apology

[towrite]

I think I need to apologize to everyone on this board. I have said too much and perhaps it's been to hard for many to read. I know my experiences have not been good, but, still, I apologize for loading up so many of them here.

towrite.

[Gaining Strength]

I know you are not apologizing to me  but I must say that of all the places in the world this is a place that it is alright to "load up so many."  I have often felt the way your words describe but I keep coming back to the realization that here, in cyber world, people can choose to read or not read.  So nothing that is posted here is imposing.  Noone has to read anything and yet those who are interested can read if they choose.

I hope you will feel free to post as much as you are moved to post.  I have often found much to learn from you posts.  You certainly have had great difficulties to post about and I do hope that you will feel free and welcomed to continue posting and posting and posting. - Gaining Strength

[Iphi]

towrite - I love your posts and hope you post more.  You have great thoughts, perceptions and observations and I appreciate you being real - I feel completely the opposite of the idea of being imposed on.  Just today I was wondering where you had got to - but hey no pressure.

[dandylife]

towrite,
I echo what gaining strength told you in that we learn from others and so benefit from what you share. We would be losers in the deal if you stopped sharing. So, selfishly, I must say don't stop!

I want to validate you, though, also, in your feeling that you have somehow taken more than your share here? Is that the feeling? Not that I think you did - not at all - I just want to try and understand what you are feeling and perhaps help you get to the root of it.

This feeling generally is known as "subjugation". You put others before yourself. Were you made to feel that way in your family of origin? That your feelings were not as important as others? Not to be shared or "in the light"? Negative feelings were to be stuffed?

Your feelings are valid and important - and you can help others while you learn yourself. That is the glory of this Board!

Love,
Dandylife

[Ami]

Dear Towrite,
  Talk about "loading up"--- Look at my thread on " Shock'. You COULD not be as bad as I (lol)
  Towrite   -- I have missed  you so much. .
   You are going in to a "shame spiral" where you think that you are burdening people and people don't like you-- that you are too much of a bother.
   I FIGHT this ,often. I was fighting it today b/c I have been spilling out my guts  on the 'Shock thread
   Towrite--- it is crazy feelings that you are having. TRUST ME, Friend                    Love  Ami

[CB123]

Towrite,

I have been glad to hear from you and know how you were doing.  It was much harder, for me, when you wrote how terribly depressed you were that you even despaired of life, and then didnt post for a long time.  I wondered and worried about you--I am glad you are back and that you are free to share with us how you are.

No pressure, Towrite.  It seems that there's always somebody up (even in the middle of the night  ) and that everyone is happy to read whatever posts they can.  If you feel up to writing, I hope you will--but if you need to take a break, that's okay, too.  We will still be here!

Much love,
CB

[changing]

Dear ToWrite:

I want to thank you for your posts. I often feel that my posts are needy or unworthy, and not up to the standard set by others (such as ToWrite) . But even when I am at my worst, when I am desperately sad, afraid, exhausted or defeated, someone on this board replies to my need for support and to be heard even in my grossly imperfect state, or someone shares what they are going through, warts and all. I have received so much in terms of support, healing, laughter, fun, wisdom and acceptance. Again, thank you for your posts.


Much love to you,

Changing

[Starfish]

ToWrite,

Please don't think that you have said too much or take more than your fair share. I am new here, but I can see the love and caring toward you from the others.  It is genuine.
Please continue to write and express whatever you need whenever you need.
Love Starfish

[finding peace]

Dear, Dear towrite,

You have nothing, absolutely nothing to apologize for.

I can’t say it any better than what has already been posted.

I am not sure, but I think I know how you feel.  Oftentimes I hesitate before I post about my past abuse because I am afraid that it will be too hard for other's to read.  I am also afraid that I will be told that it was my fault (one of my fears), or I will be told to get over it, or....etc (so many fears).

But you know what - I am going to keep posting.

