. I got the one thing I could "trust". A dog.
He was from the start very adorable (of course) but also very independent. He doesn't and never did like to sleep with me, and often would go to his crate to sleep. Still does. It is his sanctuary.
I would take him every day to the beach..if just for a little while so he could stretch his legs, and tire himself out. It was good for me too. I remember the first time I laughed out loud at one of his antics...it was so weird to hear my laugh.
One day, Hank was about 9 months old Itook him to the beach and as I was walkig to the shoreline I heard a mans voice call out asking if I got my dog in">>>". I did so I turned and spoke with him a few minutes. He was in his sixties..and nice guy, very friendly. Turns out he and his wife have Hanks littermate (they were still similar in size that they looked identical). Her name was Annie.
We exchanged #'s for a beach outing...he would have his wife call me.
Around this time I was getting ready to go back to work, and was stressed out poor Hank who was used to me being home every day.
Well, the wife calls one day and we meet at the beach. She is also in her sixties, very nice and has a british accent despite being in the states for most of her life. We walk.
We talk.
We get togheter a few more times, and then somewhere along the line they offer to have Hank over for playdates on my longer work days (he is a retired college teacher, and she is a child psychologist). I would visit in the morning at drop off, and in the evenings at pickups. Then I started having dinner with them. I meet their children (all grown and children of their own) have thanksgiving and christmas with them.
They are my family. Somehow the breeze kicked up that day at the beach and I was granted a reprieve. My life (Starfish II) started again slowly the day I picked up Hank, and he lead my to my friends...
The man at the beach will be the person who is going to marry G and I. The woman, whom I love like a mother (and I know she loves me) is making my cake. The friends who stuck by me, and did not allow me to push them away are coming up (it is an annual thing).
It is hard to put into words how profoundly they changed my life. How lucky I am to have found them. They taught me what real love is, and what an open heart is. What a real family is.
This is what I strive for in my life.
