Dear Grats - a place of pure h*** is where you are. There are, like Mud, some truths I hole above all - the catch is sometimes they contradict each other and sometimes I have to go with my gut no matter what the "truths" are that I hold dear.
First is, I will not aid and abet anyone who is harming someone else by keeping silent. Silence and secrecy are where evil grows, where hate festers, where harm is committed. When I found out how abusive my dad had been to my mother ever since they were married, I talked about it like there was no tomorrow. Silence and secrecy had protected him all those years and I'd be damned if I was going to allow it to be perpetuated. I had to endure the cold shoulders of relatives who didn't want to hear and didn't want to believe. But in the end, it helped. (Of course, she's the NM from hell, so she never acknowledged me or my help.)
Second is - and this one was harder for me - and is probably not true for you - is I had to really examine my motives for wanting to blow the whistle when I was in situations like this. I had to acknowledge that part of me wanted to be important, to be the savior, wanted to be listened to. Only after I acknowledged this was I able to take it out of the equation and really look at the possible consequences.
Perhaps your sister, the Golden Child, won't want to lose her status and, thus, will try to ruin your credibility. Possible your dad is an ostriche, has known all along, and is so helpless and non-grown-up that he will continue to be an ostriche. Is it possible they have a secret agreement between them that he will tolerate your mother's behavior so long as it doesn't infringe on their "marriage"? I know I got to the point where I knew all the possible consequences in terms of me, but I could not tolerant his hurting my mother in secret, even if she was an N.
Here's another story for the record. When my brother got divorced the first time, he came to live with me. His XN was vicious, malevolent, with a touch of schadenfreude. She told her children I had stolen their father from them, and then proceeded to call where I worked and told them a stack of vicious lies about me. I lost my job as a result. The XN asked around where she worked if she "should do the right thing" by calling my place of employment. It got back to me. Not only did I lose my job but also I was shunned in my community b/c many people believed her lies.
Now that's WRONG. But I don't see you doing anything like that. You're not an N. Maybe you're like me and were told repeatedly growing up that if you "mention a word of this, no one will believe you over me. You'll be known as a liar." Maybe not. But I had to fight those messages in order to talk about my dad's behavior outloud.
Can you print the email, cut off the identifying info (yours) and mail a copy to your sister and your dad - that is, if you decide to do anything about it.
((((((((((grats))))))))))
towrite