If by posting about my abuse and the life-long struggle I have had to overcome it, I can help one other person overcome abuse, help one other child out there to know what they are experiencing is abuse, or prevent one other child from being abused - then something positive can come out of what I have experienced.  And I long for something positive to come out of it.

Please know that in posting your story – you have made a positive difference in my life. 

So you do not need to apologize to me at all - In fact, I owe you thanks.

I will be here if you want to keep posting.

Much love,
Peace

[Ami]

Peace's post reminded me of how much I grew from your post on your family. It really, really helped me to face my M. It really taught me a lot. I don't know why it touched me so much that I remembered today how healing it was to me--- but it was. It really helped me to come out of denial, towrite.
  The really 'real" posts are the ones that help me. Anyone can be "cheery" and "sunny".( I can too, for that matter.) However, what really, really heals me are the "true life: ones-. That is how I see it. That is how I write. I have been a "false self  for so long.I have to be careful that I don't let people's expectations push me BACK in to being a false self  again. I can be one easily--- I just do not WANT to.
  I don't want to enhance my false self. I want to shed it and reclaim my true self. I see that you are doing this --- towrite. Don't let "lies" about your "unloading" stop your progress. Don't run away.
  We all want to  at times, when we feel vulnerable,. Please don't give in to it, though               Love to you    Ami

[teartracks]

My dear towrite,

I have not felt put upon by a single word you've posted here.  Not one.  You and your story are important to to what the board is best known for, that is, a place to put your feelings on the line, to rant, to ramble, to analyze, to ask for help...so much.  You've been one of us and I truly hope you will remain with us through the hard times.  I've seen it happen again and again where someone comes on in survival mode and after a while, they began to come out of the funk, the depression, the denial and blossom into beautiful ministers to others who are traveling a similar painful journey.  I hope you let your voice ring as far as this cyber gizmo will allow.

tt

[Hopalong]

ToWrite.

I am GRATEFUL for your story. I am enriched and deepened by hearing your voice.

You link me to you, to children, to women and men, and from all of my life in every cell and in every way I can express meaning, I know in my marrow that telling stories, even painful ones, is one of the most deeply binding, community-building things human beings can do.

Thank you for telling your story.

You are very easy to love.

Hops

[Bella_French]

Good luck with your surgery towrite,

The doctors and nurses will look after you; these people are are special people who really care. The last time I had surgery, it was for major abdominal surgery and I was close to death, admitted to the emergency ward. I remember those moments before I drifted off to sleep (from anesthetic) and I smiled at my surgical team, and thanked them (in advance) for saving my life. I really felt so grateful.  My operation took them 1 1/2 hours, and they did miraculous things to save me.

Afterwards, the nurses gave me incredible drugs that were like heaven, lol. When i was bit better, they brought me a menu each day, where I could choose what awesome food to eat (it was so good, that my partner kept coming around to order my meal, so he could eat it because I couldn't eat for a few days) lol.

There is something `spiritual' about going through surgery. You have to place your very life in the hands of others, and the come through for you.

You will be ok! This will be a good experience for you towrite

X bella

[Certain Hope]

((((((((((Towrite)))))))))) 

When it comes to sharing, I just figure... whatever it takes to keep this stuff from bottling up and becoming a bitter stew, and I so very much hope that you won't go silent... for all of our sakes.
The anthem of my own childhood was "Hold it all within". That foundational lie allows only lonliness and isolation to build.
I hope that you'll continue sharing as much as your heart desires. You are a blessing to me.

With love,
Hope

[towrite]

towrite,

This feeling generally is known as "subjugation". You put others before yourself. Were you made to feel that way in your family of origin? That your feelings were not as important as others? Not to be shared or "in the light"? Negative feelings were to be stuffed?

Your feelings are valid and important - and you can help others while you learn yourself. That is the glory of this Board!

Love,
Dandylife

Thanks, DL, and, yes, I was always made to feel selfish and that no one wanted to hear about me. I was invisible. Thanks for that insight.